We're doing it again, but this time for the "red brand." Before breaking down our ranked list of the Raw theme songs, some notes about our methodology.
We included the 205 Live cruiserweight division in our rankings since they're a part of the Raw show. Some tag teams are represented by one entry, while other tag team wrestlers are ranked separately if each member does a lot of singles matches. Wrestlers that are currently working as valets, like The Miztourage and Dana Brooke, were not given individual entries. Active managers like Kurt Angle and Stephanie McMahon are represented in the rankings.
We tried to make the list as comprehensive as possible, but considering the size of the roster and how often folks drop in and out of active status, we may have missed some people. The only intentional omission to our list is Kalisto (who was already ranked on our SmackDown list).
And now for the final caveat: There's no science to this. It's 100 percent subjective.
51. The Big Show
Every time the Big Show's theme plays a million dead bluesmen roll in their graves.
50. Tony Nese
It's bad enough that the only gimmick WWE Creative could come up with for Tony Nese was, "Uh, he's got abs, I guess." Giving him a theme song that sounds like a high school metal band trying to cover Baltimora's "Tarzan Boy" is just kicking him while he's down.
49. Mustafa Ali
Not only is the Cruiserweight division unpopular with the fans, it seems that the Muses themselves aren't keen on them. What else could explain how absolutely terrible most of the CW themes are? Mustafa Ali is actually pretty fun to watch work a match: He flips and jumps around with the grace of a ninja. But good lord, this song. It's like the Muses just farted in the songwriter's ear and said, "Yeah, that's all we got."
48. Nia Jax
Her song is right: Nia Jax isn't like most girls. Most girls don't have a song as terminally lame as this one forever associated with their name. Nia should use her considerable power and strength to put whoever wrote this abomination face-first through a table.
47. The Revival
Dash Wilder and Scott Dawson's Southern-fried theme song is the kind of tune that's so over the top even Kid Rock would think twice about recording it. "Don't need your slick / Don't need your city." Ugh.
46. Noam Dar
This cruiserweight's theme sounds like the guys from South Park tried to record a Boston parody, said screw it halfway through, and did Jefferson Starship instead.
45. Curt Hawkins
On a musical level, this theme is actually kinda interesting. It's got a bit of Franz Ferdinand swing here, some epic Mega Man riffage there. It's busy and all over the place, but not boring. However, it's ranked so low because it's Curt friggin' Hawkins' theme. The only theme a wrestler as terminally lame as Hawkins deserves is an audio recording of him crying himself to sleep at night.
44. Big Cass
The entrance music for Big Cass fits him like a glove. It's big, loud, sweaty, and totally unremarkable in every way. At best it might make good hold music for the answering machine at Roadrunner Records.
43. Mandy Rose
Oh man. The only thing worse than when WWE goes hard rock for themes is when they try to do "sexy lady" themes. Their flirty club bangers are the aural equivalent of a corkscrew burrowing into your cochlear.
42. Lince Dorado
If given the choice between listening to this theme song again or watching someone play any song on any Guitar Hero game, Guitar Hero wins out every time. Luchador? More like LuchaDON'T.
41. Alicia Fox
Do you ever wonder what a new C+C Music Factory song would sound like in 2018? Pretty sure it would sound a lot like Alicia Fox's theme. 40. Heath Slater & Rhyno
Heath Slater's tag is "I Got Kids." The tag for whoever wrote this song should be "I Got Buckcherry CDs in My Car Stereo." 39. Braun Strowman
Sigh. A wrestler as transcendentally awesome as Braun "The Monster Among Men" deserves a better theme than this generic slice of doom-y guitar noodling. The man can flip over ambulances for Christ's sake! Just give him some King Kong music and let him wreck all the havoc his truck-sized heart desires. 38. The Brian Kendrick
If you like the dude who raps in 311, I guess you'll think this track is okay. As themes go, it could be worse. It does feel like a missed opportunity, though: The Brian Kendrick is the closest thing to a Father John Misty doppelganger that the WWE has. They should have roped in FJM to write a sardonic theme for his wrestler brother from another mother.
This sounds like a song written by a band that would play at 2 p.m. on The Warped Tour. No, we take that back. That isn't being fair to the bands that play at 2 p.m. on The Warped Tour. 36. The Hardy Boyz
Now that Matt's become "Woke Matt," he and Jeff are doing singles matches again. My opinion of them as single wrestlers and as a tag team mirrors my feelings for their entrance: *shrug*. Woke Matt would be way more interesting if he started a Tumblr and posted long rants about cultural appropriation.
35. Ariya Daivari
The fact that Ariya Daivari's theme sounds like the Trans-Siberian Orchestra trying to record a song for the Aladdin remake is bad enough. The fact that the song is called "Magic Carpet Ride" is just the icing on a culturally insensitive cake.
WWE should scrap this tuneless riffage and find some music that better reflects Neville's look as the King Of The Bodybuilding Dark Elves. Get some lute players and a few aggro harpists in the booth and let 'em rip.
33. Brock Lesnar
Brock's theme is a throwback to the halcyon days of nu-metal, where even bands that didn't have a rapper still felt compelled to add a DJ to their lineup. In between big ol' slabs of hard rock guitar, there's some faint scratching going on. Perhaps The Beast Incarnate, the Mayor of Suplex City himself, enjoys unwinding to some Incubus after turning 30 different shades of red in the ring. 32. Akira Tozawa
Tozawa's entrance music is a strange beast. It's propelled by a guitar riff and bursts of horns that come straight outta Kill Bill. It should feel super energetic, but instead comes across as vaguely lethargic. It's like an inspirational sports anthem for taking a power nap in between training montages. 31. Dean Ambrose
Dean Ambrose is a fun personality. Whether it's sneaking into the arena dressed as a Mountie or sacking somebody while wearing a bear suit, the Lunatic Fringe is always up to pull some charmingly goofy antics. If only his theme song were as fun to listen to. It's yet another in a long line of half-baked hard rock riff-fests that aim for heavy metal but sound so lightweight a pigeon could carry it off between its talons. 30. The Miz & The Miztourage
Don't get us wrong: The Miz is the best. Few people do as fine a job at playing a conceited, vain, egotistical megalomaniac with the fashion sense of a Full Metal Alchemist solider as Mix does, but this song is not (as the man would say) aaaaaaaawesome. Not even close. He and Miztourage cronies Bo "The Superior Wyatt Brother" Dallas and Curtis "I'm Just Grateful To Be Here" Axel deserve better walk-on music than this rejected P.O.D. B-side.
29. Cedric Alexander
Sure, this song basically sounds like it was scraped from the bottom of Will.i.am's recycle bin, but anytime the WWE gives somebody a theme song that isn't LOUD DISTORTED GUITAR + WHITE GUY SHOUTING, we start to feel generous.
28. Jack Gallagher
Now this is fun! It's English pomposity turned up to 11. The only thing that Gallagher's missing with this intro is a Buckingham Palace guard valet. Or him pedaling to the stage on top of a giant velocipede. 27. Apollo Crews
Titus Worldwide's first signee has got a pretty nifty walk-on song. It comes off as a hip-hop Rocky track, with triumphant horns, insistent beats, and the occasional "hey" percolating in the background. 26. Hideo Itami
Itami's a recent addition to the cruiserweights. Unlike many of his peers in that division, his entrance music is pretty neat: a blend of traditional Japanese instrumentation and hard rock riffs. It isn't a very memorable tune, but the interweaving of different musical styles makes it more interesting than your average wrestling theme.
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