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[Editor's note: Deathmatch pairs two things that have something in common, and determines who is better. It's a concept we sort-of ripped off from MTV, except that instead of claymation it's the printed word!]

By Paul T. Bradley

Released in 2003, 14 Shades of Grey is the fourth studio album from alt-bro / tough-guys-in-pain rock band Staind. It was the follow-up to their incomprehensibly successful Break the Cycle.

E.L. James' bestselling housewife masturbatory novel Fifty Shades of Grey , meanwhile, has just spawned a cross-branded album of classical music. Released in September, it contains songs mentioned in the novel and inspired by its protagonists' love of classical music. It is now now #4 on Billboard's classical chart.

So, which one's better, Fifty Shades of Grey or 14 Shades of Grey? Below, we compare them in a number of important categories.

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