We’re talking about the many unofficial write-in votes cast by Arizonans who opted against the candidates offered by our two-party system in favor of comedy legends, dead presidents, fictional characters and everything in between.
Recently, social media user Jamal James shared Maricopa County’s list of 2024 Unofficial Presidential Write-ins. Phoenix New Times asked the Maricopa County Elections Department to verify its authenticity, but has not heard back.
A relative worked at MCTEC the last couple weeks. The employees received this list tonight of unofficial write-ins on Maricopa ballots. pic.twitter.com/i5CNYHlOaF
— jj (@Jamal___James) November 17, 2024
Here are our 10 favorites.
AI Hologram of Ronald Reagan
After Harris spent her campaign quoting Reagan’s trademark “shining city upon a hill” image of America — and after she leaned to the right, campaigning with Liz Cheney to attract Republicans who miss the days of Reagan and Sen. John McCain — Democrats may as well have run this option instead.Dixon Butts
I don't like talking politics on here, but if you don't support Dixon Butts, I don't know if we can be friends pic.twitter.com/PjdlWedr6a
— Tyler Meinerding (@TylerMeinerding) August 28, 2024
Thanks to several fake campaign signs throughout the Valley, Dixon Butts — of “America Needs Dixon Butts!” fame — clearly made an impact on at least one member of the electorate. We look forward to more Dixon Butts in 2026.
El Chapo Guzman
While one felon will take over the office of the presidency in January, one voter cast their ballot for another. But, unlike the future president, El Chapo is neither a U.S. citizen nor will he get out of prison anytime soon.Unless, you know, he escapes again.
Frank the Pug
This is the talking dog from Men in Black — or a smart-mouth alien disguised as a talking dog, if you're a stickler for detail. Whatever he is, he'd probably know better than to appoint South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem the head of anything.Theodore John Kaczynski
“In the 1960s, there was a young man who graduated from the University of Michigan. He did some brilliant work in mathematics, specifically bounded harmonic functions. Then he went on to Berkeley and was an assistant professor, showed amazing potential. Then he moved to Montana, and he blew the competition away.”Sounds like a great candidate! One question:
Wet Fart
While one voter cast a ballot for “Balls” and a second voter for “Turd,” this one voted for something — someone? — more, uh, in between the two.Alice Cooper/Harambe
What do a 76-year-old Arizona rock legend and a martyred gorilla have to do with each other? That’s not entirely clear.
But hear us out. Take the melody from Cooper’s iconic “School’s Out,” add some new lyrics and, boom, new national anthem. Please rise, remove your hat and place your hand over your heart as we all sing, “Diiiiiiiiicks Out! For! Harambe!”
Tater Tot
Pretty sure this is just what Trump calls Don Jr.Mayor McCheese
BREAKING: Donald Trump announces the appointment of Mayor McCheese as Secretary of Health, Human Services and Flavor pic.twitter.com/NmkcjOyGB2
— Jason (@LMHC_NY) November 13, 2024
Are you worried about Robert F. Kennedy Jr. taking over the Food and Drug Administration to “Make America Healthy Again”? Concerned he’ll come for your sugary cereals and fast food burgers?
You should have cast your ballot for America’s favorite cheeseburger-head mayor. Sure, Donald Trump may be force-feeding RFK Jr. Big Macs on his plane, but he’s also promised to allow the anti-science and anti-vaccine crusader to “go wild” on health care.
This would simply never happen under a President McCheese administration.
