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"I am conservative, but I am not a right-wing nutjob," claims KTAR 92.3 FM morning talk jock Darrell Ankarlo in a station promo tease. Oh, please allow this smart-ass starling to differ! Since that boneheaded blowhard took over the AM slot from nice-guy Pat McMahon (you know, the old fart who used to play priss-pot Gerald on Wallace and Ladmo back when woolly mammoths roamed the Earth), the on-air discourse from 8:30 to noon has taken a dive into Sean Hannity/troglodyte territory.

Whether Darrell is smooching Sheriff Joe Arpaio's fanny on the air or making fun of the Sprint RED MOTORAZR mobile phone campaign aimed at donating some proceeds to fighting AIDS in Africa, Ankarlow-brow's slant is just to the right of Ivan the Terrible, despite the snow job he and KTAR put on to convince listeners that he's a reasonable guy.

In reality, Ankarlow-brow's a nasty little piss-ant whose vicious venom-spewing is well known to Dallas, Texas, residents, who used to have to listen to his angry-white-man rants on KLIF AM 570. The favorite whipping posts of Señor Low-Brow? Surprise, surprise — undocumented Mexican immigrants. And last week, when a coalition of immigrant-rights groups in the PHX announced that they'd be taking to the streets May 1 to reprise the peaceful and immensely successful pro-immigrant rallies of last year, the full-of-himself radio reactionary acted as if some dood named Pedro'd peed in his Frosted Flakes:


9/11 Accountability Conference

"There's nothing that ticks me off more than when you know they're in your midst and then they get together and they say, 'Not only are we going to be here — not only are we going to suck the system dry — but we're going to march in the streets and tell you to go you-know-what to yourself.' Hacks me off more than you can imagine."

Of course, that's total bullshit. The planned march's meant to light a fire under the butts of lawmakers, federal and otherwise, to get them to come up with a guest-worker program and a legal path to citizenship for the undocumented.

Ankarlo comes off sounding a lot like former Republican Senator Jesse Helms in the '60s, when he was a TV commentator in The Bird's hometown of Raleigh, North Carolina, raving about civil rights leaders like the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr., who were then marching for racial equality.

Bigot boy's personal prejudice was palpable throughout the broadcast, like when he described driving through a Mexican neighborhood in town. He urged listeners to go see for themselves.

"You'll see bars in all the windows," fumed Darrell. "You'll see toilet seats out in the street. You'll see bedsprings out in the street. Just stuff all over the place. I've been to Mexico 40 times, and when I go to an impoverished city in Mexico, that's what I see."

Now, this skeptical sparrow knows Ankarlo's trailer-trash enough to have seen Trans Ams up on cinder blocks and rusted bikes out in the front yards of true-blue Ameri-cun citizens who just happen to be poor Caucasians. The Bird's point being that race and nationality have less to do with urban blight than poverty, something boobs like Darrell fail to grasp.

The drive-time doofus may try to come off like some great patriot on his program, but he revealed on the recent show his antagonism for the U.S. Constitution, specifically the First and 14th amendments.

"I'm all for the National Guard, fully armed, arresting their sorry butts," said Ankarlo of the future marchers, whether they be American citizens or no. According to him, everyone demonstrating on May Day should be rounded up police-state-style and taken to some ad hoc tent city until God can sort 'em out.

Freedom of speech and assembly? Due process? Equal protection under the law? Not for the brown ones, says Ankarlo. And what about them so-called "anchor babies" — that is, children born on U.S. soil to undocumented parents? The 14th Amendment guarantees that "All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside." But ol' Ankarlo'd rather operate outside the law:

"When you come here, you have that child here, then you argue to the government, 'Well, it's not fair to send us back. Our child is a U.S. citizen. You're breaking up our family, you mean American conservative freak talk show host Ankarlo! Don't you get it?' No, no, I'm sorry, you broke the law, you cheated the system in order to take advantage of the system, and I caught you red-handed. And now it's my fault? Bullcrap!"

