I’m in this country illegally, but I have a current passport from the country I am from, and I have an international driver’s license. I could not renew my California driver’s license after my travel visa expired. Occasionally, I fly commercially within the United States, and these docs are always…

A couple of years ago, I put four white supremacists in prison. They had made the mistake of going into the Slater Slums of Huntington Beach, California, the city’s traditional barrio, to kill a random Mexican. They got as far as stabbing a man before the Slater Slums smackdown began:…

I work construction in Texas. The mojados at work call me “Chicano” (which really angers me) to make fun of me, and I reply to them by saying, “¡México, bien por su gente!” This usually leads to debates that the Hispanic population will be the majority of the population in…

Why can’t the United States and Mexico agree on one only name for the Rio Bravo-Grande river? And I don’t understand why the Americans lo dice en español? Marfa Maven The Mexican is a Californian by the grace of God so doesn’t dare tread the intellectual waters of the Lone…

I was wondering why Mexicans in Chicago are meaner than Mexicans in California? I love my Mexican brothers and sisters in California (I’m from Cali) but they are the biggest pendejos in Chicago! Does cold weather make Mexicans pissed-off? And why do Mexican women like to ram white girls with…

I usually don’t allow anyone to hijack this columna, but an exception must be made for California State Assemblymember Gil Cedillo. He’s been fighting the good fight for decades, recently trying to get driver’s licenses for illegal immigrants and ceaselessly support DREAMers. Cedillo was so moved by the undocumented college…

I’m getting sick and tired of all these dirty, stupid Mexicans running around. The first part is easy: As Mr. Dix says in David Copperfield, when asked what to do with David, “Why, bathe him.” The second part could be just as easy: Pay them to learn English. There is…

I am a tall, slender, blond 20-year-old Jewish Russian-American. He is a short, muscular 24-year-old Mexican. At face value, you would never think we would work well, but we do. I started to love him. He’s the most unique person I have ever met. He is never down, always smiling,…

How come there are a bunch of fair-skinned European-looking guys running Mexico? When I am in Mexico, I see them having power lunches in fine restaurants, driving Beemers and escorting absolutely breathtaking women with long legs and high cheekbones around town. Who are these guys? How can I become one…

Stop using Spanish in your column. I like reading your column, but when every other word is in Spanish, I don’t know what the hell is going on. It makes you sound like that nerdy kid who uses big words to try and sound impressive. Don’t be lazy, and just write…

I was born in los estados unidos, my father Tamaulipas, and my mother is a third-generation Chicana. Being married to a mexicano, we recently vacationed in his hometown of Apatzingan, Michoacán. It was my first time meeting my in-laws and everyone from his colonia. It seems I got the evil…

I work for a major news organization and often have heard the figure of 10 million illegal Mexicans. Unofficially, I have been quoted the number 20 million to 25 million illegals, most of them not Mexican. From experience with the government, I would say these numbers are low. Why the…

I’m so perplexed by my Mexican neighbor. For one, he already has four girls, and I just saw his wife — and she looks like she’s pregnant again! What really bothers me is that I live in an affordable-housing unit. The rent is cheap and based on our income. He…

Aunqué soy Boricua, mi corazón está al lado del pueblo mejicano, aquí en Arizona. ¿Porqué no hablas contra “La Bruja Mala del Oeste” Gobernadora Jan Brewer, “El Leon Cobarde” Ex-Senador Russell Pearce, “El Hombre Hecho de Lata” Alguacil del Condado Maricopa Joe Arpairo, “El Hombre Hecho de Paja” Abogado General Tom…

I’ve tried and failed to learn the Spanish language for the past two years. During high school and college, I took both Spanish I and Spanish II, but nothing really stuck with me. Last year, I visited a Spanish-speaking church to help immerse myself in the language, but only understood…

This question was inspired by the recent video you did on the Republicanos and the Latina/o vote. What’s your opinion of Cuban-American and Tea Party cariñito Marco Rubio? All this talk about him being the “Hispanic” savior of the Republican Party by being the vice-presidential nominee is getting to me…

My family for six generations have been born and raised in Brownsville, Texas. Everyone speaks Spanish most of the time. Right now, almost every Republican in the state is trying to get redistricting to the finish line to cut out the bumper crop of Mexican-American candidates from coming up. They…

My cousin had put a picture on Facebook that said, “I will not be forced to learn a foreign language to accommodate illegals in my country.” He’s Mexican-American. Our family is from La Luz, Zacatecas, and its surrounding villages. His dad (my uncle) was born here in El Paso, Texas…

It’s so sad to see your wimpy answers. Your replies scream self-hatred and self-shame for your raza. You’re pathetic! No plan or desire to fix Mexico’s problems. You’re a puto with no huevos. My DREAM Act would be that you Mexicans would stop groveling to gringos, and scream about fixing…

I usually save reruns of my columna for when I have to smuggle in the latest cousin from the rancho, but the ascendancy of Republic presidential candidate Mitt Romney must be addressed — namely, that he’s half-Mexican. The lamestream media is treating this as a revelation — never mind that…

How come Mexicans don’t perform in the Winter Olympics? What — no talent? Or are Mexicans afraid of snow? I’m thinking both. Also, Mexicans don’t do too well in the Summer Olympics, either — they even suck in soccer. There is plenty of snow in Mexico, so don’t use that…

In my hometown of Playa Larga (Long Beach, California), natives refer to a major avenida in our villa, Junipero Avenue (named for Father Junipero Serra, accused native genocider, a candidate for sainthood — but I digress) as Juan-a-pear-o. There is no “Juan” in Junipero, but that’s how everyone in this…