By Sarah Fenske
I'm not much for press releases, but I have to admit that the title on one today caught my eye: "Father appeals to PVSD to retain son in middle school." Turns out some Scottsdale dad wants New Times readers to know about his efforts to convince school officials that they should flunk his own son.
And who are we to say no?
To quote the dad's press release:
"'My son is a very bright student, but he has had a hard time in school this year. Not only has he failed three of his core coursed [sic], but he has been absent from school 30 percent more days than is allowed a student to pass. High School is more demanding these days, and as a parent, I want him to be prepared.'"
(New Times is not naming the father to protect his kid's privacy. Hey, we were in middle school once.)
A little later in the release, the father explains that he was a poor test-taker, who was presumably allow to fall upward rather than forced to work harder. The poor dad, in his own words, "barely squeaked by and always struggled without any breaks. I wish only to help my only flesh and blood before it is too late."
The press release helpfully notes that poppa hasn't seen the son in question for nearly a year because of a custody dispute. I'm sure begging school officials to flunk the kid is exactly what's needed to heal the family relationship.