www.onewordlong.com Ryan Avery: Man-Child in the Promised Land… Nothing steamrolls over one’s enemies like success. And as sure as the moon is pockmarked like Artie Lange’s buttcheeks, I can promise you that pudgy performance-artist/rocker Ryan Avery will one day be trading quips with Conan O’Brien while the limp-dicks at AZPunk.com…
William “Fucking” Reed: His middle name ain’t “Fucking” for nothin’. We at the New Times, being the bad boys (and girls) of journalism, want to reward those at Get Out attempting to breathe some life into that moribund institution. Why? Well, because we know G.O.’s editors are generally a buncha…
www.eastvalleytribune.com The Trib’s not-so-edgy Get Out, pulled for “fucking.” Quiz time, ladies and germs: What old Anglo-Saxon word just cost the East Valley Tribune (owned by Freedom Communications, Inc.) $12,000? Here’s a clue: it rhymes with schmuck, and only a schmuck would pay $12K for it. I’m talking about the…
www.venganza.org Blessed be his holy name… News Flash, Friends and Fiends of the Feathered Bastard: Though I’ve heretofore self-pigeonholed myself as an agnostic with pro-atheist leanings, I’ve recently received a vision, and am now declaring myself a holy Imam in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Henceforth, before I…
Keep your effin’ religion to yourself, no matter what it is… Ever since US Airways kicked six Muslim religious leaders off a flight bound for Phoenix, I’ve had a lot of fun watching various wing-nuts chastise the imams for praying a little too loudly and obviously to Allah. Rib-ticklin’ stuff,…
from CNA’s web site, Sandy Summers, eat your heart out… Of this week’s Bird items, the one closest to my evil lil’ cardiac muscle is the victory over the forces of political correctness by “Dr. Jon” Basso owner of Tempe’s Heart Attack Grill, where artery clogging ground round is served…
Photograph from Pink Box (Abrams Books). � Joan Sinclair Another satisfied customer… This past Sunday afternoon prior to climbing in the car for the six hour trek back to P-town, I enjoyed a satisfying nosh at Little Tokyo’s Curry House at Weller Court, then waddled over to the Kinokinuya Japanese…
Santa feels your pain… The problem with Xmas, as I see it, is that I’d rather just keep my money and buy myself whatever the fuck I want. But we’re not allowed to do that. Even if you’re born Jewish, Muslim, agnostic or atheist, your chances of escaping the clutches…
The cursed arm of Claude de Lorraine… All photos by Megumi Akiyama. Pickled punks: They go great with pastrami and a lil’ mustard. Embalmed clown Achile Chatouilleu, under glass, for your protection. The skull of the world’s smallest Freemason… Behold! The “Barnum of Burbank Boulevard.” The Nostradumbass of North Hollywood…
Not Kathy Shayna Shocket… Did Kathy Shayna Shocket survive the Repugnant’s editorial bloodbath? That’s what I wondered after I read her 11/20 society column. Sources high up on the Republic food chain had informed me that Shocket was part of last week’s Gannett layoff-fest, where 31 employees were let go,…
Altman, on the set of The Gingerbread Man. I feel a little odd mourning the loss of director Robert Altman. I mean, the guy lived eight decades and a year, and was incredibly prolific during his life, churning out film after film — many actual celluloid masterpieces (MASH, McCabe and…
In the middle (presumably) the MILFy-hot Lisa Allen MacPherson… All pics by Lilia Menconi AG Terry Goddard entering as I’m being escorted out by Chagolla. Right this way, ladies undergarments, fifth floor… Who’d expect Joe Arpaio, supposedly the “toughest sheriff in the nation,” to turn all yella-belly when the New…
Catherine King channelling Cousin Itt… Ya think Jerome Du Bois’ mom was named Blanche? The PHX art-fart gadfly’s capacity for self-delusion is equal to that of Tennessee Williams’ most famous character, and like Blanche in A Streetcar Named Desire, Jerome’s creeping up there in mileage. For a while now, the…
The wild and crazy Rachel Bess… The Bird knows all, sees all. The minions of The Bird are perched everywhere, scribbling notes, observing all social interactions in the PHX as potential fodder for the next column. Of course, it all flows through my massive bird-brain, and no boob is left…
Banned by the CNA! Not really. There’s a ton more like this on the CNA website… Below is another e-mail from Harry Summers of the Center for Nursing Advocacy, and my response to him. Harry’s married to Sandy Summers, the executive director of the Maryland-based, self-appointed watchdog org. When he’s…
The Great Camille Paglia: Feminazi slayer, diva and intellectual nonpareil. Below find some recent correspondence between myself and the Maryland-based Center for Nursing Advocacy’s Senior SOLE Advisor Harry Jacobs Summers, hubby of Executive Director Sandy Summers. For all intents and purposes, it looks like the Summers ARE the CNA. The…
The GrossCost of livin’: $150 mil. As far as I’m concerned, former House Speaker Jeff Groscost, whom the Bird disses in death this week, deserved to be wearing stripes, eating green baloney and wondering if he was gonna have to take it up the poot pipe from his cell-mate Randy…
“Good work, ZeeDick. Think we can buy the LA Slimes after this?” A source at the Republic relates the following internal scuttlebutt on Monday’s massacre, which laid waste to 31 Rep jobs, at least 7-to-8 of which were in editorial: It’s supposedly a 1% cut locally and is part of…
Somethng tells us these blokes ain’t squeezin’ lemons? All this hard-news is makin’ my brain hurt, but anything that slams our illustrious Guv, I’m down with, so here’s a taste of my colleague Sarah Fenske’s breaking story on Nappy’s monkeyshines involving student loans, the Phoenix firefighters union, Pat Cantelme, Billy…
Now, this won’t hurt a bit… Classy how the bean-counters at Gannett picked the week of the Walter Cronkite Luncheon to hack into the Arizona Republic’s staff, cutting 31 jobs, according to VisualEditors.com. Posts to that site suggest 7 editorial bodies are headed for the morgue (read, “unemployment line”), but…
Irony of ironies: CNA promulgates the very images it claims to abhor… Wanna peep pics of hot, horny nurses and not feel a bit guilty about straying from your more-liberal-than-thou PC leanings? Well, spank that monkey no further than the web address for the Center for Nursing Advocacy, a politically-correct…
from www.CafePress.com Can someone cue Gnarls Barkley’s “Crazy,” please? The John McCain ass-kissing began in earnest shortly after the polls closed Tuesday, with even the Repugnant’s saintly Dan Nowicki joining in on the pucker-fest by offering multiple posts on how the Manchurian Candidate will be the salvation of the Republicans…
