WWE's SmackDown Live is coming to Glendale on Tuesday, September 26. Audience members will get to enjoy all the thrills and chills of watching their favorite SmackDown stars puttin' the hurt on each other while shouting along to their favorite theme songs.
That's part of the fun of the live wrestling experience: to cheer and jeer along with the entrance music. Some wrestlers have songs worthy of radio play. Others have tunes that make you want to drill a hole in your head so you'll forget them.
We've taken the liberty of going through all 37 SmackDown Live theme songs and ranking them from worst to best. A few notes on the methodology: Wrestlers in tag teams were ranked by their team music, not by their individual themes; themes included are for currently active wrestlers on the 2017 roster; managers and "valets" with themes are included in the rankings; and every ranking judgment is 100 percent purely subjective.
If you disagree with these rankings, feel free to feud with us about it. After all, that's what wrestlers would do.
37. Dolph Ziggler
No theme song makes us cringe harder than "Here To Show the World." It's a perfect storm of bland riffs, obnoxious vocals, and facepalm-worthy lyrics that push Ziggler's tired Rodney Dangerfield "I can't gets no respect!" gimmick to new heights of self-pity. Show the world something else, anything else, please.
If Natalya really is The Queen of Hearts, she should shout "off with his head" at whoever composed this mess.
35. Shelton Benjamin & Chad Gable
This theme song is exactly as exciting and fresh as you'd expect it to be for a tag team founded on the principle of "Let's put these two loose ends together and see what happens." American Alpha? More like American Yawn-a, amirite?
34. The Ascension
Hey, we just wanted to apologize for American Yawn-a. You deserve better than that. As jokes go, it's not our best. Speaking of jokes: Here's the metaaaaaaaal theme for The Ascension. "Well, these guys look like Mudvayne rejects, so let's give 'em a tune that sounds like one, too" must have been the thinking behind this song.
33. Randy Orton
Just to be clear: While Dolph Ziggler may be Worst In Show in the music department, we'd rather watch him than Randy Orton any day of the week. Orton is about as compelling to watch as a pile of meat defrosting on a kitchen counter. And this song sounds like a Disturbed B-side but without all the monkey noises that make their songs tolerable in the first place. Hey, Randy: We hear voices, too. They're telling us to turn this song off.
Tamina's theme sounds like the tribe from King Kong chanting to their jungle god to come forth and seize their sacrifice. But instead of Kong, they're chanting Tamina's name over and over again. Imagine how disappointed they're going to be when, instead of a badass giant gorilla, an underwhelming wrestler emerges to answer their call.
31. Chris Jericho
Chris Jericho is an international treasure. Future generations should be made to celebrate his glory on Jericho Day. An icon and an entertainer like no other. That being said: Man, this music is butt. Not only is it another in a long line of "rawkin'" entrance songs that fail to make an impression, it just doesn't seem right for Jericho. Look at his fashion sense, WWE. The scarves, the glam rock dad-bod — dude should be entering the ring to some Steven Tyler-style scatting. Get this man some "Unskinny Bop," stat.
30. Hype Bros
Hands-down winner for the "Most Gleefully Idiotic Theme Song" award. The only way this song could be more self-aware and ludicrous is if they cut out all the instrumentals and just had nothing but a capella voices shouting
"BRO! BRO! BRO!" over and over again.
29. The Colons
This song is the perfect theme for The Colons. Like the wrestlers themselves, it's suffering from an identity crisis. Is it a Latin-flavored dance jam? Or is it an Aphex Twin-ish techno bleep-bloop instrumental? That kind of ambiguity is perfect for a group that can't decide if their gimmick is "Evil Timeshare Salesmen" or "Old-School Wrestlers Named After Punctuation Marks." We're still waiting for their fierce rival with The Ampersands to pop off.
28. The Singh Brothers
On a purely musical level, this theme is actually pretty great. It's a straight-up Bollywood jam. But we have to give it a low ranking cause it's the damn Singh Brothers. These poor bastards have got the toughest job in show business: henching for Jinder friggin' Mahal. At least they got this sweet jam to make up for the indignity of hypeman-ing for such a colossal, veiny bore.
