Funny

Alternative Opinion: The Super Bowl Sucks

Editor's Note: We're excited at New Times for the Super Bowl and all the culture and parties and concerts that come with it, but we know not everyone is, and we asked one of them to explain why. Here's an alternative opinion on what the Super Bowl brings to town.

I'm 100 percent against any event that puts DJ Pauly D. (who performed Thursday night) and myself in the same county at the same time. So I'm going to have to ask the Super Bowl to pack up and head back to New Orleans, where it belongs.

In theory, I like the idea of the Super Bowl coming to Phoenix. It's exciting. Countless thousands of people pour into town looking to have a good time and party it up all over the Valley.

See also: 20 Best Super Concerts of Super Bowl Week

But in practice, I hate what this looks like and wish that all these people, and especially Pauly, would just stay home. Pauly D is just the embodiment of why all the hoopla surrounding this game is ridiculous.

This is a person who is famous for no other reason than acting like an asshole on national television, and he is the type of person providing the entertainment for events surrounding the Super Bowl. There's just so little value to his, or really any, performance this weekend.

Imagine Dragons, Snoop Dogg, Walk the Moon, Dierks Bentley, Pitbull -- it's just an amorphous hodgepodge of bad mainstream pop. It's even hard to attribute any value to The Roots' performance, since they take the stage at Verizon Super Bowl Central.

It's just really hard to take any of the acts coming to town seriously when Mr. Jersey Shore is one of them. Not to mention Dramarama, Bow Wow Wow, and Florida Georgia Line.

Then there is the rash of super-expensive celeb parties that will be hosted by musical icons who won't even be performing. Nelly, Ludacris, and Steven Tyler are all hosting huge parties that tons of celebrities are expected to attend, and Tyler is the only one of the three with a short set planned for the event.

At least True Downtown gave the Pro Bowl crowd a real taste of Phoenix music and arts with decker., Captain Squeegee, and Jared and the Mill.

But the Pro Bowl is really second banana to the Super Bowl, so it's just a consolation prize for the local scene.

The ridiculous spectacle that is coming into town this weekend really has nothing to do with Phoenix or football and everything to do with advertising dollars. For people coming to get a taste of Phoenix during the Super Bowl they mind as well just go to Disneyland, because they are getting more of a taste of Downtown Disney than they are Phoenix, Arizona.

Find any show in Metro Phoenix via our extensive online concert calendar.

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Jeff Moses
Contact: Jeff Moses