Kids' Stuff

At first glance, there's something vaguely creepy about seeing hundreds of people eating pizza while staring at a guy bathed in colored stage lights as he plays an antique organ the size of a basketball court. It's sort of Chuck E. Cheese's meets The Phantom of the Opera by way of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.

But give it a few minutes and the genius of the place catches up with its weirdness. This organ and its players are awesome, so awesome that the show is entertaining to everyone from the 3-year-old smearing pizza on his face to the 90-year-old smearing pizza on his face. Indeed, the Organ Stop and its 1927 Wurlitzer is one of the few places where the term "fun for all ages" actually applies.

That toddler will be jazzed by the funky lights, kid-friendly pizza and the enormous sound; meanwhile, your great-grandfather will just be jazzed by hearing genuine musicianship on one of the Valley's grandest instruments.

In today's fiercely pigeonholed society, it's heartening to see a pizza parlor that successfully caters to so many, ahem, slices of life.

The 5,000-square-foot refuge sectioned off on the fourth floor of the Phoenix Public Library's main branch is revered by the community as a safe haven for teens, and loved by teens because someone has actually been able to create a safe setting that's not too dorky to attract the kids. Staffed by an average of five librarians specially trained to deal with teen issues, and stacked with resources to help teens cope with everything from peer pressure and pregnancy to that looming book report on The Odyssey, Teen Central has earned its reputation as a sanctuary for teens.

In fact, about the only place around TC where young people have to deal with the weirdness of the adult world is at the entrance, where older relatives sometimes hang out like the reverse version of underage kids outside the liquor store, bribing 14-year-olds to pick up that latest Sigur Rés CD from the section's 5,000-plus collection of new and recent releases -- the most current selection in town. It's no wonder the oldsters lurk jealously outside the door: Teen Central is like the dream library denied to all previous generations, outfitted with a cozy crash space surrounded by magazines and vending machines, nearly two dozen Internet-wired PCs blaring music videos and games, a wide-screen TV hosting twice-daily movie matinees, and even a small dance floor.

Best of all: In Teen Central, no one ever tells you to "shush."

One too many Happy Meals making you grumpy? Take the tots to Sabuddy's Israeli Restaurant in Tempe. You won't find toys or crayons here, although you're welcome to bring your own, but you will find a genuinely friendly, locally owned restaurant with a varied, reasonably priced menu. Kid favorites include labne (a rich, cream-cheesy spread), hummus, and thick homemade lentil soup. More adventurous kids can try the crunchy, fragrant falafel; for the truly picky, won't-eat-anything child, there's always a nice stack of warm pita bread. Best of all, the clientele, like the owner, leans to the mellow, international side -- you'll see students, academics and young families, and you'll hear a lot of foreign accents. If your child decides not to use her inside voice or stay glued to her seat, this is the kind of place where you're more likely to get a knowing smile than a dirty look. All of which helps stressed-out, hungry parents recollect the "rest" in "restaurant."

Readers' Choice: Chuck E. Cheese's Pizza

There's nothing Mickey Mouse about this little amusement park, but be warned that it's only open on weekends (with a few exceptions). The place looks smaller than we remember it from our youth, but to our kids, it's huge. Either way, Kiddieland has all the prerequisites for a morning of fun: carousel, train, face painting, rides. Bring a picnic lunch to eat in the park, or buy from the traditional concession stand.

We love this carnival in the middle of the city -- and we bet you and your kids will, too.

Summer in Phoenix can be hard on kids -- and even harder on mom and dad. Here's a bargain you can't beat, that'll let you beat the heat, at least for a little while. Harkins Theatres sponsors a summer movie series of 10 "family films," one a week, for a total of $7 per person. We couldn't believe our luck when we stumbled on this, and one morning a week, all summer long, we kicked back in the dark while junior munched popcorn (Harkins sells a kid-friendly snack pack) and enjoyed the show -- particularly when it was Shrek. (Not Shrek 2; these are all older releases.) As you might guess, the passes go fast, so make sure you grab yours when summer rolls around again.

