Top 10 Wacky Liberal Beliefs in Phoenix

Liberals in metro Phoenix, much like their counterparts on the right, have sacred cows ripe for slaughter. Here are 10 of them:

10. Private prisons are 100 percent evil. Never mind the death, rape, and mayhem in public prisons and jails.

9. The ultra-conservative Koch bothers rule the nation, even though President Obama somehow won re-election.
8. Once the Confederate battle flag is banned from the public sphere, racial harmony will bloom.
7. All Republicans are equally bad, whether Russell Pearce, Joe Arpaio, Jeff Flake, or Mark Brnovich.
6. Saying "white lives matter" or "all lives matter" is racist, no matter how liberal you are.
5. Threatening people because you disagree with them is okay sometimes, especially if they use words you don't like.
4. Solar power cannot be criticized, even if it's not realistic and can only survive with government subsidies.

3. Criticizing rioters and looters in other cities, like these folks in Baltimore, is a sign of "white privilege."
2. Wearing a V for Vendetta -style Guy Fawkes mask during a protest does not make you look silly.
1. A 74-year-old socialist from Vermont, who could double for Christopher Lloyd's Doc Brown in Back to the Future, can absolutely win a general election for president. 

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Stephen is a former staff writer and columnist at Phoenix New Times.
Contact: Stephen Lemons