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Snooze, You Lose
Four months after New Times documented chaotic conditions in East Phoenix No. 1 Justice Court, Judge John M. Carpenter has taken a medical leave of absence.
“I feel this leave is in the best interest of the public and myself to clear up any concerns about my health and my ability to sit as a judge,” Carpenter said in a written statement released Tuesday by Maricopa County Presiding Judge Robert D. Myers.
Myers approved the leave, which is expected to last 30 days, and appointed Paul Crum as Pro Tem Judge during Carpenter’s absence. Myers declined to comment further on reports that the Judicial Ethics Committee has received numerous complaints about Carpenter.
Several defense attorneys say they complained to Superior Court officials last fall that Carpenter occasionally dozed off during court proceedings. Carpenter has confirmed he is being treated for narcolepsy, a disorder that causes people to suddenly fall asleep.
Carpenter’s narcoleptic episodes are just one of several irregularities that engulfed the court since he was elected justice of the peace in November 1998. The post pays about $70,000 annually. Justice court officials confirmed in September that they were conducting an investigation into complaints by several employees about working conditions at the court.
Records reviewed by New Times also indicated that several court documents included signatures of Carpenter that appeared to be forged. Documents filed during a one-week period in August bore three distinct signatures for Carpenter.
A former process server, the 49-year-old Carpenter attracted public attention in May 1998 after firing a pistol in his house and pointing a gun at a person. Carpenter was charged by police with aggravated assault, and his preliminary hearing was scheduled in the courtroom where he later became judge. The charges were dropped.
Our Own Tricky Dick
State Representative Richard Kyle — who was accused of hitting on teenage pages, helped nix a bill that would have banned lobbyist gifts, used campaign funds to pay a lawyer, hire baby sitters, travel and pay for his AAA membership — has introduced a measure titled “Legislators Ethics Training.”
The end is near.
Asses and Elephants
Arizona is known as a GOP bastion. Only one statewide elected official — Attorney General Janet Napolitano — is a Democrat. Only one of our eight-member congressional delegation — Ed Pastor — is a Democrat.
The most recent figures from the Secretary of State indicate that Republican voters outnumber Democrats 927,240 to 842,265. Republicans account for 44.53 percent of the state’s registered voters; Dems 40.44 percent.
Yet only three counties — Maricopa, Mojave and Yavapai — have a Republican majority. The remaining 12 are all solidly in the Democratic column.
But Maricopa County is home to more than half of the state’s voters, and its Republican margin (573,888 to 407,135) is overwhelming. Throw out Maricopa, and Democrats outnumber Republicans in the state 435,265 to 353,352.
Apache County has the greatest plurality of Democrats (26,736) as compared to Republicans (7,264). Yavapai is the most Republican (47,013 GOP; 26,856 Dem).
The Flash isn’t sure what any of this means.
Mary on the Lam
Former Phoenix DJ Mary McCann has a new gig in cyberspace. After being McCanned in October by KZON-FM as part of several changes at the station, the Bone Mama, Harley queen and poetry slamstress planned to take a vacation in New Orleans before considering her options. That didn’t happen. Within days, she was hooked up with Sonicbox Inc., a new Silicon Valley company that was developing a device that allows you to listen to Internet radio stations on your stereo, rather than your PC.
McCann was lured to the job by company president Niko Bolas, a friend, fellow biker and veteran of the recording industry, and her title is program manager. “I get on the Internet and I find cool-sounding stuff,” she says. Others in the company then approach those stations so they can be included in Sonicbox’s offerings. Recently featured in Time magazine, the device was showcased by Bill Gates at the recent International Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas and should be on the market by March.
Meanwhile, after spending nearly 20 years in local radio, McCann is dividing her time between Mountain View, California, and the Valley. She plans to keep her home here and remain active in the arts scene. And she will be continuing to host a monthly performing arts showcase February through November at the Vision Gallery in Chandler.
And don’t worry, she hasn’t gone totally corporate. A listing of contacts on the Sonicbox Web site identifies her only as the Bone Mama.
Monumental Pique
Arizona environmentalists seldom have nice things to say about our senior senator and presidential contender, Humble . The animosity dates to 1989, when McCain allegedly threatened a U.S. Forest Service employee during the debate over telescopes atop Mount Graham. Investigators reported that McCain informed the bureaucrat that if he didn’t cooperate with McCain to get the legislation passed, he “would be the shortest-tenured forest supervisor in the history of the Forest Service.”
Then there’s the whole mess with Spur Cross Ranch, the pristine hunk of northeast Maricopa County desert that Humble John tried to save a couple years back — at the expense of untold acres of other trackless Arizona land. Dozens of environmentalists lined up to oppose McCain on that one.
McCain even put his solitary green accomplishment — legislation designed to limit noise from air tours over the Grand Canyon — in jeopardy last fall by offering an amendment that would have eviscerated his own law. Environmentalists persuaded him to reconsider the amendment.
And now McCain’s got the tree huggers barking about his condemnation of President Bill Clinton‘s decision to set aside Arizona acreage as national monuments. The Grand Canyon chapter of the Sierra Club has announced it will run television and radio ads denouncing McCain’s position.
Will anyone outside Arizona listen?
Defunitions
The Washington Post‘s Style Invitational asks readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the most recent winners:
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hick.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s, like, a serious bummer.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
Bad Company
The following was e-mailed to the Flash by a reliable source. Neither the source nor the Flash can cite its genesis — other than “the Internet” — or vouch for its veracity. But it sounds plausible, so let’s let ‘er rip:
Can you imagine working at the following company, which boasts more than 500 employees with the following traits?
• 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
• 7 have been arrested for fraud
• 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
• 117 have bankrupted at least two businesses
• 3 have been arrested for assault
• 71 cannot get a credit card because of bad credit
• 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
• 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
• 21 are current defendants in lawsuits
• In 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunken driving
Can you guess which organization this is? Give up? It’s the 535 members of your United States Congress. The same group that perpetually cranks out hundreds upon hundreds of new laws designed to keep the rest of us in line.
Feed the Flash: voice, 602-229-8486; fax, 602-340-8806; online, flash@newtimes.com