There's a ridiculously catchy children's song that goes, "M-O-M-M-Y needs C-O-F-F-E-E, D-A-D-D-Y needs C-O-F-F-E-E," and once you've heard it, you will find yourself singing it -- especially on those mornings when you have stayed up too late the night before working (or drinking) and your kid decides to greet the day at dawn. On those mornings, or any other time you require refueling, you should take yourself -- and your offspring -- directly to Mama Java's Coffee House. Mama Java's is a coffee house in the traditional, down-to-earth mold: The baristas are welcoming but not in-your-face friendly, the couches are comfortable, and the walls are lined with shelves of books that aren't just there because somebody at corporate HQ decided books look "authentic." You can get a nice cup of coffee or a properly brewed mug of tea, and a little nosh to go with. Junior can sip on milk, chew a bagel and loll on the couch for a few peaceful moments. You might even get a chance to take one of those books off the shelves . . . And be sure to check out Mama's musical events, perfect for kids or, better yet, for a night you score a sitter.

Half wired coffee house and half gaming center, the eJoy Cafe, housed in what used to be a Bank of America branch just off Mill Avenue, is far from the most serious fragging spot in town. The twentysomething ASU students serving up espresso and scones in the front room are often clueless about fixing the poorly maintained PCs running the memory-intensive games in the back (recently, a bored hacker managed to install software at every station that allows anyone with the similar program at home to control the computers remotely). And heaven help the gamer who needs an extra copy of the Diablo II Expansion CD to load the game. But at only $10 a day -- five bucks for kids under what the staff guesses to be 18 -- it's the only place in town where you can play Warcraft, Counter-Strike, BattleField 1942 or The Sims Online 'til 2 a.m. on the weekends for less than a case of Red Bull. If you can take the heat in the Vault, an actual converted bank vault where headphones are optional (as long as you close the hefty steel door), up to eight of your closest enemies can wage their own private war. Fire in the hole!

Hook some new kids on the Bach. Through its series of concerts for children ages 6 to 12, the Phoenix Symphony reels in little listeners with familiar music, dynamic guest artists and interactive learning. An hour of free preconcert activities -- including the "instrument petting zoo" -- sets the stage for each show; with the ever-engaging associate conductor Bob Moody at the podium, the concerts explore themes like time travel, dancing and outer space. This season's series takes the stage October 9, beginning a four-Saturday series when "Magical Musical Mystery!" melds music from Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings with magic by local tricksters Matt Lemm & Emily. And high culture doesn't carry a high price: Ticket packages offer admission to all four concerts for as little as $30.

We'll do almost anything for a dollar -- or to save one. Like recently, our relentless pursuit for bargains galore brought us to this weekly commercialism commotion sprawled across the parking lot of the Phoenix Greyhound Park for -- among other things -- toiletries and socks offered at cut-rate prices. The little one has also joined us, and his attention is quickly riveted to blue tarps laden with bootleg toys.

There are knockoffs of all shapes and sizes: classic Transformers gestalts, unusually colored Power Ranger Megazords, Gundam Wing robots, and Robotech Valkyrie jets, ready to be drafted for a living-room war against GI Joe and the Rebel Alliance. Gentle hands are required, as some of the Chinese imports are made from such shoddy plastic that they'd shatter if you looked at them incorrectly. And someone should have considered running a spell-checker before exporting these goods, as multi-packs of "Spader-Man" and "Dragoon Ball Z" action figures (complete with bastardized graphics) look a little off.

We give the young'un $20 to buy the "Power Player Super Joystick," which promises thousands of classic NES games built into a Nintendo 64 control pad and wicked-looking Sig Sauer-esque light gun to boot. It's a sturdier substitute to toys that could potentially transform from robot to implement of impalement in the blink of an eye.

On the way to the parking lot, our now-joyful charge sings "Spader-Man, Spader-Man, no one fixes pets like a spader can."

Curious kids can go to town at the Arizona Museum for Youth, where ArtVille -- "Arizona's newest planned community" -- was founded this spring. Built on a "town philosophy of artistic exploration," the permanent exhibition is among the few spaces in the U.S. aiming to introduce babies and toddlers to fine art. "Art" serves as mayor of the 2,500-square-foot "hotspot for tots," where the median age is 2.5 years -- and where points of civic pride include a kiddy cafe, changing art displays, weekly activities and seasonal celebrations. Kids 5 and younger can take classes at the art studio, catch puppet shows at the performing arts center, explore the cushy Tot Town Square crawl space, and get back to nature at the tempera lake and fishing pier in Art's Park.

