We’ve noticed that NASCAR and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints have a lot in common. Both organizations are growing rapidly, each meets for a long time on Sundays, and, from what we’ve noticed, hipsters often ridicule followers of both. If you’re not afraid of a little persecution,…
There are few storylines more compelling than a showdown between an old master and a promising youngster. Everyone can identify with the struggle to earn or maintain respect, which is why it was so exciting when your friend drank his father under the table. There should be another classic struggle…
Trying to relive your glory days is usually a mistake. It typically ends with you becoming that creeper who parties with high school kids. That cruel fact is what makes today’s game for the Arizona Cardinals so special. When they take on the Carolina Panthers in a rematch of last…
Last season, the_Real_Shaq’s presence on Twitter helped start a cultural revolution. Unfortunately, Shaquille O’Neal’s presence on the Phoenix Suns nearly led to a teammate revolt. To put it mildly, Shaq’s lumbering style of play did not mesh with that of star point guard Steve Nash. Forced to choose between the…
Every child dreams big; our dream was to capture the world record for the longest fingernails. The only reason we aren’t currently in The Guinness Book of World Records is that we repeatedly lost sight of our goal whenever our Mom threatened to revoke our dessert privileges. At the end…
We’re terrible house-sitters. It’s not that we’re irresponsible; we just suck at keeping plants alive. Worse yet, we don’t really know what it is we do wrong. It’s gotten so bad that we’re planning to buy a plant just to practice not killing it. That’s one reason we’re heading to…
Athletes with personal problems play better because their sport becomes a means of escape. It’s why Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis won it all after his trial for murder and why that guy in your rec league who’s going through a bitter divorce pulls down 15 rebounds a game. Given…
Since the Diamondbacks are the only summer game in town, there’s no fallback plan if the season goes awry. That’s the tough thing about being a baseball fan in Phoenix. Thankfully, when the MLB-sponsored Arizona Fall League Baseball – comprised of promising minor-league players — opens its season on Tuesday,…
The mirror image is the most compelling rival. A guy struggling with his demons is way more entertaining when the demons are physical rather than figurative. The Phoenix Suns kick off the NBA preseason by playing their own evil twin when they take on Serbian powerhouse Partizan Belgrade in an…
Some people worry about the hopes of the Arizona Cardinals’ offense riding on an aging quarterback fresh off hip surgery, but we’re happy with Kurt Warner playing quarterback for the Redbirds. It might be a bit risky, but there’s a certain charm to starting the Chet Steadman of NFL signal…
As much as we love this city, we can’t help but wonder what it would be like if we could enjoy the amenities that come with living by the ocean. Your chance to get a taste of coastal life takes place during the AVP World Challenge: USA vs. Brazil. While…
The Phoenix Coyotes are the Gilbert Gottfried of Arizona sports: You know who they are, but you forget they exist until they show up in something you’re watching. The team could be decent this year, but its Gottfried-like status has done it no favors. The team recently (and infamously) filed…
Hallelujah! No longer will you be forced to drink your beer indoors and eat healthy food like some sort of foreigner, because starting this weekend, tailgating season returns to the Valley. It’s time once again to shove red meat and brewski down your gullet in a show of prowess that…
We get a lot of funny looks when we tell people about our tendency to sit on the toilet backwards. What we’ve noticed, however, is that those funny looks tend to evaporate when people bother to actually try doing their business “Slater-style,” à la Saved by the Bell. We get…
Maybe we keep bad company, but most people we know judge weddings on only two criteria: the quality of food and the quantity of alcohol. If you’re looking to get a head start on your night of gluttony and binge-drinking, uh, wedding planning, make your way to US Airways Center…
A great sports rivalry has an appeal that transcends a traditional fan base. While many people hate baseball, the rivalry between the Red Sox and Yankees always draws the nation’s attention. Similarly, you’ll go home on Thanksgiving to watch your parents fight, even though you normally hate your family. Another…
For a very, very long time, being an Arizona Cardinals fan was like befriending the weird kid in middle school. Deep down, you wondered whether you liked the person or if you just felt sorry for him. Either way, you rarely told anyone about it. When you did, you were…
Arizona sports fans, like all desert species, know how to make due. Said another way, we’re adapted to savor every major athletic event, because there’s no telling when the next one will come. That’s why we know you’ll be in Glendale when University of Phoenix Stadium hosts preliminary rounds for…
There are plenty of examples proving that you can have too much of a good thing – like every episode of The Simpsons after the 11th season – so we don’t think there’s anything controversial about saying that the baseball season runs a little long. It’s not that we don’t…
In a world where 2 Girls 1 Cup is planted firmly in the zeitgeist, shock humor is losing its effect, and originality is at a premium. John Melendez, known for years as “Stuttering John” on The Howard Stern Show, is the kind of comedian you would expect to rely on…
Remember in fourth grade when your Little League squad was really good and your dad went to every game? Remember in fifth grade when your team sucked and Dad suddenly had to work late every night? He wasn’t a bad father; he just understood that rooting for a loser sucks…
This’ll be good news to some, sad tidings to others: The D-Backs, sans postseason hopes that were dashed back in May, host their final home game of the season. Your last chance to see breakout star Mark Reynolds swat one out comes, fittingly, against the Diamondbacks’ National League West partners…
