The Five Dirtiest Food Terms
There have to be easier ways to eat fruit.
Today, the worlds of cooking and sex have never been more intertwined. With raunchy, fouled mouthed food celebs like Anthony Bourdain constantly in the public eye, and delicious food porn all the rage, we live in an age open to oral stimulation of both the kitchen and bedroom variety.
Fortunately, this attitude is perfectly suited to the filthy, guttural minds of foodies. Don't let our knowledge of fancy wines, pretentious ingredients and obscure cultures of the past fool you; Our clogged arteries flow with the blood of the crude and lewd.
So it's only natural our vocabulary matched our "dirty uncle" sense of humor.
Hit the jump below to see our favorite suggestive food terms.
To be fair, the actual process of deboning is pretty unsexy to most. It involves a lot of sharp knives and cutting of raw meat, so unless you're fulfilling your Dexter role-play fantasy, this may not be the best venue of arousal. And if it is, please stay away from my neighborhood.
To those in the know, the kumquat is a small, tough citrus fruit from Southeast Asia. However, to the uneducated, it sounds like as odd Karma Sutra finishing position that requires a whole lot of flexibility and open-mindedness.
3. Tossing the Salad
A classic, and criminal to leave off this list. If you don't know what this is by now, you're at the wrong site. You've also managed miss the past 20 years of bad Late Night jokes.
2. Pulled Pork
For as long as we can remember, pulled pork has been an American past-time, something passed-down father-to-son for generations upon generations. The barbeque dish of the same name is also pretty tasty too.
1. Blow Pops
The lollipop is easily one of the most sexualized food items - ever, accompanying the imagines of seedy strip clubs and Catholic school girl uniforms with weird stains. I mean, what did they expect, putting a food intended for sucking on a stick?
That said, few phallic-shaped candies excite the darkest, most shameless corners of one's libido quite like the Blow Pop, with its horrible name and chewy center.
Have your personal favorite dirty food word? Then get your mind in the gutter in the comments section below.
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