It's that time of year again. A time for pumpkin spice in everything we ingest and peppermint in every way, shape and form. Like holiday music, Christmas lights and arguing with the in-laws, there's just something about the flavors of the season that get us in the mood to eat, drink, be merry and spend a lot of time at the crowded mall. It's logic that explains why marketing teams so much time figuring out how to milk those precious extra bucks out of our swooning, holiday hearts.
But there's a limit, and it's a hard limit, on things that can and should be holiday-ifed. Some of these edible creations come out more like Frankenstein's creation than cheery holiday treats. So here's our list of the strangest holiday flavored eats and drinks around - some naughty, some nice.
8. White Chocolate Peppermint Pringles - actually, all of the seasonal Pringles
There's been quite a buzz around the newly revealed seasonal Pringles and in case you couldn't guess, it's not good. Aside from White Chocolate and Peppermint potato chips, the seasonal collection includes Cinnamon Sugar and Pumpkin Pie Spice. Whoever thought up these horrifying flavors will certainly be getting coal on Christmas morning.
We've got nothing against the non-dairy goodness of soymilk, but Seasonal Nog and Chocolate Mint are the kinds of things that make milk-drinkers think non-milk drinkers are weirdos.
We're not sure why the Nabisco thought they needed to be seasonally relevant in order for us to buy Oreos. But then again the chocolate-mint-cookie combo is as natural as elves and tights, so at least they didn't have to stretch it. Since they already offer mint Oreos, these are really just dressed up Christmas versions of a standard cookie product.
Ice cream and turkey don't mix well, and luckily we didn't come across any savory meat-flavored frozen treats. But Baskin Robbins' turkey-shaped ice cream cake with sugar cone drumsticks and a glossy, caramel glaze gives us the creeps.
Ice cream, why do you look like dinner?
There's nothing like a little pumpkin spice in the morning and Kellogg's delivers the flavor directly to the convenience of your home freezer. If we're ok with pumpking bagels and bread and cake, then we certainly won't discriminate again toaster waffles.
We've got respect for the Mickey D's McRib, but the holiday pie sounds like the worst idea since black highlighters. A sugar cookie-like piecrust - with rainbow sprinkles, because, duh - encloses a vanilla custard filling to make-up the handheld pie. To which we say, I'd rather have a fruitcake.
We could take this opportunity to point out that liquors with flavors that could appeal to a five-year old are, in general, an abomination - but we won't. Suffice it to say that the only thing this stuff is good for is for getting drunk enough to stand your Great Aunt Betha's nagging.
We feel gingerbread is the most overlooked of all the holiday flavors, far too often over shadowed by the profusion of pumpkin and peppermint. If you're eating a Pop Tart to start the day, you're already guaranteed a short-lived sugar rush. Might as well infuse a little holiday cheer into the soon-to-follow energy crash.
Keep Phoenix New Times Free... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Phoenix with no paywalls.