Audio By Carbonatix
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Congratulations to the New Times reader who goes by the handle Painful Rectal Itch, you are the proud winner of this week’s New Times You Write the Caption contest (and you gave us an excuse to use the term “painful rectal itch” in a headline).
On
Friday, we asked readers to provide what they think would be an
appropriate caption for the above photo of Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s geriatric goon squad.
We picked the five best reader
captions and put it to a vote.
See all the entries here.
Painful Rectal Itch stole the show with the following:
“All right maggots, crank up your Beltones and repeat after me: ‘This is my clipboard. Thare are many like it, but this one is mine.
My clipboard is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I
must master my life. Without me, my clipboard is useless. Without my
clipboard, I am useless. I must write on my clipboard. I will. Before
God I swear this creed: My clipboard and myself are the defenders of my
country. We are masters of our enemy, those who mow our lawns and cook
our food. We are the saviors of my life. So be it, until there are no
more Mexicans, but peace. Amen.'”
Thanks to everyone who played, and congrats again to Painful Rectal Itch — to
retrieve your grand prize of a firm handshake and a glass of lukewarm
Phoenix municipal tap water, come to the New Times Building at 1201 East
Jefferson Street in Phoenix. Go to the front desk and ask for James
King any time after 1 p.m.