Grown-ups, however, have to watch their steps: Adults are required, by law, to be accompanied by a child while inside the town limits.

This little shop -- which also features a design center -- is a treasure trove for the new mom, particularly if someone else is buying. We fell in love with a feather boa-ed pig and a perfect pink ballet costume, and the selection for boys is just as precious. In case anyone is wondering, our personal favorite is the tiny red-and-pink bowling shirt, with Princess embroidered on the chest.

If you're still buying brand-new clothes for your kid, you've gotta be a brand-new parent. Early in the game, we learned that it's pointless to dress up little Sophie in that $75 Baby Lulu dress with matching hat and diaper cover. Five minutes later, the dress is drenched -- either from the top of Sophie or the bottom. But we still love Baby Lulu and all the other fabulous baby clothes taunting us from department store racks -- so when we're jonesing for a junior designer fix, we head to Small Change. This used baby/kids' clothing store is strategically located in the heart of Scottsdale, right near all those moms silly (and wealthy) enough to buy retail. For just a few bucks, we can snatch up a nifty, barely worn outfit (the buyers at Small Change are very picky, we learned when we tried to sell them Sophie's soiled castoffs) and have some money left over for the toy and video section. Small Change also has a nice selection of maternity clothing and big-ticket baby items like strollers and cribs.

Teach those babies how to shop early!

Some people have nightmares that they're back in school, naked, about to fail a test. We have nightmares that we're out to dinner with our kids. Let's face it: Fine dining isn't big among the toddler set. And so when we do venture out, we bring along a suitcase-size bag stuffed with art supplies and toys. Usually, that engages our youngster until the menus arrive. The crayons most restaurants offer are under the table by the time the chairs are pushed in. That's why we were delighted when the hostess at P.F. Chang's handed us a package of Wikki Stix on a recent visit. The "twistable, stickable, buildable, playable" sticks -- the brain child of Phoenicians -- look like brightly colored, oversize candle wicks. Turns out, you can twist them into all sorts of shapes, then untwist them and do it again. They're non-toxic, so it was okay when one disappeared.

Next time, we'll ask for two packages. We wanted to play with the Wikki Stix, but the toddler didn't want to share.

Arizona State University's campus is the most righteous place to blade, but the cops chase hard-core bladers away because they chip a little cement off benches and tables on daredevil slides and jumps. If you're tired of the hassle, the place to go for unlimited blade action is the Wedge.

With quarterpipes, lots of grinding rails, some bowls and a whole mother lode of other sweet stuff designed especially for bladers, the Wedge offers plenty of opportunity to bust out with some kick-ass blading moves. The vibe is less intense than the Valley's two other more skateboard-oriented parks in Phoenix and Chandler, and less intimidating for the preteen set just honing their plates. A few pro skaters practice at the Wedge, adding a layer of luster and inspiration. The park is open every day from dawn to 10 p.m., and it's free.

How would this go over at your household? "Mommy and Daddy are going to go out for a drink. You kids fend for yourselves." Now try this. "Let's go to Gameworks."

With all the latest and greatest in electronic gaming as well as a full bar and restaurant upstairs, Gameworks has everything you need to satisfy the "inner" and "outer" child. Look for the daily specials -- $20 for one hour of unlimited play, or $20 purchases $27.50 worth of eyeball-sucking fun. Feed the beast, unhook the leashes and the kids are off. The upper sanctum is sufficiently insulated from the mayhem a floor below to allow for a relaxing brew and, gasp, conversation! And don't worry about finding the kids. When their card runs out, they'll find you.

Readers' Choice for Best Kids' Fun at a Price: Castles-n-Coasters

Happy Meals do not grow on trees.

Still, that horticultural fact of life comes as news to many of the young city slickers who visit this West Valley agro-attraction.

"Many of these kids don't have a clue," reports Kathleen Duncan, who, with her husband, Arnott, operates the working farm that includes an organically certified pick-it-yourself veggie patch and petting zoo. Prior to visiting her farm, says Duncan, some young'uns don't know the difference between a cow and a pig, assume that produce grows in the grocery store and have yet to make the connection between barnyard fowl running around the property and the fried poultry nuggets they gobble down at McDonald's.

