Ive run into a problem with my wife. Id like to proudly display our last name on the back window of the family car, but she wont allow it. How can I convince her that its a long and honored Mexican tradition to do so? Tejano Rick P.S.: How and…

Why do Mexicans say “¡Ojalá Dios quiere!”? Ojalá refers to Allah the Muslim god, and Dios is the Christian god. Do Mexicans want to cover their bases and get a double blessing, or maybe they cant they make up their minds? ¿Qu pasó con los dos dioses? White Paddy Pinche…

Dear Readers: You love us, you really love us! Mere moments after publishing my July 12 column (in which Know Nothings had their say on the failed Senate amnesty bill), ustedes bombarded the Mexican with letters expressing your disgust toward those pendejos. Space prohibits the printing of all, so lets…

Why dont Mexicans ever drop their Spanish? Even third- and fourth-generation Mexican-Americans still speak the language to some degree or another. I speak Japanese, but Im losing it quickly, and when my mother passes on, so will my language. The typical Asian-American kid may attend Chinese, Korean, or Japanese school…

Dear Gabachos: You love us, you really love us! Mere moments after the Senate allowed an amnesty bill to collapse like the pesos value, ustedes bombarded the Mexican with typo-heavy valentines. To commemorate Americas latest amnesic spell regarding its immigrants and assimilation (previous examples include the Chinese Exclusion Act, the…

I welcome the inclusion of a nice, big scoop of chopped habañeros in the bland casserole that is America. I must admit, however, it gave me pause the other day when I saw an all-too-typical familia of recent arrivals at Kmart: mom, pop and four kids less than 5 years…

A friend asked me years ago to come up with a Spanish word or phrase that contains fewer syllables than its English counterpart. After years of thinking about this, the only one I could come up with is “Tengo sed” (three syllables) compared to “I am thirsty” (four syllables). This…

Dear Readers: Contrary to what some of ustedes think, racist gabachos or self-hating Mexicans aren’t my only fans. Many of our friendly neighbors to the Great White Norte also love the Mexican. In honor of my hometown Anaheim Ducks pounding on pussy Canadians to win the NHL Stanley Cup, I…

So often when we see Mexican bands perform in the U.S. and Mexico, the crowd, at some point, starts chanting, “¡Cu-le-ro (ass-hole)!” Why does the crowd yell “cu-le-ro” at a band that they seemingly adore and paid a lot of money to see perform? Even fellow Latinos are really confused…

I was sitting around with my daughter and her Mexican husband the other day talking about her past. Jokingly, I mentioned that when she was a teenager (30 years ago), lots of boys came by the house to see her. Her husband flew into a rage and said that Mexicans…

Has the 1965 Immigration Act proved to be a good thing or bad thing for America, and has the recent unprecedented flood of immigrants (both legal and illegal) been an overall good thing or bad thing for America? Please fully explain your answer and include economical, cultural, and quality-of-life issues…

I was going through a local state colleges academic program the other day and found that the school offers a bachelors degree in Chicano studies. My question is in what field of work would someone with a bachelors in Chicano studies land? Here are a few jobs I came up…

I have no problem with immigrants. My grandparents were Dutch on one side and Irish on the other — but they came here legally, through Ellis Island. What I cant stand are a bunch of fence-hopping, river-wading illegals telling me I owe them a free education, free health care, free…

Gracias, gracias, gracias for ustedes who bought the Mexican’s book last week (deportation for those who haven’t). I’ve done mucho national press because of the interest — the list includes Talk of the Nation, FOX News Live, Paula Zahn Now, The Tom Leykis Show, The Glen Beck Show, BBC and…

Im a gringa married to a mexicano and we have a 3-year-old son. His family is wonderful, for the most part, and they adore my son, but as he is getting older, his tíos are trying to “toughen him up” and make him more macho. So far, theyve taught him…

Dear Readers: The Reconquista has arrived! On Tuesday, May 1, Ask a Mexican! comes out in book form, gracias to the literary madmen at Scribner. Expect more of the same, but más: more essays, more illustrations from Mark Dancey (the gabacho who created this column’s logo), and more questions. Below…

Have you seen the e-mail flying around, allegedly from country star Charlie Daniels? Whats your reaction? The Mexicans Went Down to Georgia Dear Gabacho: I love it. For ustedes readers who don’t know what we’re talking about: In April 2006, one-hit has-been Charlie Daniels posted an essay on his Web…

I lived here illegally for the first half of my life, so Im very offended when I hear anti-immigrant comments. I especially cant stand “Illegals dont pay taxes, so they shouldnt be here.” When my father applied for residency during the amnesty in the 1980s, part of the requirement was…

What do Mexicans think about President Bushs grandfather having a hand in getting the guy that robbed Pancho Villas head out of jail? Kruising Klassily in Kennebunkport Dear KKK: Ah, Villa’s stolen skull. No macabre Mexican legend is more mired in intrigue, distortions and looniness — and in a country…

Why should Mexican nationals have more right to stay in this country than Chinese, Somalians or others who cant cross an open land border and must thus wait on the bureaucracy like everybody else? 700 Miles Isnt Long Enough Dear Gabacho: ‘Cause this land once belonged to Mexico — kidding!…

Dear Readers: Muchas, muchas responses to my March 8 column asking whether I should keep this column’s gold-toothed, mustachioed, sombrero-wearing fat Mexican logo and what should I name him. The overwhelming majority of ustedes support amnesty for the wab, but a few folks also made articulate arguments in favor of…

I am perplexed. I just saw a middle-aged wab (complete with a bright red, lipstick-accentuated mustache) wearing tight pink stretch pants with the phrase “Pink Taco” emblazoned across her misshapen buttocks. In my experience, Mexicans of the Mexico-born variety seem to wear a lot of clothes with odd/tacky slogans. My…