10 Signs Spring Doesn't Exist in Phoenix

Now more than a week into Spring, we've developed a conspiracy theory -- Spring doesn't actually exist in Phoenix. Here are 10 pieces of evidence that we don't have a Spring season:...

By Matthew Hendley

March 30, 2015

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Now more than a week into Spring, we've developed a conspiracy theory -- Spring doesn't actually exist in Phoenix.

Here are 10 pieces of evidence that we don't have a Spring season:

10.) "April Showers" Don't Exist

Lies.

9.) "May Flowers" Came in March

So we've been teaching lies to Phoenix's kindergarten students.

8.) "Spring" Training Starts in Winter

Coincidence?

7.) Our Clocks Don't "Spring Forward" for Daylight Savings Time

How convenient, that we don't participate in Daylight Savings Time.

6.) Adults Don't Get Spring Break

This is the case everywhere, which is a shame, but how can we verify Spring exists if we don't have Spring Break?

5.) Punxsutawney Phil Predicted a Long Winter (on a 70-Degree Day in Phoenix)

Very suspicious.

4.) The Cacti Don't Look Any Different

Conspiracy.

3.) Was There a Winter?

Maybe we just have two seasons: Kind of Summer, and Very Summer.

2.) Maybe January Was the Real Spring

Did we miss it?

1.) On What Planet Is It Almost 100 Degrees on the First Week of Spring?

Well, technically, this planet.

Follow Valley Fever on Twitter at @ValleyFeverPHX. Follow Matthew Hendley at @MatthewHendley.

Matthew Hendley

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