Congratulations to the New Times reader who goes by the handle Anrdew Thom Ass, you are the proud winner of this week's New Times You Write the Caption contest.
On Friday, we asked readers to provide what they thought would be an appropriate caption for the above photo of Bruce Wardell -- and his mullet.
Wardell is accused of watching porn in front of his girlfriend's 6-year-old daughter. His girlfriend, Latease Coddington, who lived in Wardell's house, shot up some sort of injectable drug in front of the girl, according to police.
The two allegedly hid the girl in a tiny storage compartment hidden under a bed whenever Child Protective Services paid a visit to Wardell's house.
Read all about it here.
In addition to allegedly being a grade-A shit-bag, Wardell also has a rather epic mullet.
We had nearly 30 responses in the comment section of the post, which you can see by clicking here.
We picked the five best reader captions and put it to a vote. For the first time in You Write the Caption history, there was a tie -- between Andrew Thom Ass and Andrew Thom Ass.
Mr. Thom Ass stole the show with two entries, which can be seen below.
"But officer, it was STRAIGHT PORN!!! He wasn't goin' in her ASS or Nuthin'..."
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"I can still vote for Russell Pearce, Right?"
As it turns out, Mr. Thom Ass is currently the only You Write the Caption winner to claim his prize: a firm handshake, and a lukewarm glass of Phoenix's municipal tap water in our office at the New Times Building at 1201 East Jefferson Street in Phoenix -- and we invite him back for another good chat (and glass of gross water).
Thanks to everyone who played, and congrats again to Andrew Thom Ass.