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9 Things You Should Never Do in Phoenix

There are things you should and should not do in any city you live in, but in Phoenix there is a certain reputation to uphold. So take our advice and don't do these 9 things ... ever.

Leave anything in your car
Particularly children and pets, but also crayons, chocolate, or anything else you don't want freshly painted into the upholstery. This mostly applies to the nine months a year when it's summer, but you should learn to follow this rule all year round.

Wear a ski jacket and gloves
It's never that cold. Stop overreacting. You should be celebrating when it drops to 70 degrees, because that means it won't be 110 for at least a little while. You can go outside and enjoy life in Phoenix without worrying about dying of heatstroke or sweating through your gray shirt.

Attract the attention of a Maricopa County sheriff's deputy
We know you think you have constitutional rights, but we've got the badges and dogs.

Go to Taco Bell
Grow up and go to a place with Spanish words in the title. Check out our Food Section for some recommendations. There are hundreds of better options than this gross monstrosity of a "Mexican" chain restaurant.

Say Phoenix is boring, when you live in Anthem
Please clarify that it's your life in the suburbs that's boring, not Phoenix.

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Walk outside barefoot
Unless your plan is to burn off the soles of your feet, definitely don't do this. Not even to get the mail; you won't make it. This is maybe the only thing more painful than stepping on a piece of broken glass from that tequila bottle you dropped on your kitchen floor after taking too many shots.

Touch the metal part of the seat belt
Unless you need to cauterize a wound. Or if you're a masochist.

Get too friendly with a cactus
If you haven't pulled cactus spines out of yourself, you just haven't lived here long enough. Watch out for cholla, in particular.

Say, "It's a dry heat"
We're pretty sure they legalized punching people who say this.

Keep Phoenix New Times Free... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Phoenix with no paywalls.

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Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Phoenix.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Phoenix.