Fun and educational, the farm also features tractor rides, a seasonal cornfield maze, a farm machinery museum and picnic facilities for birthday parties and other group events. Head west on I-10 toward Goodyear and look to your right for the billboard of a giant baby terrorizing some miniature farm folk, one of several fanciful pop-art pieces that dot the Duncans' acreage.

If you like the idea of art, but aren't exactly sure which end to tell your kid is up in a museum or gallery, this program is the one for you. Its six weekly courses in art history -- held this year from September 20 to October 25 -- deliver the fundamentals of major art movements and works. The teachers are the museum's curators, so they're fluent in the subject. They deliver the lessons without peering down their noses. And the aim is pure: to train volunteers to take art into school classrooms. The program excels at teaching people how to look, and how to encourage children to do the same. We know of some schools where Art Masterpiece volunteers provide the only real art education of the school year.

Who knows why windmills and garishly painted plywood castles became the standard props for miniature-golf courses? But this is one Lilliputian links that bucks that trend with an Old West theme that has your balls rolling toward holes named Devil's Arch, Fool's Gold and Gravedigger's Gulch.

Here the greens are billiard-smooth and truly green -- none of that rumpled multicolored indoor/outdoor carpeting you find elsewhere. Instead of being made of cheap plastic, the putters are genuine metal. And the contours and unsloped lips around the holes make the two 18-hole courses challenging enough to make you want to keep score.

Even better, the approach to the courses doesn't lead through a dungeon of pulsating video games. Instead, it takes you past a driving range, where your children can see firsthand the horror that shanked and sliced balls bring to the faces of local duffers.

Fancy water parks are fun, but can be pricey. We'd rather head to Chandler's aquatic facilities, which offer similar features at a pittance. You'll find thrilling slides, high dives and lap pools for all ages, spraying toys and smaller slides for younger swimmers, beach chairs, shade and grass and even affordable snacks for everyone.

The admission prices are 50 cents for kids and $1.50 for those 18 and older; during certain times, admission costs drop further: $1 for a whole family, 25 cents for seniors and zip during free swim times.

Call before you drag out the swim fins. All pools don't operate on the same "season" and are only open certain weekends throughout September and May. Coming in May 2001: a cool new pool at Arizona Avenue and Ocotillo Road featuring a "Water Vortex" that spins and sprays kids, and a "Current River" for lazy floating.

Readers' Choice for Best Free Kids' Fun: Encanto Park

You know how it goes at baseball games: A chip shot off the bat. A beer-soaked scramble in crowded stands. And the biggest dog comes up with the ball.

But during autumn Fall Ball, kids can hunt and gather all the stitched orbs they want. The stands are rarely more than half full. Most of the crowd seems to be slow-moving retirees or the players' families and friends. Errant balls are sometimes so abundant that we've seen bigger kids sharing their many with smaller kids who have none.

And when the youngsters aren't hunting balls, they can watch the best in up-and-coming baseball talent from major league farm teams. Derek Jeter and Nomar Garciaparra are just two of the players who've stopped here on their way to the majors, not to mention last year's best-named gamer Milton Bradley. The league has six teams, playing at five Cactus League stadiums. The season runs from October 3 through November 19.

Novelty birthday pastry has come a long way since the days of a cupcake decorated to look like a clown's head. If you doubt it, check out the computer-cake technology that now allows you to serve an iced facial replica of the birthday boy or girl.

Every bakery department in the Fred Meyer chain is now equipped with a computer program capable of reproducing your favorite photo in edible ink on completely digestible rice paper, which is then placed atop a decorated cake of your personal choosing. They can even blow up one of those wallet-size school mug shots of your child and transform it into cake covering.

And if Donner Pass-style dining on a photo of your kid's face doesn't excite you, there are always those Polaroids you've got hidden in your underwear drawer. Your crumby creation is limited only by the twistedness of your own imagination.

The charm of the Mex, as longtime patrons call it, is that it comes without noisy gimmicks and distractions. There's a stash of wind-up toys for children to take to the tables, and a lineup of hand-crank gumball and candy machines to keep their minds on finishing the meal. Waitresses are relaxed and swift enough to get the simple Mexican fare to you faster than it takes most kids to really turn on the squirm. Yet the real delight is the way the little beasts sink into the sedative of the cushy vinyl booths and begin chowing like contented little lambs.