27. Baron Corbin
File this under "Missed Opportunity." Baron Corbin already looks like a roadie for Nothing. Dude's whole balding, brooding hardcore aesthetic is begging for a bit of doomgaze or Converge-style hardcore riffing. Instead we get more generic metaaaaaal entrance music. At the very least, WWE, y'all could be smart-asses and give the guy a hair metal song.
26. Sin Cara
Being a luchador in the WWE is a tough gig. In a genre where being able to flex on the mic is as important as what you can do in the ring, they've got to let their theme music do all the talking. Case in point: Sin Cara's theme music has got more verve and personality than the man himself.
25. Luke Harper
And the award for "Criminally Underrated Wrestler" goes to Luke Harper, whose theme song sounds like a drunk hard rock bar band trying to play the tune from "Deliverance." How many tank tops do you think this man destroys with his psycho hillbilly sweat? Our guess is at least 400 a year.
24. Tye Dillinger
If any Smackdown theme could be turned into movie montage music, it's Tye Dillinger's theme. Drop a few lines of "YOU'RE THE BEST AROOOUND" in Mr. Ten's song and it could soundtrack all kinds of plucky underdog training scenes.
23. James Ellsworth
The award for "Most Badass Theme Music For a Total Spud" goes to Ellsworth's crunchy entrance music. The chinless wonder's theme is just as generic-sounding as all the other "heavy" entrances, but it's buoyed by the fact that it's associated with such a wormy little dork. Stay gold, turtleboy.
22. Kevin Owens
Out of all the hard rock entrances, Kevin "The Real World Eric Cartman" Owens has the most tolerable one. A fine bit of aggro riffage that matches his personality as the most aggrieved wrestler on the roster.
Three words: Cock rock Castlevania.
Somebody better tell Rusev's theme music that the Cold War is officially over, because the horns sound like they're ready to march on Washington. A nice piece of militant, East European pomp and menace that gives Handsome Rusev the gravitas he deserves. Now, if only he could get booked on some decent matches...
Lana's been terrible in the ring so far, but that theme music tho. Proving yet again that horns do wrestlers justice better than guitars, Lana gets a nice jazzy vamp for an entrance. Granted, it sounds like a 12-year old's idea of what sexy jazz music sounds like, but it's more interesting to listen than all that interminable riffage.
18. Shane McMahon
Okay, we know, he's a manager. He only wrestles once a year (and by "wrestles," we mean "jumps off something tall"), but the man has a theme. And it's actually a pretty good one.
"Here Comes The Money" is a fun bit of jangling hip-hop nonsense. The only downside to it playing is that it means Shane will do that dumb running backwards bit. Still, at the end of the day, he is the best McMahon in the business. We'd rather watch Shane O Mac for three hours than Stephanie McMahon for three seconds.
17. Nikki Bella
This song sounds like it was scraped off the bottom of Max Martin's recycle bin, but hey, it's still more fun to listen to than Randy Orton's theme. Or watching Randy Orton wrestle.
16. The New Day
Not gonna lie: We're a little over The New Day's schtick. But that theme can't be denied, nor can their entrance graphics. It's hard to hate a group that frolics with unicorns or names their trumpet.
15. The Usos
The second best tag-team theme song is a bracing blast of rap tough talk. Sounds like DMX could sneak in for a barking guest verse at any moment on the track. If you're gonna make aggro music for wrestlers, WWE, half-baked rap does a hell of a lot better job than half-assed metal music.
14. Erick Rowan
Poor Erick Rowan. Does anybody, aside from Slipknot's lawyers, pay any attention to this wretched soul? At least he's got this neat, foreboding goth-banjo track as a consolation prize for being the Zeppo Marx in The Wyatt Family.
Is there a more profoundly heelish move than having a theme song that reminds unsuspecting audiences that Iggy Azalea exists? You're a monster, Carmella. They haven't built a circle wide enough in Hell to contain your evil.
12. Daniel Bryan
This one's a no-brainer. Of course someone would use Wagner for their theme music. It already sounds like it's scoring a Royal Rumble. No composer is better suited to soundtrack these grandiose, over-the-top clashes between ubermenschen. Except for Philip Glass. We would pay cold, hard cash to hear a wrestler rock some Glass for their intro. Make it happen, WWE. Up your minimalist game.
