In an earlier column, you mentioned that conservatives can’t have an argument against illegal immigration without it degenerating into a diatribe against culture. Here’s an argument that has nothing to do with culture: In California, we now have a severe water shortage. I work for a municipal water agency. We…
For as long as I can remember, Mexicans were known for doing three things: Drinking lots of cerveza, having lots of niños, and saying “¡Ay, caramba!” While I can vouch for the first two, I’ve never, ever personally heard a Mexican utter those famous two words. Is this an urban…
Why are Mexicans so proud of the brutality of their police force? They seem to glamorize it in all their music and telenovelas. Batons Are Bats, Or Super Oracles I’ll let you know when Dirty Harry, Detective Sipowicz, Chief Wiggum, and the producers of COPS get back to me, m’kay?…
In honor of April Fools’ Day, I’m turning over the column this week to those who think America can stop the Reconquista. Following are the winners of my challenge to Know-Nothings a couple of semanas back asking people to explain in 100 words or less how they can hate the…
Why is it that when I go to the Mexican supermarkets to buy productos femeninas, fully 98 percent of the aisle provided for such things is composed of maxi pads and the limited selection of tampons are in dusty boxes with a sell-by date of 1986? I assume it has…
Not sure if this has been asked before, but how do you feel about Arizona’s Sheriff Joe Arpaio? I think the guy’s a fucking racist who’s just out to get Mexicans to fulfill his racist agenda. Fuck Nickel-Bag Joe I love Sheriff Joe! Yeah, he might be waging a scorched-earth…
Dear Readers: Before we move on to your spicy preguntas, a bit of housecleaning. Primeramente, gracias to all the Know-Nothings who responded to my 100-word-essay challenge asking them to justify loving legal Mexicans but not the illegal ones; I will publish the best entries in the Mexican’s April Fool’s edición…
I believe that the words people use to describe other people, intentionally or unintentionally, reflect their political values. But I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, so I write to you. You described César Chávez as hating “illegals” in a previous column, and as being ethnocentric early…
What is the deal with Mexican denial when it comes to dealing with child sexual abuse? I know counselors who tell me that it’s a big problem trying to get Mexican families to admit and confront this. In my own experience, I have seen my Mexican relatives be more concerned…
I have a question from one Mexican to another: Why do gabachos think we know everything about plants? During conversations with the estadounidenses, I will get asked about plants, pruning, how to keep roses alive, etc. I understand many of my compatriotas working over here are gardeners (and the best…
I can’t tell you how disappointed I’ve been these past few days, as a U.S. citizen and ciudadano mexicano, how I’ve been seeing more and more stories about los narcos and how the Mexican government keeps getting screwed over in newspapers. I think that you should dedicate a whole article…
I am a naturalized (legal) hispano in the U.S. and I just realized what the “illegal” craze is about. What immigrant-bashing citizens are trying to protect here are people like . . . me. Consider what this concerned woman said to John McCain during a public meeting in New Hampshire…
Mi hermano y yo tenemos un dispute. We all know that Mexicans love their bistec sliced muy thin, but why? My brother is adamant that the diet of free-range vacas mexicanas results in tough meat, necessitating a thin slice for easy mastication. I think the reason is purely an economic…
What is it with César Chávez? Recently in Dallas, we’ve gone through three attempts to name streets after Mr. Chávez. In one instance, the plan was to remove the name of two brothers who were city founders from a street named after them and rename the street César Chávez Avenue…
I’m a Spanish teacher, and I’ve been hearing my students say a phrase that I am unsure what it means (if it truly means anything, which they swear it does). They say it’s a Mexican saying: Tiki tu madre. I don’t know what “tiki” means. So, I was wondering if…
Dear Mexican: How do Mexicans get such ridiculous nicknames from seemingly normal names? For instance, José becomes Chepe, Eduardo is Lalo, Gabriel becomes Gabi, and Guillermo devolves into Memo. It’s Marcela, Not Chela Dear Mexican: I want to know why Mexicans have such incongruous nicknames. In English, people have nicknames…
I was driving home on old King Road in San Jose, where a bunch of Mexicans live, and I noticed that almost every house has its Christmas lights still hanging from the rafters and reindeer and Santa Claus decorations weathered by the hot sun on the roofs. It’s the middle…
A couple of columnas ago, I published a short list of my favorite books regarding Mexicans and Mexican-Americans and urged ustedes to submit better choices so that gabachos can have a Christmas shopping list for their favorite Mexicans, or to understand nosotros better. Muchos responded, and below is a list…
>Many times, as I cross the border into the U.S., I see bald cholos buying images (posters, blankets, baby bibs) of Al Pacino in Scarface. Where does such an obsession for this ugly Cuban come from? Is Tony Montana replacing la Virgencita de Guadalupe in cholos’ living rooms across America?…
Why is it that those of us who oppose illegal immigration are called racist by many Mexicans? Personally, I think Hispanic people are beautiful and a diverse people who contribute tremendously to our culture (and spicy hot as well!). At the same time, I oppose illegals who wander across the…
I hear all the time that 12 million illegal immigrants live in the United States. Is that true? Who counted them? How did they do it? Is there a turnstile at the border tallying up illegals and stamping their hands with neon glowing cartoon characters so they can go back…
I recently received the biography of Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Woods. While reading about his friendship with Jimi Hendrix, Ronnie described him as part-black, Cherokee, and Mexican. I’ve always read about Jimi’s grandmother being Cherokee, but this was the first I read about him being Mexican. I Googled Hendrix’s name…
