25 Greatest Mustaches of All Time
Welcome to Movember, when the beards get shaved, and men grow mustaches like every day. Handlebars, Fu Manchus, see hipsters trying, and ‘staches don’t stop ‘til December comes flying.
All musical parodies aside, here are the 25 greatest mustaches of all time.
You really thought the only reason your mom watched Jeopardy every day was to see how well she might do? Trebek’s mustache has been wooing Jeopardy fans for decades. Sure, he shaves it on occasion, but that’s just so people don’t take it for granted.
One of rock history’s greatest guitarists had one of facial hair history’s most underrated mustaches. Modern rockers can only hope to achieve the iconic mustachioed greatness of this legend.
Nick Offerman might shave his mustache sometimes, but Ron Swanson never would. It’s the type of manly mustache that your dad aspired to have in the ‘80s and ‘90s. The only person who could possibly ruin a mustache so great? Tammy...
There are old school Western mustaches, and then there are old school Western mustaches. Wyatt Earp is the best of the bunch, and you better believe there’s a little Arizona pride on that one. Arguably the finest mustache the state has ever seen.
You could paint a picket fence with that mustache alone.
Twain probably would’ve written great books without his fabulous ‘stache, but would they have been Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn levels of great? Probably not.
Look how smart that mustache is.
Oren Jack Turner
Maybe the most intelligent mustache in history, you wouldn’t have seen a babyfaced guy coming up with the most famous relativity equation. Imagine Einstein without a mustache, he’d look super weird.
Rich Uncle Pennybags
How do you judge wealth? By the size and unadulterated whiteness of an old man’s mustache, duh. Half the fun of playing Monopoly growing up was dreaming of one day growing such a magnificent ‘stache (the other half was lying about how much your siblings owed you for landing on your space).
Dudley Do-Right’s archnemesis might not be the most effective villain, but he may be the most nefarious. Let’s face it, all he really wants out of life is to watch a lady get run over by a train. His facial hair game is on point though. Boris better hope Natasha never wants to improve her quality of mustache ride.
Mustaches ain't dead.
God might be dead, but great mustaches never die.
An avid proponent of the Second Amendment, Sam really can’t be blamed for his freewheeling use of firearms. Anyone with a mustache of that size and quality is probably guilty of a little reckless behavior based solely on confidence.
The biggest crime James Bond ever committed was not allowing Sean Connery to wear his phenomenal facial hair for his time as the spy. In hindsight, it’s a good thing Connery didn’t set a mustached precedent for Bond, because we doubt any of the actors who followed would look half as good with that upper lip hair.
Eddie Murphy's career has ebbed and flowed, but his mustache will live on for all eternity.
Regardless of whether or not you think Eddie Murphy’s done anything funny this century (Shrek was all right), his mustache has always been synonymous with his comedy and will likely be remembered long after the world forgets how bad The Haunted Mansion was.
Veronica Corningstone might’ve had the guts to say San Diego’s most famous news anchor’s hair was ugly, but even she couldn’t insult his mustache. Without the amazing ‘stache, Ron Burgundy wouldn’t be half the man we all know and love. He’d basically just be Chazz Michael Michaels or Ricky Bobby with a different haircut.
Williams and his mustache at Phoenix Comicon.
Billy Dee Williams
We almost went with Lando Calrissian for this spot instead of the actor himself, but it just wouldn’t be fair to the other several decades that this ‘stache has graced Williams’ face. Plus, Star Wars has always been woefully short on great facial hair, so here’s hoping Williams gets to bring that back in Episode VIII (since he’s somehow not in the one coming out next month).
The Swedish Chef
You’d mumble incoherently, too, if you were a Muppet with a mustache that awesome.
Super thin pencil mustaches are almost ever cool, but John Waters rocks one as well as anyone. It goes perfectly with his hilarious/creepy/off-putting (depending on whom you ask) vibe, and his entire look wouldn’t be the same without it. It’s not an easy look to pull off, but nothing that Waters does is “normal,” and we wouldn’t want it any other way.
If there’s ever a rock 'n' roll facial hair hall of fame, Freddie Mercury is undoubtedly getting in on the first ballot. Outside of ZZ Top, Mercury’s mustache might be the most famous facial hair in music history.
These days, baseball is full of beards of all sizes. That wasn’t always the case. Back in the day, there were glorious mustaches to be had in just about every sport, but no mustache was quite as flawless as A’s, Brewers, and Padres pitcher Rollie Fingers. Fingers was a great pitcher, but his stats and career pale in comparison to the icon located just under his nose.
Yes, he sucks and said awful, racist things, but Hogan’s mustache game is legendarily strong. Nothing wrong with that, brother.
We’d like to think if a mustache could have a mustache, it would want to have Tom Selleck’s mustache. Selleck is famous for having the gentleman’s mustache of gentleman’s mustaches, and it’s always looked immaculate.
Personally, we like Elliott’s mustache best in The Big Lebowski, but no matter which style of ‘stache you prefer on the actor, they’re always top-notch. Seeing Elliott and Ron Swanson in a room together during Parks and Rec was almost too much for our mustache-loving hearts.
Way before Hitler laid claim to this mustache style, Chaplin rocked it on film.
Yeah, that Hitler guy totally ruined Chaplin’s mustache flow, but it’s still an iconic look for one of the world’s original comedic film stars. Also, shoutout to Groucho Marx for making a very similar style of mustache all his own.
One of history’s craziest painters also had one of history’s craziest mustaches. Hipsters wish they could use enough mustache wax to pull off what Dali was doing for much of last century. Anyone who has their facial hair curl up to their eyeballs deserves a permanent spot in the mustache hall of fame.
When you stop to think about it, it’s pretty incredible that Mario has the time to perfectly groom his mustache in between whooping Bowser and saving Princess Peach. Hey, he even bails Luigi out of trouble a few times, and we’d be willing to bet he gives him mustache tips on the reg, too.
Like there was ever any question… It’s the gold standard for mustaches. Period.
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