Z-Trip, Murs and Supernatural said it best: "On Saturday mornings I used to like to get a big, fat bowl of cereal and watch cartoons." Well guess what gang, so do we. But we're sophisticated adults which means we can afford to make sure we have the right cereal for the occasion. Just in time for Saturday morning, here are our picks for the top five best cartoon/cereal pairings:
5. Captain N: The Game Master / Nintendo Cereal System
One good product tie-in deserves another. Which is why we ate up The Nintendo Cereal System and Captain N: The Game Master in the late '80s. At that time, the Nintendo Entertainment System was at its peak. The Nintendo Cereal System was a cash in on the video game system's success that divided one cereal box divided in halves, giving kids the chance to choose between munching on Super Mario or Legend of Zelda shapes.
By today's standards, Captain N sucks. The premise follows an everyday gamer who gets sucked into his TV and must become the hero of "Videoland." It's the sort of plot that only barely resembles an excuse for exploring the various worlds featured in Nintendo video games in one show and it was done poorly. Yet at the time we didn't care that they were destroying our most beloved video game characters with their grossly inaccurate characterizations. We were too fixated on the fact that Captain N was using the Nintendo control pad and zapper, the very tools we'd used to best Bowser and Ganon, to pause in mid-air and blast baddies to care. Consume enough of the Nintendo Cereal System while watching this show and the impending sugar coma will ensure that you won't care either.
4. Ren and Stimpy / Cinnamon Toast Crunch
You'd have to have space madness to want to ingest anything while watching a show that frequently relied on kitty litter and "magic nose goblins" for its punchlines, but if there's one thing we found appetizing it's Powdered Toast Man. When Ren and Stimpy's cupboards were bare, this bread-headed hero would swoop in and essentially scrape off some of his toasty dandruff on to Ren and Stimpy's plates where it would form sparkling, cinnamony slices of toast.
As such we recommend laughing until you wet yourself silly while enjoying the delicious baked squares coated in sugar and cinnamon we call Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Even grown-ups can see why this is a perfect match.
3. The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy / Count Chocula
Maxwell Atoms' The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy takes the Grim Reaper, one of the most frightening figures of the human conciousness, and reduces him down to a plaything for two demented children. What's worse, he is also given a poorly imitated Jamaican accent. If there's one other product that removes the fangs from one of histories most legendary monsters, it's Count Chocula cereal. Rather than feast on the living to sustain his afterlife, Count Chocula seems content with helping children suck down more sugar and chocolately goodness with each bowl of his cereal. It's enough to make us wonder what happens we he sees sun light. Does he just melt?
2. Marshmallow Mateys on Vanilla Ice Cream with Sponge Bob Square Pants
Are You Ready Kids?
Sponge Bob Square Pants has the sort of charm that transcends age. Anyone can appreciate the slapstick comedy of Sponge Bob, Patrick and the rest of the kooky critters living in Bikini Bottom. Of course being a little loopy yourself helps one appreciate the zany antics so allow us to recommend kicking your cereal to accomdate. We recommend eating Marshmallow Matteys, the Malt-O-Meal rip off of Lucky Charms because of its nautical-themed marshmallow bits. Pour it over a bowl of vanilla ice cream and experience Sponge Bob as only a raving, sugar-fueled maniac can.
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1. Rice Krispies Treats Cereal with Captain Planet
Captain Planet features a cast of five kids from around the world who seek to end pollution by using their elemental powers to summon "Earth's greatest champion." Why do we recommend eating Rice Krispies Treats Cereal while watching Captain Planet? Back in the early days of this cereal's existence there was a campaign on the cereal box to save the rain forest by buying square feet of it with box tops and checks. For the record, I'm still waiting for my proof of ownership, Kellogg's. Still, saving the rain forest by eating a sugary rice cereal made just as much sense to us then as summoning a magical super hero with five magic rings. Eat a delicious cereal and save the planet? The power is yours.