Dirty Dishes: My Kingdom for a Parking Space

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We don't care what anybody says, you can't make it in this town without a car. You can try, and lord knows we have. Even living on our main drag and ridin' Miss Metro's wheels of steel just ain't enough right now. Don't get us started about your late night toilet paper replenishment options (zilch, dammit) if you are without car and livin' downtown.

But since the recession bell tolls for you (and us), we try. We wish everyone else did. We're lookin' at one particular local mini-food empire -- hint, the name is an homage to a favorite fruit -- that loves itself a "free" valet and hates loads of parking. Or any parking. Is there any neighborhood safe from their invading hoards? Run, Arcadians, run! Who on Earth could park, wait in line, get their stuff, and be out in 19 minutes? 

Like pasta? Too bad, because you can't park at their other spot, either. But maybe you can park in the corner lot that's supposed to some day become a Mexican taco stand.

Really? Another spot jammed in that tiny corner? We're surprised no one has sued these folks for ruining their Jimmy Choo's from walking 18 blocks to get some bruschetta and a glass of wine.

Let us say this: Their neighbors hate them. Practically every street near that corner of parking congestion sports a sign that says, "Residential Parking Only, $5 cupcake munchers be damned!"

Even the empire's new Central Ave spot started out without enough parking -- like anyone there would dare take the bus for some salad and vino. And it's a matter of time before the neighbors stand with pitchforks and torches, charging at drivers like Frankenstein on the loose.

So people circle the block like sharks honing in on dinner, waving a fist at the "lot full" sign near the valet, because, surprise surprise, that bitch is always full!

Let's say it's a Christmas Miracle and there's one spot left. Free valet our ass. We spent 20 bucks on gas just finding a spot, we're not giving $5 for the privilege of parking our farking car. So please, we're begging you, don't open any more restaurants without a) being on a Light Rail stop and b) maintaining a Disneyland-size lot of parking.

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Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Phoenix.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Phoenix.