Best Sex Scandal 2011 | The Brock Family Circus | People & Places | Phoenix
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Best Sex Scandal

The Brock Family Circus

What do you get when you cross politics, religion, and sex? One of the most bizarre sex scandals in the history of both sex and scandals, that's what. The sex scandal that has plagued the devout Mormon family of Maricopa County Supervisor Fulton Brock is a yarn that needs no embellishment. Over several months, it was revealed that Brock's now-estranged wife, Susan, had a sexual relationship with a teen boy starting when he was 14. Turns out, her adult daughter, Rachel, was having sex with the same boy. Court documents indicate that both Supervisor Brock and leaders in the Mormon Church knew of the relationship but never called police — and that's the recipe for a fantastic sex scandal.

Best Death Row Pig-Out

Donald Beaty

The best part about getting executed by the state of Arizona, as several convicted murderers have found out (the hard way) this year, is the food. But some use their last meal to pig out more than others. Take kid-killing rapist Donald Beaty, for example. Beaty was put to death for the 1984 rape and murder of 13-year-old Christy Ann Fornoff. The night before his state-ordered death in May, Beaty ordered the following: a beef chimichanga with salsa and sour cream, a double cheeseburger with onions, tomato, pickles, lettuce, mustard, and mayo, and French fries. He washed it down with a Diet Coke and 14 ounces (nearly a pound) of Rocky Road ice cream.

Best Naked Meth-Head Story

Theodore "Come and Suck It" Ruiz

For whatever reason, meth fiends have a tendency to want to strip naked while in the throes of a binge. Similarly, they also tend to masturbate in public — and nobody did it better than Theodore Ruiz. While naked and masturbating outside a Phoenix hotel, Ruiz was approached by police. "You come back here to suck it," Ruiz told cops while continuing to beat off. Police asked Ruiz to put his hands behind his head, but his hands were busy — masturbating — and he refused. He again invited cops to "come and suck it." He continued to masturbate even after he was hit with pepper spray. Even as cops grabbed one of his arms to try and place him in handcuffs, Ruiz used his remaining free hand to continue pullin' his pud. Now that's dedication.

Best Way to Sneak Weed into Tent City

Over the fence

If you're forced to call Joe Arpaio's infamous gulag, Tent City, home and you like smoking weed, you might be inclined to try and sneak it in the old-fashioned way: your ass. This is a mistake. For starters, who wants to smoke ass weed? Secondly, who wants to stick weed up their ass? The solution: Have someone toss it over the fence — according to Sheriff Joe himself, that's how most of the contraband gets into the jail in the first place. Of course, if caught hurling bags of weed into the jail, the person recruited for such a task could find themselves behind bars with you.

Best Medical Marijuana Signs

Man Cave Signs

Man Cave offers all kinds of signs for garages, pubs, etc., but the store's line of marijuana signs is their most colorful. The store's tin signs for medical marijuana include all sorts of pop culture imagery, from a Bob Dobbs-ish guy asking, "It's 4:19. Got a minute?" to a sign designed like a postage stamp and depicting a raven-haired Statue of Liberty suggestively sucking on her finger, above the words "Ganja Girl." Man Cave has plenty of tin marijuana signs depicting half-naked women, like their "Humboldt Honey" round sign (with an image of a busty blonde dressed as a bee/fairy) and its "Make Love Not War" stamp sign, depicting a topless blonde in a state of ecstasy, with a marijuana leaf necklace around her neck. Old anti-marijuana propaganda posters are available as well, such as the "Marihuana: Assassin of Youth" front-page newspaper image, and a Marihuana: The Plant from Hell movie poster. And in case you're not sure when it's going to be 4:20, Man Cave also offers a Humboldt Funk Clock with a redhead in short shorts holding a pot leaf. With so many sexy designs to choose from, why bother with those old Reefer Madness posters?

Best Place to Find or Become a Medical Marijuana Caregiver

AzGrowPro

If you're a valid, card-holding medical-marijuana patient unable to procure your own medication, AzGrowPro has got you covered. This company connects patients with caregivers and has several certified caregivers ready to assist patients in the procurement and delivery of medical marijuana. AzGrowPro says its caregivers have access to "award-winning strains from Europe and California's finest," and it even offers assistance in paying potential patients' application fees. People who are looking to become caregivers can also work with AzGrowPro to find patients. The company will help potential caregivers complete their applications and find clients to refer for caregivers who already have their medical-marijuana cards. They even offer education on growing methods and creating edible marijuana products.

Best Way to Keep the Streets Safe

Driving MBA

Just the phrase "teenage driver" is enough to send shivers up and down our spine. For some kids, getting behind the wheel is akin to another act that also may be fast, exciting, and potentially dangerous. Either way, someone might get screwed. Thank goodness (on one front, anyway) for Driving MBA. We have observed this mom-and-pop local operation in action and are impressed with its attention to detail, the intense one-on-one interactions between teacher and teen, and the distinct feeling that no one's getting out of there with a driving certificate unless they truly earn it. That's a good thing, not only for the kids, but also for the rest of us, right?

Best Real-Life Crime Memoir

The Two-Edged Sword by Donald W. Tucker

Donald W. Tucker knows the streets — working as a federal narcotics agent on the streets of Chicago and, later, as a member of the Secret Service. He works as a private dick in Scottsdale now, but with The Two-Edged Sword, he's added an "author" notch to his belt of accomplishments. The book explores his experiences as a black man and as an agent, discussing the difficulties he faced and recounting harrowing stories, including being called to escort the first black student at Ole Miss in Oxford, Mississippi, but being denied the chance to take part in the cultural milestone due to his race. Tucker's writing is clean and straightforward, allowing his stories to tell themselves. Some of the stories, like ones involving the Black Panthers, undercover operations, and complications at Indian casinos, seem as if they could come have straight from an Elmore Leonard novel — except they actually happened.

Best Strip Mall

Southwest corner of University Drive and Ash Avenue, Tempe

We'll admit, the gray complex with its drab green trim isn't much to look at, but you know what they say: You can't judge a book by its cover. Even with the death of the beloved Eastside Records, the University and Ash strip mall is home to just about everything we need. Cartel Coffee Lab's iced toddy? Check. Otto's pizza slices? Check. Headquarters Head Shop for all your bong supplies? Check. Buffalo Exchange for a sweet new outfit? Check. Wet Paint, Ash Ave Comics, HTC Piercing, and Cowtown Skateboards? Check and check. And with the Tempe farmers market and Casey Moore's right next door, we don't think we'll ever need to leave this corner.

Best Cop Shop

Phoenix Police Museum

This young museum (founded in 1993) is run entirely by volunteer staff, many of whom are family members of police officers, past and present. They love having visitors to the museum and will gladly take you on a tour of the museum exhibits and enthusiastically share all they know about the history of law enforcement in Phoenix. And there's plenty to see here, from Phoenix's first "jail" (a big rock with shackles) and an arrest ledger from the 1800s to a 1919 Ford Model T police car and a 9/11 exhibit featuring a piece of steel from the Twin Towers. Visitors can also learn all about late Valley resident Ernesto Miranda, after whom Miranda rights are named, and pay tribute to fallen officers killed in the line of duty (the first was officer Haze Burch, shot and killed by fugitives in 1925). Best of all, the museum is free (but donations are needed and appreciated).

Best Of Phoenix®

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