| News |

Jon Ritzheimer Is Not Amused By the "Bag of Dicks" and Other Hate Mail He's Getting in Oregon

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Phoenix and help keep the future of New Times free.

Occupying a federal building and starting a revolution is tough and very serious work, explains Arizona militant Jon Ritzheimer in his latest Facebook video, which is why he doesn’t appreciate the dildos, phallic-shaped candies, and other hate mail he and the other armed patriots holed up in a federal building on the Malheur Wildlife Refuge in Oregon are receiving.

“It's sad that there are people who would spend this kind of money on this,” Ritzheimer says, pointing to a table covered in cardboard boxes that are presumably full of non-essentials, “rather than spending it to do good in the world.”

But as some have pointed out, maybe this is just what happens when you put out multiple calls for “snacks” and other revolutionary must-haves like, Miracle Whip, shredded cheese, tampons, and “throw rugs – any & all sizes for doorways.”

Their first call for snacks was mocked relentlessly, in large part because these tough cowboys and former military men put out the request on day three of the occupation.

“Sure, they said they came prepared to live free or die for months or years or forever, even, but they might have overlooked a few survivalist details,” writes the humorous political blog, Wonkette.

And just “for the record,” adds Wonkette in another story,” for a bunch of rugged survivalists, these dipshits aren’t merely bad at packing, they’ve also got some pretty outrageous requests. Mayonnaise and Miracle Whip? Fan-cee! Guess you need both of those, Mr. La-di-dah fancy militia dude? Did George Washington have both mayo and Miracle Whip at Valley Forge? He. Did. Not.”

Even the Daily Show joined in on the fun when host Trevor Noah and “Senior Militia Expert” Jordan Klepper, compiled a box of ridiculous items for the militants, and bloggers at websites like Addictinginfo.org have suggested people flood the mail system with “more tampons then they will ever use.”

But for Ritzheimer, these gag gifts are no laughing matter.

The militants, who are calling themselves the Citizens for Constitutional Freedom movement, swore an oath to uphold the U.S. Constitution and take their fight against the federal government very seriously. 

They’ve also said that they expect to maintain their occupation “for the long haul,” — or at least until the government reverses decades of land-management efforts and gives every acre of federal land in the area to the local community – which is why supplies and support are so important.

But apparently, they're not getting everything they want.

“So we went and picked up some of the mail that came in from the supporters, but along with that mail, we got an abundance of hate mail,” Ritzheimer says, holding up a giant dildo for the camera in the new video.

“You know, it is really mind-blowing to me that people would actually spend their money… and buy this ridiculous stuff.”

So for all you haters out there, he hints, know this: “We’re not going to be deterred, we’re not going to let all of your hate and junk mail side-track us, and we’re going to continue to do what’s right for our country.”

Watch the full video:

Keep Phoenix New Times Free... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Phoenix with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Phoenix.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Phoenix.