Mesa Muttonhead

God bless state Representative Russell "White Pride" Pearce. Yep, this nutty nightingale must give thanks a month before Turkey Day for this bumblefuck's outing himself as a wanna-be skinhead, first by longing for the days of the 1950s-era deportation program "Operation Wetback," then sealing his image as a racist redneck retard by cutting and pasting an article off the Web site of the neo-Nazi National Alliance and e-mailing it to his supporters.

Talk about the gift that keeps on giving!

This warped wren hasn't had such an easy target to poop on since the 9/11 Memorial went up. See, the National Alliance was founded by the late William Pierce, the fella who wrote The Turner Diaries, the race-war novel that inspired none other than Timothy McVeigh to blow the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City sky-high. And dumb-ass Pearce is disseminating hate screeds from this source. Pearce might as well tattoo a swastika on his forehead and start squawking about the evils of Judaism.

Wait a sec. Seems the document he duped did crap on the Jews, as well as blacks, gays, mixed-race couples and, of course, ol' Russ's favorite whippin' victims — Messicans. In his apology, which came after the disclosure and near-universal condemnation of his proselytizing for the white-power posse, Russ whimpered that it was all a mistake! A "friend" sent him the article, and even though it had the National Alliance Web link up at the top and was full of neo-fascist venom from jump . . . hey, maybe Russ is tellin' the truth. The moon-pie-faced moron is just stupid enough for his version of events to be correct.

Russ claims he read part of the diatribe and kinda agreed with it, which is why he sent it on to fellow featherheads. The Bird can buy that because, basically, there's a dime's worth of difference between anti-immigrant shit-kickers like Russ and avowed racists like Klansman turned laugher presidential candidate David Duke, who once mentioned that one of the first things he'd do once in power would be to — surprise, surprise — bring back the Dwight D. Eisenhower administration's Operation Wetback.

Duke once crowed that Ike "accomplished in less than a year in the early '50s what we must accomplish today." Maybe Pearce and Duke should hook up for a cross-burnin'. FYI: This inquisitive eaglet recently discovered that during the program only 80,000 people were actually apprehended, not the 1.3 million its proponents claim, which only shows you how insane it would be to try the same thing on the estimated 12 million to 20 million illegal immigrants in this country.

But let's get down to brass talons, folks: Other than the fact that he's dumb as Mesa dirt, why's Russell Pearce so down on the brown? The first reason has to do with Pearce's personal pugnaciousness toward Mexicanos. Seems when he was a sheriff's deputy, one of his digits was half-gnawed off by a dog sicced on him by Latino youths in Guadalupe. More recently, his son, a chip off the ol' blockhead and currently a sheriff's deputy like his pop back in the day, was shot in the belly by an illegal alien in 2004. Pearce prolly blames all illegals for the injuries to himself and his son. But get a grip, Russ.

The second reason has to do with the old-school Mormonism in which Russ was raised. Not that Mormonism is known for being the most inclusive religion in the world. Ever see a pic of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir? For the most part, it's whiter than rice. But back when Russ was a little shaver, it was even worse. Blacks couldn't hold the Mormon priesthood. And the 1958 edition of the Book of Mormon still had passages like these describing what would eventually happen to dark-skinned converts: "Scales of darkness shall begin to fall from their eyes, many generations shall not pass away among them, save they shall be a white and delightsome people." Later editions of the Mormon tome replace "white" with "pure," but you get the point.

For an old bigoted fart like Pearce, it's too late. He's too mired in his own fear, prejudice and hatred to ever change. The real question is why anyone with half a brain in Mesa would want this nasty knuckle-dragger representing them in the Arizona Legislature. On the other hand, if Mesa wants to be known as a shithole full of racist dillweeds, why, it's got the right man.

Broken Injun

Ever wonder why the Navajo Nation, which sprawls over three states and has nearly 200,000 citizens, remains mired in poverty and afflicted by social ills, despite all its gol-durned natural beauty, cultural richness and economic potential? Sure, the white man screwed the red man over big-time, but besides that little historical fact? Well, this pea-brained pterodactyl has finally figured it out: It's because their political leaders are not much brighter than the aforementioned Russell Pearce.

KEEP PHOENIX NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Stephen is a former staff writer and columnist at Phoenix New Times.
Contact: Stephen Lemons