Readers' Choice: McDonald's

This shop is the epitome of what's so beautiful about the sport and its enthusiasts. It's independently owned by three skaters in their mid-20s who have put their emphasis squarely on the tools, not the fashion, of skateboarding -- more gear than clothes.

And you won't find snowboarding or, ugh, inline skating paraphernalia. The shop has one focus, skateboarding (well, perhaps two: The motto on its tee shirts reads, "Tonight we drink, Tomorrow we ride").

Freshly reworked so it's not cluttered by racks, Sub Society has found a new aesthetic sensibility inside the front door. It's organized, with one wall of skate decks, one wall of clothing, and a corner dedicated strictly to shoes, plus the requisite couch and TV where skateboarding videos play all day.

The neatness and friendliness of the staff make it parent-friendly, as well. Most representative perhaps is the fact that there's a chess board set up next to the assembly area; these kids are thinking.

Are you sick of watching your kids blasting away at video games for hours on that $5,000 computer that was supposed to be an educational device -- but is actually nothing more than an expensive joy stick? Then unplug the PC and take 'em on down to Game Depot, where an assortment of challenging games and precision models will jar your youngster out of cyberland and into tangible fantasyland.

Once you get over everyone's original cliché reaction ("This place has got to be for loser geeks with nothing to do!"), you'll find an array of challenging activities of the real sort. The store welcomes children and encourages play on custom game tables -- particularly for Warhammer 40,000 and Magic: The Gathering. The rulebooks for these elaborate games are an inch thick and would confuse the heck out of most adults. But kids who can't find time for homework can nurture their reasoning skills while plotting attacks with their Warhammer 40K postapocalypse armies that they have spent hours painting in minute detail.

The Depot's extensive game selection and supplies have become legendary in the ever-evolving fantasy-game market -- sans computer.

Most city history museums are a hodgepodge of stuff somebody gave them when the city's first rich white people died. No context, no narrative, no fun. Just lots of Victorian finery. The kids last maybe 30 minutes.

At the greatly revamped Mesa Southwest Museum, though, all that dull old stuff is now brilliantly weaved into an epic kid-friendly tale of Arizona, a tale that spans some three billion years and includes everything from meteors and trilobites to territorial jails and the making of the movie Wyatt Earp.

The star of the museum is its new Prehistoric Wing, a 40,000-square-foot display that doubled the museum's space when it opened in May. With giant automatronic dinosaurs and a towering waterfall, the new wing keeps the kids excited and engaged as they digest lots of hard science and history.

The museum also has two galleries that host changing exhibits as well as numerous hands-on programs for kids.

The museum's hours are 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Tuesdays through Saturdays and 1 to 5 p.m. on Sundays. Admission is $6 for adults and $3 for children 3 to 12. Children under 3 are free.

An outdoor picnic in the dead of summer?

Hot damn!

First, pack a picnic lunch with lots of cold beverages. Then suit up the kids in their swimming gear, grab the sunscreen and head for Desert Breeze Park.

Ignore the lovely lake surrounded by trees and picnic tables. Instead, head to the children's playground area. Beneath an earthen berm/overpass/observation deck are an assortment of shaded tables. This covered passageway connects a traditional playground with a "spray pad" where three dolphins and an elephant (climbing structures the rest of the year) squirt water on a cyclical timing system from May to October. Eat, chill, eat, chill -- well, you get the idea.

Repeat process as needed through mid-October.

Got a stage-struck young'n? Can't afford the tickets to see every show in town? How does seeing them all for free sound? Downtown's busiest theater has the best volunteer program around. They are always looking for new folks willing to tear tickets and lead patrons to their seats. Volunteers as young as 12 are accepted when accompanied by an adult, which makes this a perfect family activity. After calling the volunteer hot line number above, you will go to an orientation meeting, which includes a tour of one of the biggest performance spaces in town. After that, it's a matter of signing up to work the various plays that are always happening on the two stages at the center. Give your teen a chance to see everything from Shakespeare to Wallace & Ladmo while helping Phoenix's best local theater center keep up the good work.

