Local Wire


A conversation between two guys, "Jeff" and "Frank," recently overheard at a diner at 2:45 a.m.

JEFF: Okay, so if Glenn Danzig fought Henry Rollins, who'd win?

FRANK: Man, that's the oldest one ever!

JEFF: C'mon, who'd win? I say Rollins -- he's like a foot taller and way tougher than that shrimp.

FRANK: Nah, Rollins is all soft from bein' on VH1 every night. You'd never see Danzig doin' that. Danzig's ripped and he's scary and he's got like a quadruple black belt in Jeet Kune Do -- he learned it from Bruce Lee or some shit. He'd fuck Rollins up.

JEFF: No way -- Danzig's too old to be scary, ain't he like 50? And I thought he got fat.

FRANK: So? Rollins is old, too, and does that spoken-word crap. Danzig still rocks hard and he also puts out comic books with crazy naked vampire chicks in 'em. And even if Rollins was poundin' on Danzig's head, Danzig could summon some demons or werewolves to rip his throat out. No way Rollins can beat that.

JEFF: Yeah, that's true. I guess it don't matter anyways, since I heard those guys are friends.

FRANK: Lame. I could kick both their asses if I wanted to. You gonna eat that onion ring?

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Michael Alan Goldberg