Here in the Valley of the Sun, the names “Fife” and “Joe” are not synonymous with “happiness” and “joy.” Though the respective physical appearances of these men may be enough to bring about an occasional smirk, their actions aren’t funny at all. In fact, our governor and sheriff seem to…
Mondo Fido On New Times’ Comics page (November 14), Ernie Pook’s Comeek showed how it is for lots of innocent dogs in animal shelters: They are given out to torture laboratories! A horrible betrayal of the trust dogs have in us. They are experimented on in fraud “testing,” so that…
A few Sunday mornings ago, Mary and Ernie Howard found a sitter for their three children and drove to American Legion Post 75 in north Phoenix. The Glendale couple didn’t know anyone at the Sunnyslope chapter, but had been invited to attend a flag-raising ceremony in honor of Mary’s late…
Biologist John Hervert, arguably the world’s foremost expert on the Sonoran pronghorn antelope, hoists an antenna in his left hand and listens to a receiver for blips indicating whether any radio-collared pronghorns are nearby. He hears nothing but static. Before him stretches the xeric wilderness of the Growler Valley, a…
It was to be Maggie’s first airplane ride. She was flying to Los Angeles to lose her virginity. And there were other reasons for her to be skittish. Maggie, a Jack Russell terrier, was being left with a stranger. That stranger, a baggage handler, had propped her travel kennel atop…
Sheriff Joke’s Unhappy Campers When word of the Tent City riot reached The Flash, his first reaction was: What took so long? Sheriff Joke Arpaio has been wishing and hoping for riots for the longest time. In May, during one of his many visits to KFYI-AM–the sheriff’s favorite Criticism-Free Zone–Joe…
If you build it, they will come. That is, build a stadium, and entrepreneurs will cater to the resultant demands of the marketplace with shops, restaurants and bars. And parking garages. In response to the parking problems anticipated for the opening of Bank One Ballpark in 1998 (“Parking Breaks,” November…
If I said, “Excuse me, but if I were to serve you a fragrantly seasoned lamb kebab with a side of kibbe-nayeh, would you be interested in watching a little belly dancing?” you’d probably say, “Yes. Please bring on the lamb kebab, the side of kibbe-nayeh, and, by all means,…
The Parent Rap Karla and Raul Larranaga’s double tragedy is sadly not unique (“Taken Baby Syndrome,” Tony Ortega, October 31). Child Protective Services, in its usually well-intentioned zeal to protect children, has acted as investigator, judge and jury in child-abuse cases. The agency usually gets it at least partially right,…
Castles ‘n’ Coasters 9445 North Metro Parkway East (at Metrocenter) When it opened in the early 1980s, Castles ‘n’ Coasters (nee Golf ‘n’ Stuff) forever changed the face of the Valley funscape. In terms of escapism, CnC’s four 18-hole courses–nestled into an Astroturf-and-concrete depression of roughly the same dimensions as…
O.J., DeLorean, North — and Symington? At first blush, the federal government’s 23-count criminal indictment against Arizona Governor J. Fife Symington III appears to be a devastating document. The indictment charges that Symington knowingly misled five lenders about his financial health in connection with nearly $150 million in loans for…
Pregnancies? Jerrod Mustaf Been There. When he wore a Phoenix Suns uniform, Jerrod Mustaf did next to nothing. Off the court, however, he was quite a scorer. Mustaf remains a suspect in an ongoing investigation into the murder of Althea Hayes, who was pregnant with his child when she was…
The Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office and its posses appear to be violating the Arizona Public Records Law by refusing to disclose information about how they handle hundreds of thousands of dollars. For more than a year, Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s 49 separate volunteer posses have raised funds by selling souvenir pink…
At the Reverend Anthony Harvey’s drive-through window east of downtown Phoenix, you can’t cash a check, order a cheeseburger or pick up a six-pack. Instead, he’ll serve you a bier. Earlier this year, Harvey installed a drive-through viewing window in his mortuary at 1641 East Jefferson. An option offered to…
It has nine heads. It has 18 eyes. It seems to speak its own language. It can drone a man into a drooling stupor, or it can make decisions faster than most mortals can place a drive-through order at McDonald’s. It comes to life in a sacred spherical dwelling where…
Up on a Pedestal Regarding Edward Lebow’s article about Lawrence Tenney Stevens (“The Amazing Colossal Sculptor,” October 31) . . . Brilliant! John Faubion, Lawrence Tenney Stevens Trust Tempe The Ugly Toxin Residents of the Valley of the Sun need to wake up and see that the departments of Environmental…
A plaque Ron Frederick keeps stashed away in his Chandler home isn’t much to behold. The glue holding its brushed-metal faceplate long ago lost its bond. But the trophy is one of the few things Frederick, 36, retains from those heady days when he tasted greatness. In the world of…
“I don’t happen to like baseball and I don’t understand it,” says Margaret Mullen, executive director of the Downtown Phoenix Partnership. Mullen doesn’t “do computers”; she doesn’t need to. With her computerlike memory, she accesses chapter and verse of exactly why there will be only two daytime baseball games during…
Court is now in session–QuickCourt, that is. All rise! Not that anyone who uses any of the two dozen judicial vending machines unveiled by the Arizona Supreme Court last week will have much choice. Standing at the ATM-like QuickCourt kiosks, the legally clueless can now electronically fill out paperwork relating…
R&G G = R& Once upon a time not so long ago, The Flash considered the Phoenix Gazette a better read than its drooling, slothful, J.D. Hayworthesque brother, the morning Arizona Republic. The Gazette’s writing was not so turgid, the reporting was more complete, the photography more compelling, the journalists…
By nearly any standard, 80-year-old Vivian Martin is a model citizen. She has never–ever–missed an opportunity to vote. Her modest west Phoenix home is immaculate, from the green lawn to the autumn-themed pumpkin centerpiece in the dining room. She’s genteel and alert, although osteoporosis sometimes limits her mobility. And for…
In late September, New Times detailed the troubles of Phoenix attorney Ted Segal–including allegations by several former clients that Segal had defrauded them of their life savings (“The Living Lawyer Joke,” September 26). The clients, mostly frugal but financially unsophisticated working-class people, had been persuaded by Segal to “invest” their…
