If you're a pederast, you don't have to watch To Catch a Predator to know that if you want to get caught being a pervert, your best bet is to try to pick up a kid for sex via the Internet.
And yet people do it over and over (and over) again.
A Phoenix man, 33-year-old Troy Charles Lester, took the bait this week and had some interesting things to say to a Phoenix police officer he thought was a 15-year-old kid.
Check out some of this Casanova's best pick up lines after the jump.
Our personal favorite: Lester said he wanted to take the kid back to his house to "do some licking and sucking."
No "licking and sucking" took place, though, thanks to the prowess of the Phoenix PD's Internet Crimes Detail.
This may come as news to some, but the Phoenix Police Department -- like most large-scale law enforcement agencies -- monitors chat rooms and Web sites known to be popular among pedophiles.
That's how the Phoenix PD made its acquaintance with Lester.
According to court documents obtained by New Times, on July 13, a detective monitoring the sites was sent a private message from Lester, who claimed he was a 33-year-old war veteran home from his second tour in Iraq.
The detective told Lester he was 15-years-old, but that didn't stop the alleged pervert from asking if the kid was a virgin and how far the believed child had gone sexually.
Lester sent the kid a photo of himself in his Army uniform. The photo was taken -- as photos of this nature often are -- on a cell phone camera as Lester stood in front of a mirror.
Lester then told the kid the two should meet so he could "show [the "child"] new things." He told the kid they needed to be discreet, though, because if they got caught, Lester could "get into a lot of trouble.
Already knowing how this story ends, that's our favorite part.
Then, Lester said he wanted the minor to "suck his cock" as he performed oral sex.
Detectives set up a meeting for Lester and the faux-kid, before which, Lester asked if the alleged minor was excited to lose its [gender unspecified] virginity -- saying he would "go slow."
The meeting was set for yesterday morning at a fast-food restaurant near 24th Street and Indian School. Lester told the minor he would be driving a black Chevy Aveo and promised to wear his Army uniform.
At 9:20 a.m., Lester pulled into the parking lot of the pre-determined restaurant -- wearing his Army uniform -- and that's where he had his "hi, I'm Chris Hansen" moment.
Phoenix police swarmed the car and placed Lester under arrest.
During police interrogations, Lester came clean -- admitting he knew the child was a minor and that having sex with kids is wrong.
Here's the kicker: he then wrote an apology letter to the parents of the non-existent minor stating he had sexually charged conversations but never intended to have sex with the kid.
Lester was taken into custody and charged with luring a minor for sexual exploitation. Despite the fact that no minor actually was involved