So we here at Up on the Sun are here to make sure you, our dear readers, get the best of Valley culture and music. Ergo, since Scott "Bringing Out My Punk Side Tonight" MacIntyre happens to hail from our great state, we thought we'd check out his performance before moving on the the other contestants, or until he gets his ass canned, which ever comes first. And if his performance last night was any indication, we could be saying goodbye to Scotty boy as early as tomorrow night.
I wish I could have more love for our hometown boy, but I just was not feeling it last night. His performance wasn't so-so bad or, if you're Paula, "so courageous, not because you're blind, but because you make me forget you're blind" bad. It was just plain bad, and whether you've got 20/20 vision or you're blind as a bat, your hearing should still be up to snuff, right? We all know off-key when we hear it, yes? And we all know that when you're the next Vote for the Worst pick, you're in trouble.
I give him props for trying out the guitar, but it didn't add anything to the song, and am I the only one who was distracted the whole time by thoughts of him falling off the stage? It didn't help when Randy told him that in order to do well in the competition, he needed to "leap off the stage." To be fair, he did add the word "vocally" at the end, but Big Dawg's critique is funnier without it, no?
Scott is definitely talented, but he isn't really well suited to this competition. He has the personality, but he is just clearly outsung by people like Adam Lambert and as much as it pains me to admit it, Danny Gokey.
As a sidenote, MacIntyre managed to pick a song (Survivor's "The Search Is Over") whose lyrics included the phrase, "look in my eyes/I can see forever" three times, prompting me to giggle every time. It's like asking a deaf person to sing Beyonce's "Listen" (which, for the record, features the word "listen" or "listened" or "heard" 10 times). So basically, I think Scott needs to go after last night, but something tells me it's not going to happen. I think Lil will be leaving tonight.
A quick recap of the other seven:
Hokey Gokey: Tonight's theme was "Songs From the Year You Were Born," and the producers had everybody show baby pictures of themselves during their video package. I didn't think babies could look annoying and full of themselves, but somehow Baby Gokey has that smug asshole look on his face. He sang a crapp-ily arranged version of "Stand By Me," which he sang fine, but was boring in comparison to most of the night's other performances. Judges pretty much liked it. To me, the fourth worst of the night, but he's obviously still a shoo-in to get through tomorrow.
Kris Allen: Adorable baby who wanted to be a taxi driver when he grew up. All together now: awwwww. Sang "All She Wants To Do is Dance," which might be the dumbest song on the planet (love you Don Henley, but really?), and did not translate well live. And what is with the hot young male thangs singing in a sea of horny 14-year-olds (see Matt Giraud's performance last week)? It was boring, the judges hated it, but he's hot and he rocked last week so he's not going home yet. Third worst of the night.
Lil Rounds: Her mother sets America straight--yes, her daughter's given name is Lil. Also, yes, her ass is real. All right, I made that part up. But you have to wonder about that thing, don't you? Anyway, Lil sang "What's Love Got To Do With It," and it's like I was at a bad corporate retreat where the entertainment was a cutrate Tina Turner impersonator. The singing was decent, but the whole thing, down to the weird leather outfit, was kind of schlocky. The judges hated it, and it's down to the wire between her and Scott tonight to go home.
Anoop Desai: Of course Anoop was a ridiculously adorable baby and of course Mr. and Mrs. Desai are still incredibly adorable. What's more surprising was Anoop's genuinely good version of Cyndi Lauper's "True Colors," which I expected to be cheesy but was actually really pretty. It was such a 180 from last week's horrible "Caught Up" that it was almost confusing. The judges mostly liked it (Simon called him a "singing yoyo"), and I think he firmly placed himself in the top four performances of the night.
Allison Iraheta: Allison was born in 1992, which made me feel super old. But then her cute mom distracted me by busting out with a story about how she thought there was something wrong with her daughter because she talked so much and the doctor told her it was OK, she was going to be a singer. Or something like that. Then I felt old again. Damn. Anyway, Allison sang Bonnie Raitt's "I Can't Make You Love Me," and I love me some Bonnie Raitt, so I was super excited. As per usual, Allison rocked the hell out of it, Hot Topic-inspired outfit and all. Simon told her she needs to be more likable, which is sort of true, but sister can sing. Randy said she reminded him of Kelly Clarkson, which you can really see in this clip (which looks like some sort of Spanish American Idol). She even looks like Clarkson. Second best of the night.
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Matt Giraud: Matt was an awkward child, and if I were him, I would never have let that creepy angel video see the light of day. He wore his favored J. Timberlake hat and sang Stevie Wonder's "Part Time Lover." I forgot what a jam that song was. So Matt did a total JT performance, but it really worked. He had, as Randy liked to say, his swagger on high. Third best of the night.
Adam Lambert: Adam has pretty much been my pick to win it all from the beginning, but last night's performance of Tears for Fears' "Mad World" solidified it. It was sexy and edgy and weird and totally well-sung and above all else highly entertaining. And it prompted Simon to give the first standing O I've seen him give in recent years. Or maybe even ever. His video package was great, too. Mom: Scott was into everything Dad: Sports, not so much.
Should be in the Bottom Three: Lil, Scott, Kris
Will be in the Bottom Three: Lil, Scott, Anoop
Will go home: A toss-up between Lil and Scott, but if forced to pick, I'd go with Scott.