Janet Napolitano Leaps to Sarah Palin's Defense, and I Think I'm Going to Puke.

Does the Guv secretly heart Sarah Palin, or does she just have hoof-in-mouth disease?

What the hell is wrong with Janet Napolitano? The woman has a cushy job where she doesn't have to lift a pinky, and for nearly six years, she's mostly maintained a stunning record of boredom and do-nothingism. Now she's sitting around with her chunky pumps crossed on her executive desk, waiting for Barack Obama to win the election so she can score yet another cushy job where she can loll about for at least four years, but this time in D.C. And all she can think to do is jump to the defense of Republiloons?

First she tut-tutted the attacks against our pseudo Grand Wizard of the East Valley, minus the sheets. Of course, I mean Russell Pearce. Never mind that those sidewinder missles fired off by Republican bloodhound Nathan Sproul in the form of mailers detailed nasty stuff like a domestic violence allegation filed in a 1980 divorce petition, as well as Pearce's association with Mesa neo-Nazi J.T. Ready.

Now Nappy comes to the defense of Sarah "Peyton Place" Palin, the Wing-Nut from Wasilla? What, because they both have ovaries?

In a little ditty by the Guv's official lap dog Howie Fischer, a man who's made his career hanging on her every word, Nappy contended that media criticism of Palin was rooted in sexism.

To defend the new darling diva of the far, far right, the Napster rolled out an old line from Ann Richards, the late Democratic governor of Texas.

"If you're a woman, this is what happens: If you're not married, you couldn't get a man," the Guv spat. "If you're married, you're ignoring your man. If you're divorced, you couldn't keep your man. And if you're widowed, you killed your man. So that when a woman runs, there does tend to be a different emphasis with the coverage."

(Interesting, the bit about marriage. Because if Nappy ever gets hitched, it will most likely be in Massachusetts, capisce?)

That banging you hear is Richards' skeleton beating on the door of her coffin, trying to get out so it can lay a foot bone to Janet's hindquarters.

Are the Obama people listening? If they are, they can add this to the many reasons Nappy should be passed over for a future Cabinet post. Not only did she not carry the state for Obama in the presidential primary, despite her endorsement of Obama over Hillary. Not only is she a soulless bureaucrat who almost always hides under her desk whenever there's some leading to be done. She also has a bad habit of defending uber-conservative wackjobs.

I will say this, Nappy and Palin have something in common that's far more significant than their gender. It's their hypocrisy. During Palin's shrill, annoying speech last night, she kept harping on her small-town roots as the mayor of some backwater in Alaska, which is itself the backwater of the entire United States.

Can someone fire up the John Mellencamp, please?

But with Governor Palin, we're talking less Mayberry and more Peyton Place. Her small-town-style governance of the state of Alaska has meant the sort of underhandedness, backstabbing and tawdry scandal-making that's rife in lackluster burgs throughout America. Just check out these articles in the Anchorage Press by former New Times scribe Brendan Joel Kelley and others. Pay special attention to the "Wootengate" saga, where Palin, her hubby and her administration have been accused of abuse of power in attempting to get an erstwhile in-law fired from his job with the state troopers there. Her administration is currently under investigation by an attorney appointed by the state Legislature.

Hypocrisy in action: Sarah "Peyton Place" Palin...

And Palin had the gall to tout her ethics record last night? Puh-lease.

As for parading her pregnant teenage daughter before the convention, more power to her. Everyone knows unprotected teenage sex is OK, as long as you're a Republican. I think it's funnier than D.L. Hughley the way poor Bristol Palin's twisting these holier-than-thou Taliban Republicans into knots. Right-wing radio stripped the skin off John Edwards over his mistress and possible love child. But when one of their own has a teen with a bun in the oven, they fall all over themselves to explain how that's just fine and dandy. Heck, it's almost as American as warm apple pie.

Don't get me wrong. I could care less about Palin's underage daughter or Edwards' reputed love child or Bill's B.J. in the Oval Office or even JFK's orgies in the White House swimming pool, if you wanna step into the Wayback Machine. Point is, if Obama had a teenage daughter who was preggers, the Republicans would roast him and her on a spit, and laugh their asses off while doing it. But the Dems were so afraid of GOPers flailing Edwards' hide that they didn't let him speak in Denver at their convention.

Which only goes to prove that Republicans don't have exclusive rights on the hypocrisy brand. They just do it better than Dems. Save maybe for Manet. "If you're not married, you couldn't get a man"? Are you freakin' kidding me?

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories


All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >