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Five Figments of Phoenician Food Porn

Yes. YES!
Yes. YES!

In his latest book, Medium Raw, Chef turned Food Writer turned Celebrity Chef Anthony Bourdain posits the following: "Who doesn't like a good wank now and then?"

Bourdain is talking about food porn; written chronicles of culinary exploits that make you feel glad to be alive and in possession of a mouth and delicious things to put in it. Well, the chef is right. We do enjoy a good metaphorical wank now and then especially if it involves food we might actually be able to consume.

We're betting you do too. That's why we've chronicled some of our own food porn favorites from around the Valley. They may not be the best culinary conquests in town, but hey, they're our food porn moments. So forgive us for the kiss and tell and just enjoy the following.

I need a moment.
I need a moment.
Jonathan McNamara
Hot and spicy!
Hot and spicy!
Jonathan McNamara

Nachos at Blanco Tacos y Tequila

You're trying to decide which flavored margarita to drink and half-convinced that the only appropriate margarita flavor is lime when your waitress shows up tableside to ask if you'd like to order some appetizers. You opt for the nachos, unaware of how glad you will be that you did.

Your distaste for Pomegranate anything (much less a margarita) melts away like the oozing cheese on the mountain of nachos that just showed up at your table. Everything else seems to fade out as tortilla chips slathered in a beefy, chili sauce, fat-laden avocado and pico become your single focus.  

Thinly veiled in a cheese sauce, the chips beckon you closer. Soon you're lifting them up to your lips. Too close! The cheese coagulates on your lips before you lick it away. You take a bite and taste beefy goodness as it slides down your throat.

Your only thought: again.


Wise Guy at Pizzeria Bianco

Pizzeria Bianco is more a less a family place. And that's just wrong. You know it's wrong. In fact the notion that it's a family restaurant makes the indulgent experience of consuming a pie at Bianco's appear to be some sort of sadistic challenge issued by the man himself. How can one do so without letting loose a few guttural moans of absolute pleasure?

Your Wiseguy pizza arrives complete with caramelized onions, and locally-sourced fennel sausage on the chewiest of oven-fired pizza crusts. You pick up a bite and place it, still steaming, between your parting lips.

You can feel the sausage snap between your teeth and you hope to God every one else in the joint will ignore the sounds you're making as you go in for the next bite.


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