Maybe this category should be why we should spot Ted Simons for a therapist or a year's supply at a dispensary. Here he is on live TV, flanked by Kari Lake, Karrin Taylor Robson, and two other people who don't matter much, all of them talking over each other — and Simons, the host — for 57 excruciating minutes. It took the frontrunners six minutes before they began cutting each other off and calling their opponents liars, elitists, or cowards. "We have to have some semblance of order. Please," Simons said after 16 minutes. One of the most patient and gracious personalities on TV (he's the host of Arizona Horizon on PBS), even Simons was getting frustrated. He wasn't even supposed to be there. He was tapped 24 hours beforehand, with almost no prep time, because Lake objected to an Arizona Republic reporter moderating. Several times, Simons tried to end the broadcast and the candidates wouldn't let him. Even Lake at one point said the event felt like a Saturday Night Live skit. Maybe Meghan McCain summed it best when she tweeted later: "can't believe this is a real debate, in real life. Arizona really brought out the winners to run for governor." The real winner is Ted Simons, who should get the Presidential Medal of Freedom and combat pay, but at least we can give him another Phoenix New Times plaque.