Feathered Bastard

Neo-Nazi NSM Invades Phoenix November 13: Wanna Do Battle? Why, Send in the Clowns

A lot of folks have been e-mailing me of late to wonder if I knew that the neo-Nazi National Socialist Movement will be back in town on Saturday, November 13, to reprise their performance of last year at this time, when they got owned by local anarchists who came out to jeer at 'em.

Sure, I know NSM Commander Jeff Schoep's meal ticket will be returning to Phoenix for a demo to take place at the Sandra Day O'Connor U.S. Courthouse instead of the state Capitol like last time. 

Actually, I mentioned this way back in a September 28 blog post. Pay attention, people! Your final grade in this class depends on it.

Anyway, it occurs to me that since these fascist Froot Loops like to play dress up and march through our burg, that perhaps the best way to battle them is not to scream and shout at these wackadoodles, but to hold up a mirror to them and reveal them for what they are: Clowns.

Can you imagine the consternation on the faces of these swastika-lickers if they were met by a sea of gesticulating Bozos? If anything, these anti-Semitic freaks desperately want to be taken seriously. But how can they be taken seriously when an army of Clarabells, Bubbleses, and Krusties surrounds them tossing confetti and honking bicycle horns?

I'll grant you, it is a bit redundant. A hodgepodge of loopy losers dressed up like goosesteppers of yore -- and actually believing in all the racist gobbledygook that goes with it? That's about as subtle as wearing a sandwich board emblazoned with the word "Idiot" and an arrow pointing up.

I've already been hearing of some street theater brewing, and I know the anarchists are planning to be there, many of them no doubt wearing their bandannas like faux Zapatistas. (Sigh.) 

But I ask the anarchists and other anti-fascists to consider the visuals that'd be provided by clusters of clowns flapping their big red feet at these brain-damaged, supremacist mooks. Talk about a scene right out of Fellini.

Moreover, those proud Aryan warriors will never live down being jeered at and mocked mercilessly by the spiritual kids of Ronald McDonald. Which is particularly rib-ticklin', since most neo-Nazis would be lucky to score jobs at the Golden Arches.

I have one more piece of advice for the anarchists, since there's no love lost between the Phoenix PD and Sand Land Kropotkins: Keep your heads cool and don't get gamed by the Hitler-worshippers.

See, this is how it works. The cops stand between you and the Nazis, who have a First Amendment right to demonstrate. Freedom of assembly and all that. Being Nazis, they hurl racial slurs, shout insanities, and generally try to bait their opponents.

You anarchists are enraged at the sight of your natural enemies, but you're held back by the bulls. You perceive the cops as protecting the Nazis, and transfer your hostility to them. And as you don't like cops already, and as the cops are within easy reach...well, you see how this goes.

Of course, that's exactly what the Nazis want, so they can portray themselves as upstanding law-abiding citizens set upon by an angry mob. 

All I'm saying is get wise to their game plan and act accordingly. The Phoenix PD isn't going away. You can always protest them another day, after the Nazis get owned, like they were in 2009.

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Stephen is a former staff writer and columnist at Phoenix New Times.
Contact: Stephen Lemons