These sprawling, two-level facilities go into the category of "Only in America!"

You plunk down $6.50 for 20 minutes, then hang a brightly colored pad that resembles a flotation device around your chest and shoulders. Laser gun in hand, you step into a maze, try to get your bearings, and start firing at other players -- up to 30 at a time per session -- who also have you in their sights. Loud music (oddly enough, we heard classical piano blaring over the speakers one day instead of the usual thrashy stuff) helps the disorienting effect.

There are numerous nooks and crannies in which to hide -- or, if you're the aggressive type, from which to spring. It all ends in a flash, and a computer printout tells you how many humans you've shot, and how many have shot you. What a blast.

Breast-feeding jokes aside, Hooters is a great place to bring the kids.

On Saturdays, children under 12 eat free all day, from 11 a.m. to 1 a.m. (on a kid-per-adult ratio). And every day of the week, youngsters are greeted with balloons, crayons and gifts -- like a Hooters cup, beads or a Frisbee. The offer's good at all Valley locations, but we prefer the Ahwatukee Hooters, where the management refuses to show kid-unfriendly pay-per-view boxing and other rough-and-tumble television.

No worries. There's good scenery elsewhere at this establishment. Just keep the kiddies away from the hot wings.

Readers' Choice: McDonald's

Attention, parents. If you're looking to blow that $400 tax credit from George W., head over to This Little Piggy Wears Cotton.

For infants, we're partial to the Fattamano layettes. There's a full line of Baby Lulu dresses and onesies -- with wonderful hats to accessorize -- for the girls, and Lucky jeans for the boys. We also love the Piggy Brand line of comfy cotton dresses, pants, tees and pajamas -- bright, simple colors and fun patterns, just right for playing and snoozing.

If you've got a few pennies left over, the store also features fun, hard-to-find toys, and our very favorite baby-product-for-Mom, a full line of diaper bags by Petunia Pickle Bottom.

Established in 1983, this theater is housed in a beautiful, renovated downtown church. With a repertoire of more than 50 different fairy tales and original puppet plays, the Great Arizona Puppet Theater tours throughout the state, performing shows and teaching workshops for kids and teachers. The troupe serves more than 400 schools and preschools in the state, and offers private parties for groups and birthdays.

We love the theater because of the amazing skills of the puppeteers. Each puppet is meticulously created and manipulated to be incredibly animated and lifelike, often to the point of making us forget that they aren't moving on their own. Our favorite is the Peter Pan series -- the Peter puppet is just about the coolest thing we've ever seen on strings. Yeah, the kids love it, but you'll enjoy it as much as they do.

The theater's on-site gift shop offers a selection of puppets from complicated to simple, as well as how-to videos and books -- in case you get the puppet bug yourself.

So you need to get away from it all, but you're not quite ready to leave the newborn home with a sitter? Escape to the Phoenician.

Bring the baby along, but don't bother to take the diaper bag. In your room, you'll find a mini-bar stocked with milk, juice and zwieback crackers, and a crib with a diaper pail filled with essentials like wet wipes and non-essentials like stuffed plush rattlesnakes, coyotes and other animals reminiscent of the Sonoran Desert. The staff will attach an infant bathtub to the room's marble tub, and they'll spell out your baby's name in colorful sponge letters.

Need a jogging stroller? No problem. A portable playpen? You got it. Leave your room and baby can frolic on the playground, which includes a sandbox, jungle gym and picnic tables. Or feed the ducks and koi in the 11 million gallon Necklace Lake.

Leave the jars of Gerber spinach at home, too. The Phoenician's chefs will create a low-fat, high-vitamin menu based on your child's age and personal tastes.

You and baby will never want to leave.

What better place to buy a baby gift -- heck, any gift -- than from the comfort of your own computer chair? We tracked down the ladies at 2littlemonkeys.com after a friend sent us a box of velvet-trimmed burp clothes to celebrate a new arrival. Turns out they're right here in the Valley, running one of the best baby Web sites we've seen. We drooled over the selection of blankies -- including the pastel velvet patchwork number -- and fell in love with brands like Little Giraffe, Icky Products (great splat mats!) and Pashmina Baby. Your loved ones and their bundles of joy will adore the Blue Moon and Babycakes Moses baskets and the personalized birth announcement rugs.

