Dirty's Topless Bar in west Phoenix has a $5 lunch special that seemed too good to be true. Armed with antibacterial wipes, just in case things got sticky, we decided we better check it out.
We were greeted by a giant bearded bouncer ready to wand down the men who enter the building. Girls do not get this special treatment. Our guess was that they thought women wouldn't bring knives and/or guns into a strip joint, or they wanted women to bring them to protect themselves if something turned ugly. This wasn't a serious concern for us since the bouncer kept a watchful eye on patrons, all three of them. There is no cover charge at Dirty's. The price of entry is realizing there may be some things you can't unsee.
There were high tops available by the bar, and the bar was almost empty except the dude sitting with the nearly topless girl. Our embarrassment for him forced us deeper into the club. We had a full view of the stage with it's mirrored columns on either side of the stripper pole, and the mirrored wall behind it. The place was surprisingly clean. The chairs were surprisingly comfortable. The Justin Bieber playing loudly was surprisingly weird. The decor was tasteful and there are several big screens scattered throughout so when you are trying to avoid eye contact with the guy getting chatted up by the scantily clad woman you can focus on any one of those big screens showing spring training baseball games.
The $5 deal is your choice of burger or sandwich, fries or salad, well, domestic beer, soda or water. Not bad and guess what? The burger was good. We know! We were surprised too! The fries came out hot and fresh. The burger was good portion sized, with a nicely toasted bun, topped with red onion, crisp iceberg lettuce, a fresh tomato slice, and you can add cheese for an extra $.50. Don't expect them to ask how you want it done. They won't. It was just a standard all-American burger with a side of delicious fries and a hint of shame.
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The burger deal isn't on the menu, but we were clued in by the bouncer when we walked in the door. We also tried the club off the menu and it was good, too. Piled high with American cheese, turkey, bacon, lettuce, tomato. There are several sandwich options on the menu.
In the end, the whole meal set us back $10.50 plus a $5 tip to our server, and no antibacterial wipes were needed. We almost made it out without seeing the show. Almost.
Dirty's Topless Bar 3308 N. Grand Ave (West) Phoenix, AZ 85017 602-265-3011 http://www.dirtystopless.com