“If I’m gonna get busted, it is not gonna be by a guy like that.” Know what movie that was from? How about this one? “When you get old, your heart dies.” Come on, you know that one for sure. Okay, one more. “I mean, not many girls in contemporary…

Think of how much money you wasted when you switched your college major four times. And did you know you’ll make at least three significant career changes in your lifetime? Welcome to the age of waffling. Society’s encouragement of self-reflection has turned you into an indecisive wiener. The good news…

As hard as we try to forget our childhood, the human memory, once triggered, can overpower our best efforts. For example, some jerk in your office decides to watch the Lite-Brite commercial on YouTube and you suddenly have a flashback: 6-year-old you – wearing knee-high tube socks and a C-3PO…

Take a look at your little apartment and see how much junk you own. You’ve still got every single paperback book from your high school reading list, that drawer of mismatched socks that’s been collecting dust mites for two years, and a second grade-era DuckTales backpack. Looks like it’s time…

Oh, the lovely, majestic butterfly. There isn’t a person in the world who could hate these gorgeous critters. They give unattractive people hope that morphing from a fat blob to a stunning beaut is, indeed, possible. Little kids love them because they’re reminded of the dramatic climax to Eric Carle’s…

Attention, fellas. If you want to know your lady ain’t a ho, get her naked and check for tan lines. If she’s got ’em, that’s a good sign. It means she’s not afraid to show a little flesh but has the smarts to protect her junk. No tan lines? She’s…

If you’ve ever had a garage sale, you’ve witnessed that special breed of bargain shopper. As soon as you put out the signs, they’re dive-rolling out of their minivans to get the so-called best stuff. And here’s the creepy part. They’re not interested in your accidentally underpriced box of one-of-a-kind…

As a small child, you wore those moon boots from your Halloween costume to school everyday. When you were a teenager, your parents begged you to make good grades and don a wardrobe like the mannequins at The Gap. Instead, you started pulling Ds in your best subjects and wearing…

The outside world must think of Arizonans as big, fat poseurs who are always looking to copy character instead of creating their own. And they may have a point. Ten years ago, Los Angeles real estate was busting its load all over mid-century-modern architects. What are we doing? Still freaking…