If there's ever a competition for worst robber ever, 55-year-old Tempe resident Harry Williams probably will be a medalist.
Police say Williams tried to rob two large Tempe businesses, and he was so bad at it that his entire haul consisted of one single lonely sausage.
According to court documents obtained by New Times, Williams first tried to rob an Ace Hardware within walking distance of his house, near Broadway Road and Rural Road.
Williams put his hand under his shirt, announced to the cashier that he had a gun, and demanded all the money in the register.
Williams' hand under his shirt looked so much like a gun that the employee "told Williams he did not have any money and was not going to give him any money even if he did," the court documents state.
With that, Williams demanded that the cashier open the register to prove he didn't have any money. The cashier said "no," and Williams left.
Determined, Williams ran across Broadway Road, and into the Safeway.
Again, Williams tried to convince a cashier that he was committing a robbery and, again, nobody was convinced.
Williams "was escorted out of the building," according to court documents.
Williams waited a few minutes before sneaking into the store, stuffing a sausage in his pants, and sneaking back out.
Police found Williams shortly thereafter and discovered that he actually did have a 4- or 5-inch knife in his pocket, which he never used.
Although Williams was initially booked on charges of attempted armed robbery for using a simulated weapon, the charges of "attempted armed robbery" are crossed off on booking sheets, and Williams was re-booked on charges of attempted robbery, as well as shoplifting.