In other words, crawl back to Mexico, you effin' diaper-wearer! And take that freakin' rattle with you.

Thing is, Darrell — like it or not — children born here of illegal alien parents are just as much citizens as your Herman Munster-lookin' keister. If you don't like it, start screaming for a Constitutional change.

Attorney Danny Ortega's listened to Ankarlo on the radio. For the well-known Phoenix activist, Darrell's shtick's all about ratings, though the overall effect is poisonous.

"What he fails to see is the overlap of that fear and that hate he's feeding is affecting everybody who's Hispanic or Latino," asserts Ortega. "He's now clearly with the profilers, believing that anybody who looks like me is an illegal until proven otherwise."

Ortega decried Ankarlo's "race-baiting, fear-mongering ratings propaganda." To him and a growing number of others around here, he's just another right-wing radio lame-o spewing spittle in the faces of his listeners. The Bird's saying everybody — even the crackers who support Sheriff Joke — knows Darrell Ankarlo's true color: white as a Klansman's sheet.

Prevaricators' Powwow

This tireless toucan's been through the looking glass and back with the so-called 9/11 Accountability Conference, held February 23-25 at Chandler's Crown Plaza San Marcos. Bird-watchers know that this pen-wielding pelican's been dogging the conspirators' confab like a bloodhound ever since it revealed that Conference Director Eric D. Williams had authored a Holocaust-denying tome titled The Puzzle of Auschwitz.

In "Denier's Conference" (February 1), The Bird wrote about Williams' anti-Semitic Holocaust-denying, at length. And in last week's "Kook Congress," this foul fowl voiced suspicion that Williams might still have a role in the cuckoo clambake, though he'd supposedly removed himself from involvement because of the controversy.

After Williams was outed, potential speakers (from mainstream figures such as the Arizona ACLU's Alessandra Soler Meetze and KFNX 1100 AM talk personality Charles Goyette to lunatic fringe players like radio moonbat Alex Jones and Loose Change director Dylan Avery) shied away from the wack-ass confab. Not that it wasn't already screwball enough, seeing that 9/11 "truthers" tend to believe that al-Qaeda's nonexistent and the Twin Towers were brought down by a controlled demolition planned by George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, the CIA, and/or Israeli Mossad, take your pick.

Conference organizer Kent "Cow Killer" Knudson, a convicted felon in the 'Zona for murdering a defenseless bovine, pretended to put serious space between Williams and 911Accountability.org. Still, until a few weeks ago, Williams had been director, Web master, vendor coordinator, and even owned the conference's Web site itself.

Knudson and other organizers asserted that Williams was no longer part of the fanatic fest, and Knudson declared that Williams was "gone" on Jeff Farias' KPHX 1480 AM show The Truth to Power Hour. Indeed, the Chandler symposium's Web site (at this writing) clearly states, "As a result of the controversy surrounding Eric D. Williams, he has stepped down from involvement in the 9/11 Accountability Conference."

Consider, then, this supercilious sapsucker's surprise when it arrived at a Friday press conference for the event and spotted the chrome-domed Shoah-shirker seated in the audience! This beaker figured they wouldn't let Williams within 40 miles of the crackpot congress, but as The Bird would later learn, Williams had been promised a vendor's booth at the conference in exchange for his earlier help in organizing the paranoid powwow.

In spite of the promises of Knudson, et al., that Williams was to have nothing to do with the convention, here he was being accepted as a movement member in good standing. "Accountability," this pelican's sweet patootie!

The Bird asked the organizers how the 9/11 coffee klatch could even hope be taken seriously with Williams present. This was a press conference, after all, right?

Santa Claus-bearded geezer Jim Marrs, who could pass for a cross between Wilford Brimley and Windfall Willie (the mascot of the AZ lottery), came to Williams' defense.

"Can I lay this to rest right now?" tweeted Marrs. "Eric Williams is right here. Did people get killed in World War II as a result of state policy?" he inquired of the Holocaust denier.

Williams replied in the affirmative. To the heavily mustachioed Marrs, that ended the matter.

