Welcome to Phoenix – don't do these things.
Welcome to Phoenix – don't do these things.
Lynn Trimble

9 Things You Should Never Do in Phoenix

There are things you should and should not do in any city you live in, but in Phoenix there is a certain reputation to uphold. So take our advice and don't do these 9 things ... ever.

This may be on concrete, but it will be even worse on the floors of your car. That's one stain that will never go away.
This may be on concrete, but it will be even worse on the floors of your car. That's one stain that will never go away.

Leave anything in your car
Particularly children and pets, but also crayons, chocolate, or anything else you don't want freshly painted into the upholstery. This mostly applies to the nine months a year when it's summer, but you should learn to follow this rule all year round.

Act like it's April 25. Not too hot, not too cold ... all you need is a light jacket.
Act like it's April 25. Not too hot, not too cold ... all you need is a light jacket.

Wear a ski jacket and gloves
It's never that cold. Stop overreacting. You should be celebrating when it drops to 70 degrees, because that means it won't be 110 for at least a little while. You can go outside and enjoy life in Phoenix without worrying about dying of heatstroke or sweating through your gray shirt.

Who let the dogs out? Sheriff Paul Penzone.EXPAND
Who let the dogs out? Sheriff Paul Penzone.
MCSO body cam

Attract the attention of a Maricopa County sheriff's deputy
We know you think you have constitutional rights, but we've got the badges and dogs.

Not even its slogan could bother to be fully in Spanish.
Not even its slogan could bother to be fully in Spanish.

Go to Taco Bell
Grow up and go to a place with Spanish words in the title. Check out our Food Section for some recommendations. There are hundreds of better options than this gross monstrosity of a "Mexican" chain restaurant.

Phoenix isn't boring. You are.
Phoenix isn't boring. You are.
Anthem AZ Twitter

Say Phoenix is boring, when you live in Anthem
Please clarify that it's your life in the suburbs that's boring, not Phoenix.

Say goodbye to feeling your feet again.
Say goodbye to feeling your feet again.

Walk outside barefoot
Unless your plan is to burn off the soles of your feet, definitely don't do this. Not even to get the mail; you won't make it. This is maybe the only thing more painful than stepping on a piece of broken glass from that tequila bottle you dropped on your kitchen floor after taking too many shots.

This is your biggest enemy in the summertime.
This is your biggest enemy in the summertime.

Touch the metal part of the seat belt
Unless you need to cauterize a wound. Or if you're a masochist.

Cactuses are plants, not friends.
Cactuses are plants, not friends.

Get too friendly with a cactus
If you haven't pulled cactus spines out of yourself, you just haven't lived here long enough. Watch out for cholla, in particular.

This is what you sound/look like when you say "it's a dry heat."
This is what you sound/look like when you say "it's a dry heat."
Meme created by Dillon Rosenblatt

Say, "It's a dry heat"
We're pretty sure they legalized punching people who say this.

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