OWLISH IN

Browse through the Christmas releases at your local video store and you’ll find all the usual chestnuts like It’s a Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34th Street and A Christmas Carol. You’ll also find fast-buck fruitcakes like Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, Ernest Saves Christmas and Silent Night, Deadly Night (Parts…

HOW TO GET AWAY WITH RAPE

Al Heinze was powerful for a while. And why shouldn’t he be? Heinze was the man who made life fine and mellow for the men who run the various prosecutors’ offices around the state. Anytime a prosecutor wanted to go out of town on a seminar, it was the money…

THOUGHTS AS THE WATER GETS HOTTER

The following excerpt from the diary of Governor J. Fife Plushbottom III was delivered to New Times by secret courier: Dear Diary: Once again, history proves that I have taken the correct course. My mother was so cheap. She balked at first when I asked her to lend me the…

NORTH BY SOUTHWEST

Almost reverently, they stood in line. In their hands were clutched the oversize volumes of Lieutenant Colonel Oliver L. North’s best-selling memoir, Under Fire. Blissfully, they withstood an early morning downpour while waiting patiently for their hero to arrive at a place in Tempe called Books Etc. “I fell in…

THE FINAL SERVICE

The banter across the tennis nets at the Pointe at Tapatio Cliffs was as warm as the February afternoon sunshine. This was a tournament, but a friendly one. The organizer, Jac Rothschild, personally had sent out the invitations to 30 buddies. With a twinkle in his eye, he referred to…

THE LONG HOT SIMMERTHE STEAMY SAGA OF AN AGING SPA

IF ROY ROGERS and Dale Evans had run Alfred Hitchcock’s Bates Motel, it might have looked pretty much like the east Mesa landmark known as the Buckhorn Baths. Only less so. “I like to think that we’re offering people `old world charm,'” says 84-year-old Alice Sliger, who, with her late…

Thirteen Thoughts

1. Charlie Keating finally took the great fall. These days the headline writers use words like “fraud” and “bilked” in writing about him. Not too long ago, Keating was Senator John McCain’s biggest backer. He did everything for McCain. He held fund-raising events. He flew the senator around on private…

THE SHERIFF’S SUSPECTS

SHERIFF TOM AGNOS doesn’t look embattled. His August open-heart surgery, a wrongful arrest lawsuit and the occasional political obituary notwithstanding, the sheriff appears serene. Though the investigation of the murders of nine people at Wat Promkunaram, a Thai Buddhist temple in the west Valley, has been criticized by everyone from…

TAKEN FOR A RIDETHE CONFESSIONS OF MIKE MCGRAW

ON THE MORNING of his release from jail, erstwhile murder suspect Mike McGraw blinks in the broad sunlight and lowers his thick body into the shotgun seat. He tosses a plastic bag full of personal effects into the back seat. He’s about to take a trip to Wat Promkunaram. He…

FREEDOM RIDER

I sat in the church pew while others discussed the dead man. It was Saturday and cool, the noon air so crisp in the desert that it didn’t seem possible a fresh grave had been dug. At the news of Ted Mote’s passing, friends and relatives were so overcome with…

CHEE-TOS NEVER WIN! SNARING SNACKS IN THE BIO-BURBS

A few desert-rat residents of Tucson and its surrounding small towns–your typical Sonoran outposts of dirt-bag chic–say they’ve heard the news: The Biospherians, the story goes, are making like Hogan’s Heroes. They’ve been spotted, in the middle of the night, at the Circle K in Oracle, guzzling malt liquor and…

Have “Boom Boom,” Will Travel

In April, when Muin M. Kalla left his job as planning director for the Town of Paradise Valley, town manager John Baudek praised him as a model employee. Kalla’s leaving was marked by a “resolution of appreciation” issued by the Paradise Valley Town Council for the dozen years in which…

MIRACLE MILES

THE AUTOM COMPANY occupies a simple storefront with large windows. Unassuming. Like the old-fashioned office supply store that adjoins it on North Seventh Street, it is a repository of equipment. In this case, religious equipment. “Can I help you find something?” A young woman dressed casually in slacks and shirt…