Audio By Carbonatix
I don’t come by country music fandom naturally; people who do tell me that there are many reasons to enjoy the music of Miranda Lambert. But the most accessible route to Miranda Lambert appreciation ahead of Thursday’s concert at Desert Sky Pavilion, so far as I can tell, is through her songs about taking a vicious and final revenge on men who have done her or someone else wrong.
Here, then, are 10 of those songs. Please be careful around her.
10. Time to Get a Gun
Time to get a gun
That’s what I’ve been thinking
I could afford one
If I did just a little less drinking
Time to put something
Between me and the sun
When the talking is over
It’s time to get a gun
When the party is over
It’s time to get a gun
This is more a prequel to revenge than actual revenge, but once she gets the gun she puts it to good use. Note to self: Do not let the party be over.
9. Sin for a Sin
By the don’t-show-Jaws-right-away principle, it is even more unnerving when Miranda Lambert does not immediately explain what her revenge is.
I remember vividly what that vision did to me
You laying with her in our bed
Love can be a tradgedy
When you do what you did to me
All I’m seeing now is red
I need to repent
A sin for a sin
8. Trailer for Rent
The Pistol Annies, Lambert’s side project (with Ashley Monroe and Angaleena Presley), will be performing on Thursday. They may or may not perform this one, about a woman who is fed up enough with her man to sell the trailer out from under him. (But not fed up enough to use Craigslist.)
I said to the man I need to place an ad
How much will it be for the four lines?
‘Cause my husband’s pissed me off for the last time
Trailer for rent, no down payment
Comes with some holes and dents
Where I got tired of his shit
Call if you’re interested, trailer for rent
7. Fastest Girl in Town
I see the blue lights, we better run.
Throw out the bottle and I’ll hide the gun
If he pulls us over I’ll turn on the charm
You’ll be in the slammer and I’ll be on his arm.
Ain’t no use in trying to slow me down
‘Cause you’re running with the fastest girl in town
Not about revenge as such so much as everybody else’s inability to enact revenge on her. After starting fires, drinking and driving (open container laws may or may not apply), and firing guns with her first-verse beau, she’s perfectly happy to escape with The Law if her outlaw can’t keep up.
6. White Liar
Cuz my cousin saw you on the street
With a red head named Bernice
Turns out you don’t lie too well
Hey white liar
The truth comes out a little at a time
And it spreads just like a fire
Slips off of your tongue like turpentine
And I don’t know why
White liar
Here’s a bombshell just for you
Turns out I’ve been lying too
Miranda Lambert is always three revenge steps ahead. You’re thinking about cheating on her and not telling her about it? Too bad! She’s already cheating on you and not telling you about it! Checkmate!
5. Mama’s Broken Heart
In which Miranda Lambert ponders a different kind of revenge. But I have to think that–in the sequel to this song–it’ll be revealed that she decided to just burn the guy’s house down instead.
Can’t get revenge and keep a spotless reputation
Sometimes revenge is a choice you gotta make
My mama came from a softer generation
Where you get a grip and bite your lip just to save a little face
4. Hell on Heels
“Hell on Heels,” from the Pistol Annies, appears to be about some kind of country-woman Robin Hood, stealing from the rich and giving to fans who like to high-five when they sing about stealing Poor ol’ Billy’s credit card.
I got a pink guitar
A Lincoln town car
From ol’ what’s his name
I meet at a bar
Got a high rise flat in Hollywood
From a married man wasn’t up to no good
I’m hell on heels
Baby, I’m coming for you‘
3. Kerosene
Featuring a meta-country interlude, a harmonica, and arson.
Life ain’t hard but it’s too long to live it like some country song
Trade the truth in for a lie, cheating really ain’t a crime
I’m giving up on love cause love’s given up on me
Forget your high society, I’m soakin’ it in kerosene
Light ’em up and watch them burn, teach them what they need to learn, ha!
Dirty hands ain’t made for shakin’, ain’t a rule that ain’t worth breakin’
Well I’m giving up on love cause love’s given up on me
2. Gunpowder & Lead
Yeah, I’m goin’ home, gonna load my shotgun
Wait by the door, and light a cigarette
If he wants a fight, well, now he’s got one
And he ain’t seen me crazy yet
He slapped my face, and he shook me like a rag doll
Don’t that sound like a real man?
I’m going to show him what little girls are made of
Gunpowder and lead
His fist is big, but my gun’s bigger
He’ll find out when I pull the trigger
1. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
This one’s a gimme, of course — it opens with “I brought my pistol / but I ain’t some kinda fool,” and that isn’t even the verse I’m going to excerpt.
I started throwing things, and I scared folks half to death
I got up in his face, smelled whiskey on his breath
Didn’t give a second thought to being thrown in jail
‘Cause, baby, to a hammer everything looks like a nail
I’m mad as hell
Well, those pretty girls — they’re all the same
But they’re damn well gonna know my name
This, of course, should frighten you more than any other Miranda Lambert revenge song. This guy doesn’t even deserve it.
