Joe Arpaio Plans to Make Publicity Stunt Out of Swearing-In Ceremony, Promises "Hollywood Celebrities"

This may be incredibly hard to believe, but Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio has planned a publicity stunt.

Yes, the man who dresses inmates in pink underwear, has provided those inmates with an Elvis impersonator, has allowed female inmates to throw panties in the jail, holds inmate coloring contests, and props up a completely bogus "investigation" into the president's birth certificate has planned a publicity stunt.

See also:
-This is What Went on in Tent City Today: an Elvis Impersonator, Cake, and Female Inmates Throwing Panties at 79-Year-Old Joe Arpaio
-Joe Arpaio's New Birther "Evidence," as Usual, Was Debunked Months Ago

Because Maricopa County voters somehow thought it would be a good idea to elect 80-year-old Arpaio yet again, he's having swearing-in ceremony today, and MCSO promises "Hollywood celebrities."

The only two "Hollywood celebrities" we could possibly imagine showing up today would be Ted Nugent or Steven Seagal, both of whom hardly qualify as "celebrities."

Since we'll have to wait a few hours to find out who these "Hollywood celebrities" are, we'll offer our best guesses, in case it's not one of the two aforementioned bozos:

  1. Ron Jeremy
  2. Andy Dick
  3. Macaulay Culkin
  4. Danny Bonaduce
  5. Gary Busey
  6. Jose Canseco
  7. Dennis Rodman

Actually, those guys would probably make a kick-ass party.

Anyway, Arpaio's wife, Ava, is going to head up the swearing-in ceremony, followed by a six-hour checkers match, a few episodes of Matlock, a few naps, and Jell-O delivered to the room.

"A number of local dignitaries" will also be in attendance, according to MCSO.

KEEP PHOENIX NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Matthew Hendley
Contact: Matthew Hendley