Naomi's bass-dropping, twerk-friendly intro appeals to numerous demographics: ravers, EDM burnouts, fans of the movie Tron, Lisa Frank sticker collectors, strip club patrons, strippers, epileptics, and cats who get distracted by blinking lights.
10. Jinder Mahal
Jinder Mahal is second only to Randy Orton for being the most boring wrestler to watch on SmackDown. Everything about the dude is cringe-worthy: from his in-ring work to his "you hate me because I'm foreign and also I'm rich, apparently" gimmick.
But we can't deny that his song is a straight-up banger. Every time that tune kicks in, we can't help but shimmy a bit. It's such a catchy little number that it almost makes you hyped to see Jinder. Almost.
9. Aiden English
It might seem crazy to rank a theme song that debuted less than a month ago this high, but to hell with it: What's not to love about an opera wrestling theme? Combine the sublime absurdity of all that fat lady wailing with Aiden English's theater kid troll persona and you've got solid gold. Somebody give English a Tony so he can use it to clobber fools in the ring.
8. Becky Lynch
Becky Lynch's theme has got the kind of whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh chants that would make Danzig jealous. Irish punk bands would give up their green beer-stained teeth to write something as anthemic as this song. My only quibble: Considering her steampunk aesthetic, would it have killed the composers to include some zeppelin sound effects? Or at least sample some steam engines?
The Queen's theme is a regal mix of driving guitars, nerve-twitching electronic sounds, and a little bit of 2001 grandeur. You could almost imagine a gang of Encino Men dancing around her, hooting with fear and wonder. It's only fitting that the best woman wrestler in the SmackDown division would also have a theme that's better than her competitors'.
6. Bobby Roode
This is "We Are The Champions" for narcissists. All wrestler themes are about exalting the greatness of the performers, but no other theme is so explicit about championing the glories of its fighter as Roode's is. The tune is so triumphant that it makes it sound like he's already won the fight. Who needs a belt when you got an entire choir calling you glorious?
5. Shinsuke Nakamura
This was the hardest theme to rank. It's a beloved theme, instantly iconic from the moment it debuted. It sounds like Final Fantasy boss battle music, which is always a good thing. But it's also incredibly long. No matter how great an entrance it is, you can't help but look at your watch after a while.
Also, we got spoiled by Nakamura's call-up appearance on SmackDown, when he premiered with a violinist sawing out his number. A hypeman violinist is the most baller shit ever. Every time Nakamura comes out and there isn't that dapper fellow in the white coat playing the violin, we feel let down.
C'mon, WWE. Put that shirt money to good use. It can't be that expensive to put a violinist on your payroll, can it?
4. Sami Zayn
Wrestling is full of improbable, baffling gimmicks. Few are more WTF than "ska dweeb." God bless Sami Zayn for making it work. Who would have thought a high-energy ska track would make such great entrance music for a wrestler? It helps that Zayn's personality matches his music so well. Dude is overeager, enthusiastic, and occasionally embarrassing, kinda like every other ska fan in existence.
Surrounded by songs oozing braying masculinity, Breezango are a breath of fey air. The dreamboat tag-team's theme song sounds like what would happen if I Dream Of Jeannie had a baby with The Love Boat. In a genre where everything is taken so seriously, no matter how preposterous the situation, the absurd antics and promos from Breezango provide a welcome contrast. They're the Flavor Flav to everybody else's Chuck D.
2. John Cena
Love him or hate him, the greatness of John Cena's music can't be denied. There's a reason why his entrance is a full-fledged meme: those horns are ridiculously infectious. It wouldn't be hard to imagine legit rappers like Ghostface spitting bars over it.
Catchy, punchy, and energetic, it's a song that we're always glad to hear, even if the big lug that follows it can get on our nerves. Now, go on and do as the man says: Hit the trumpets.
1. AJ Styles
AJ Styles is a triple threat. He's brilliant wrestler (on the mic and in the ring), possessor of the world's greatest head of Mom Hair, and the guy with best song on the roster.
His entrance is perfect — just long enough to establish his presence, but not long enough to wear out his welcome a la Nakamura. And the music is kinda subtle (by wrestler standards): a growling, slow hip-hop song with enough swagger to be the ideal anthem for "The Face That Runs The Place."
WWE SmackDown Live is happening at 4:45 p.m. on Tuesday, September 26 at Gila River Arena in Glendale.
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