Audio By Carbonatix
Just a few of the undercover deputies used on “Smile…You’re Under Arrest!”
L.A. publicists are wonderful folks. As I blogged a while back, a PR flack for the firm 5W PR contacted me in November and hooked me up with an interview with The Dirty’s Nik Richie, a.k.a., Hooman Karamian, a.k.a., Corbin Grimes. In it, I got to ask Richie/Karamian/Grimes some questions he doesn’t commonly get asked, at least till the PR chick pulled the plug on me.
More recently, one Lisa Bustamante, a publicist for La-la Land’s mPRm, hit me up, asking if I was interested in writing something about Sheriff Joe’s lame-ass new show for the Fox Reality Channel, Smile…You’re Under Arrest!, wherein penny-ante criminals with outstanding warrants are suckered by elaborate stings.
For example, in the episode they sent me, the producers set up a fake club at Scottsdale’s Myst where they invite outstanding warrant-holders to participate in a fashion shoot for “Average Guy Clothing.” Then they arrest them, after spending a lot of time punking each one, getting them to dress up in the street fashions and say stupid things to the camera, like, “This year, stripes are in,” or “I couldn’t get arrested in this town until I wore Average Guy Clothes.”
Two more MCSO: These guys look like they stepped right off the set of Reno 911.
According to Bustamante, there have only been three episodes shot so far, each using other scenarios, obviously. The first one’s set to premiere in the ass-end of the year, on December 27. Bustamante also told me there were no sponsors signed up yet. In other words, this show sounds like a loser right out of the gate. I asked her to send me a media kit, though I figured I’d just square-file it, until she wondered if I’d be up for interviewing Sheriff Joe.
Why, I told her, I’d love to interview Sheriff Joe. Bustamante was apparently unaware of the contentious relationship New Times has with the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office. Crikey, they don’t even allow New Times
reporters to attend their press conferences, though we have managed to
sneak in occasionally. And I have been able to lob questions at our
corrupt top cop by catching him at book signings and such.
To be
honest, I’m more than a little tired of the guy, post-election, as I’m sure most
of you are. But I thought if by some miracle the PR lady was able to
arrange a sit down, I could hit Joe with a few jail-based reality series ideas of
my own, like, Smile…You’ve Just Been Beaten to
Death by a Member of the Aryan Brotherhood, as happened to MCSO inmate
Robert Cotton recently, or, Smile…You’ve Just Been Asphyxiated by MCSO Guards (Allegedly), inspired by the jailhouse death of Juan Mendoza Farias.
Other pitches I wanted to make were, Smile…We’re Going to Charge You for This Rancid Food We’re Going to Make You Eat, or, Smile…You Just Lost Your Unborn Child Because of Crappy Medical Care While in Joe’s Jails.
Or even, Smile…You Were Just Bitten By a Poisonous Spider in Tent City. The last happened to a friend of mine, who almost
ended up losing his arm because of an untreated arachnid bite while he was doing his DUI time.
But, alas, it
was not to be. After several e-mails nailing down what day
and time would be best for my in-person interview with ol’ Joe, Bustamante
got back to me with the sad message, “Unfortunately, his office has
passed on your interview request.” When I asked for a reason, she said
his office gave none. B-b-but, I already had the suit I was gonna wear
picked out and everything! Bummer, dude…
I did, however, get a
preview DVD of the show with the press kit, and I can tell you that it
sucks like a toothless $3 hooker on Van Buren. (Um, not that I’d know, of course.) A couple
of things struck me about the episode. First, how slow Joe is
speaking. Sounds like the guy’s one step away from
stroke-city. Second, how many undercover deputies they had on this
assignment. I’ve put in a public records request asking for the
details. I’d guestimate there were anywhere from a dozen to two
dozen officers identified in the episode all told.
Talk about a waste of resources. Did they
really need this many deputies? Were they paid overtime? And did they
pick up any checks from Fox for being on the show? What was really
funny was some of the retarded stuff Dave Sheridan, the lead actor
playing the fashion designer/host, says on camera.
“It doesn’t
matter what the crime is,” Sheridan says at one point of the
arrestees, most of whom were no-shows to court on DUIs and drug
possession counts. “[They] didn’t show up to court, and a warrant was
issued. They’re wasting taxpayer dollars with this cat and mouse game.”
Later,
Sheridan pops off again with another winner: “The bottom line is
Arizonans can sleep better tonight. We just saved them a fortune!”
Sure,
Sparky. Next, you’ll be telling us MCSO honcho David Hendershott’s air biscuits smell like roses. There are
40,000 felony warrants outstanding in the county, crime is up in the
unincorporated areas, and the deputies our tax monies pay for are busy
playing footsie with Hollywood phonies. All so Sheriff Joe can get his
pale, wrinkled mug on cable TV. No wonder Joe didn’t want to talk about
this clown parade with me. Considering our county-wide budget crunch,
this waste of time and resources has zero good excuses.
