Sammy Says

Interviewing Sammy “The Red Rocker” Hagar woulda been great and all, but I had a few other things I had to get done last week. Like the dishes, and, uhh, taking some naps. So let’s just let Sammy’s lyrics do the talking:

Me: Hey, man, how’re you doing these days?

Sammy: Higher than high, feelin’ just right!

Me: Wow, must be all that tequila. So you’re gonna be 60 next year — how has getting older affected you?

Sammy: I can’t drive 55.

Me: Yeah, you better stay outta the left-hand lane, slowpoke.

Sammy: Why don’t you drive, baby, here’s the key.

Me: Uhh, I’ll pass, but thanks. Say, what did you think of your old nemesis, David Lee Roth, getting shitcanned after only a few months of replacing Howard Stern on morning radio?

Sammy: Seems so unreal, this karma wheel.

Me: I hear ya, it’s like life just handed that guy a big bowl of brown M&Ms. Anyway, so you have a new album called Livin’ It Up . . .

Sammy: Whoo! Yeah! All right! Hey! Yeah!

Me: Okay, okay, calm down! I heard it’s more like country jam-rock than hard rock. Between that and your whole Cabo Wabo, boozin’-it-up-in-paradise thing, have you turned into Jimmy Buffett?

Sammy: That’s all I ever want it to be, yeah!

Me: Right on. You seem like the kinda fun-lovin’ guy who doesn’t care what the critics think.

Sammy: To me it’s all just mental masturbation.

Me: That’s the spirit! One last question — any chance of another Van Halen reunion?

Sammy: That’s what I want, just a whole lotta money!