But as the taloned one continued his queries, the crowd grew restless with demands that this bluebird be booted. That'd be The Bird they wanted tossed, not the adored Sir Eric, who wrote a vile volume asserting there were no mass executions via gas chambers at Auschwitz. How ironic, since The Bird was the only member of the working media present.

Eventually, the pep rally turned ugly for this feathered fiend, to the extent that a security guard forced The Bird to leave the hall. Therefore, for a few minutes, there was no press at the press conference. How, um, de-press-ing! Sanity prevailed in the form of Philadelphia lawyer Phil Berg, the moderator for the event. Berg came outside and instructed that this journalistic jaybird be let back in. He then told the crowd that members of the working media (that would be moi) must be given deference, since (ahem!) it was a press conference, after all. The Bird was allowed to interrogate the panelists unmolested after that.

This beak-bearer soon asked Professor Jim Fetzer, known to wags at screwloosechange.blogspot.com as "Uncle Fetzer," if he considered rabid anti-Semite Eric Hufschmid a credible source for the 9/11-denial movement, in light of his Jew-baiting Web site www.erichufschmid.net.

The hotheaded Jimbo defended Hufschmid like his academic rep depended on it.

"In my opinion, Eric Hufschmid's work — his book Painful Questions, for example — is an exemplar of excellence in research!" Fetzer declared. "He was a pioneer. He tackled this difficult subject. I realize that on various grounds, he's a controversial guy. That part I'm not addressing."

For those not familiar with the Hufmeister, here are a sampling of Hufschmid-isms: "The Jews are lying about the gas chambers and ovens," "The Jews helped Adolf Hitler and the Nazi party get control of Germany," "The Jews instigated both world wars," and "The Jews created anti-Semitism in Germany to drive Jews out of Europe and into Palestine, and to unify Jews, and to bring pity to Jews."

And this Jew-baiting asshole's "an exemplar of excellence"? Hey, don't bogart that crack pipe, Uncle Fetzer!

Later that night, one of the conference's keynote speakers, Meria Heller, quoted from a "great book" called The Puzzle of Fascism, by, you guessed it, Holocaust-denier Eric Williams. Heller had dedicated her address, in part, to rebuking the Holocaust denier controversy by comparing Hitler's Holocaust to the "holocausts" of global warming and the Iraq war. She also referred to the fluoridation of H2O as a method of mind control. Holy headcheese, this worm-wrangler hasn't heard that one since the John Birch Society was in vogue!

Returning to the conference that Sunday, The Bird noted the many DVDs on sale, including ones on UFOs and crop circles, talked to one chick about her multiple past lives, and visited Eric Williams' booth, where he was selling tee shirts, videos, and tomes — everything BUT The Puzzle of Auschwitz. Williams said he plans to re-release his Auschwitz manuscript due to popular demand, no doubt from neo-Nazis sympathetic to his plight.

Several sources, including conference organizer/volunteer Pete Creelman (who's Jewish, by the way), related that during a "9/11 Unity" panel discussion earlier that day, Williams was invited up onto the podium by the hobbit-like Janette MacKinlay, where he briefly addressed the crowd.

MacKinlay's action laid bare a schism, and several attendees, including Creelman, said they were not happy hugging it out with Williams.

"That wasn't good," Creelman admitted to The Bird. "I don't think [Williams] should've been invited up on the platform in view of all that's happened."

Let's face it, the 9/11 conference and Kent Knudson had very little credibility going into the event, but whatever minuscule amount they had evaporated as Williams' presence was first tolerated, then welcomed. Why should anyone believe the conference on larger matters — like its wacky claims that a cruise missile hit the Pentagon instead of Flight 77, or the fantasy that some of the 19 hijackers are still alive and well — when its organizers were clearly in bed with a Holocaust denier, not to mention others with anti-Semitic views?

Kent, your only option was to throw the bastard out, and you didn't really do it. We already considered you a half-wit, but now we know you're not the conference's "chief cook," as you liked to call yourself, but rather its chief liar.

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