Chow Bella

Cafe: Milkshakes

Some people are born lactose-intolerant. Not us! No, we earned it. Maybe it's the companion splash of milk in every cup of coffee that keeps our journalistic fingers hard at work that has trained our body to associate mammalian lactation with stress. Either way, we can't handle milk products when we're under deadline; which is a real shame because if there's one thing we love it's milkshakes.

Luckily for us, this week's Cafe column identifies the Phoenix locations for the best milkshakes. Hey, love (and milkshakes) hurts, but if we know we're drinking the best possible blend of ice cream and milk we're ready to pay the price. 

Cyndi Coon on Milkshakes:

I visited nearly 25 joints over a six-month period. I'll start with those that clearly have no business making shakes. Coincidentally (or not), all are chains. At the top of this yuck list is Ruby Tuesday. Its shake was foamy, thin, and so mediocre that I left most of it and its cherry and whipped cream in the V-shaped sundae glass on the table. The following shakes came recommended, so I truly tried to give them my all. I went to all the fast-food joints in town, and the worst, by far, was In-N-Out Burger. I know everyone loves the burgers, but In-N-Out's shake tasted like warm, cocoa-flavored pudding. It was not cold and was so pudding-like that I could only think it was from an MRE box mix. The shake at Johnny Rockets was too thick, poorly mixed, and had a ratio of chocolate sauce to vanilla ice cream that was way off. I was so unhappy that I had to throw it away after just a few sips. It is sad that even a pregnant lady couldn't choke it down. The final place on the "please stop list" was 5 & Diner. Now, given that "diner" is in the name, you'd think it would make a good milkshake. It didn't happen, though. The shake had too much of an icy-crystal thing going on, it wasn't creamy, and the ice crystals made me think the ice cream was old. The flavor was bland and though I did finish it, I didn't leave satisfied. And again with the whipped cream on top. Don't assume, people...full story

By the way: we initially reported that a milkshake at Mary Coyle's is $6. This was an error. A 20 oz milkshake at Mary Coyle's is $5.50 and the child's milkshake is $1.

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Jonathan McNamara