Sorry to ruin your breakfast, your lunch and your day, but this is the most recent commercial from Sheriff Joe Arpaio's re-election campaign that's guaranteed to induce gastrointestinal distress in anyone with more than half a lick of sense.
See also: -Joe Arpaio Cares About "the Kids" in Ironic New Campaign Ad -Joe Arpaio's Deputy Told to Work Fraud Cases Instead of Child Rape Crime -James Naylor Was Willing to Try a "Hung K9"; Of Course, Joe Arpaio's on the Case -Couple Busted Trying to Find a Dog on Craigslist to "Fornicate" With Sentenced to Probation -Joe Arpaio-Foe Paul Penzone Blasts Sheriff's Hypocritical New Ad -Arpaio Snuggles Up to an Ex-Inmate in His Cynical Bid for a Sixth Term -Joe Arpaio on the Run from Paul Penzone This latest attempt by Arpaio's campaign guru Chad Willems to morph his candidate into a human being, features pics of puppies in cages, a starved dog, and a painfully-twisted horse.
"Sheriff Arpaio made fighting animal abuse a real priority," a woman's voice reads. "That's why his deputies arrest anyone found doing harm to animals and take them directly to jail."
Too bad humans don't get the same courtesy in this county, or that Arpaio hasn't made fighting the sexual abuse of minors a "real priority." Perhaps then, his office would not have botched more than 400 sex crime cases in El Mirage and elsewhere.
Ironically, the commercial shows Arpaio talking to children, right before it bills him as "a powerful ally for our four-legged companions."
If you walk on two legs, not so much. For instance, last month, I wrote about how an MCSO supervisor ordered an investigator in the sheriff's Special Victims Unit to prioritize various cases involving fraud over the rape of a 13 year-old girl by her uncle.
So MCSO dropped the ball, and the girl was raped repeatedly over the next few years, even impregnated by her abuser.
But should your sickness be bestiality instead of child rape, Arpaio's boys in beige will be all over you like hair on a pooch. Heck, they'll set up Craiglist stings, whatever they have to do, should you and yours be looking for a date with Fido.
Which is as it should be, I reckon, except you'd think the MCSO would prioritize cases dealing with women and children being sexually assaulted. Or at least give those investigations the same shoe-leather and elbow grease that are given the cases dealing with the canine fornicators.
"Sheriff Joe Arpaio," the woman tells us toward the end of the 30-second ad. "A tough sheriff, with a soft spot."
What a pant-load. And what about that tagline, "Sheriff Joe Arpaio, protecting all of us"?
Tell the big lie, and tell it often. It's worked for every despot in history, and Willems may make it work for Maricopa County's corrupt, tin-pot autocrat.
If money were any indication of results, then Arpaio's victory would be guaranteed. Willems' Summit Consulting was paid close to $1 million for little more than a month's work, according to the latest campaign finance filing with the county, much it going for TV ads such as the one above.
But Willems was also one of the brain surgeons behind former state Senate President Russell Pearce's disastrous loss during the 2011 recall. Even the big-money guys can lose 'em, once in a while, you see.
Keep Phoenix New Times Free... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Phoenix with no paywalls.