If you're not a Web surfer, call the folks at2littlemonkeys.com and they'll set you up with a private viewing in their Scottsdale showroom. Now that's what we call service!

Since opening 10 years ago, this toy box has gone from run-of-the-mill geek (Star Wars figurines) to frighteningly specific freak (a 12-inch plastic YS German Anti-Tank Rifle Panzerbchse 39). Combat keepsakes range from historical (Civil War Brotherhood of Arms infantry outfits come in Wisconsin, Georgia, Carolina and Pennsylvania versions) to hysterical (the 21st Century "Armed Terrorist" action figure is deemed appropriate for ages 5 and up). Immortalizing TV heroes from Colonel Klink to Disco Stu, the store boasts a strong retro element (The Lone Ranger, Planet of the Apes, The Twilight Zone), plus plenty of campy charm (autographed Alice Cooper dolls and Monty Python toys). And its collection of matinee idols is truly terrifying: Boris Karloff as The Mummy, a Psycho Anthony Perkins, Charlie Sheen in Platoon, Johnny Depp as Edward Scissorhands. Valley of the dolls, indeed.

Kids who kick academic butt can learn to kick literal butt -- on the house -- thanks to this martial arts school's Self-Defense for Grades program. Any honor roll student from any Valley school can cash in that stellar report card for a free month of martial arts lessons -- just call and schedule the first session. This program could cause a significant shift in the ages-old schoolyard dynamic -- who'll be taking whose lunch money? Of course, as the dojo's Jerry Laurita points out, martial arts training isn't merely physical. "The martial arts aren't just about self-defense. The ultimate self-defense is to have a positive mental attitude and self-discipline. Keeping up good grades is a huge first step."

Just because you're not a parent doesn't mean you don't ever have to entertain little ones. And if you're not used to it, you can go from normal, well-adjusted adult to crazy person with PTSD in about 30 minutes. In that case, a place like CrackerJax is Mecca.

Even if you are used to the supercharged energy of your average under-five-footer, it's nice to get a break every now and again. There are so many things to do in this place, even super-hyperactive kids (or parents or friends of parents) aren't going to get bored for at least an hour or two. The amusement park is 27 acres of bumper boats, pretty serious mini-golf, driving ranges, go-carts, kiddy go-carts, video games (where if you win a thousand little tickets you can buy a plastic parachuting soldier or a Chinese finger trap), batting cages (our personal favorite), volleyball and, of course, food. The staff even plans birthday parties. It's child caretaker heaven -- you never have to leave, except when it closes.

Readers' Choice for Best Kids' Fun at a Price Spot: Castles-n-Coasters

Readers' Choice for Best Kids' Free Fun Spot: Tempe Town Lake

Mom goes to those salons that smell funny, and Dad goes to those boring barbershops. Getting a haircut is such a drag. Isn't there a place for a kid to go?

Cool Cuts specifically caters to the children. The styling chairs are proportional to small bodies and there are even racecar chairs for those who need a little more coaxing. While zooming through a grooming, kids can choose to watch a video like Dora the Explorer or Thomas the Train or play Nintendo. We just wish they had a salon for adults.

Truth be told, most parents get downright sick of seeing their youngsters (more boys than girls, according to what we've seen) numb their brains with video games and Skee-Ball. But when it's too damn hot to even go swimming, we've found a notable step up from the cardboard-pizza chains with those disgusting, germ-infested "play areas." This immaculate, warehouse-size, two-story complex at the Desert Ridge Marketplace has a big sports bar downstairs for big people, a well-lighted billiards room upstairs and -- listen up, kids -- a huge, sprawling, state-of-the-art game room. A restaurant sits in the middle of the game room, where parents can suck down a few cold ones while keeping an eye on the kids and on whatever sporting events happen to be on the strategically placed television sets. This "kiddy Vegas" is replete with every ear-splitting, eye-jolting flashy game that one can imagine. No tokens allowed at this money pit. Instead, you buy a game card, which makes it painfully easy for kids to drop $20 in a north Phoenix second. That makes for a serious lesson in juvenile budgeting or (for those parents who don't recognize these types of establishments as signs of the imminent Apocalypse) the realization that forking over another $20 isn't the end of the world. And so what if it is.