10 Things You'll Encounter While Dating Someone with Kids | Jackalope Ranch | Phoenix | Phoenix New Times | The Leading Independent News Source in Phoenix, Arizona


10 Things You'll Encounter While Dating Someone with Kids

We understand that you can't pick whom you're attracted to. And there are plenty of hot people out there who just happen to be parents. In the event you end up dating someone who has kids, there are more than a few obstacles you need to be prepared for.We know...
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We understand that you can't pick whom you're attracted to. And there are plenty of hot people out there who just happen to be parents.

In the event you end up dating someone who has kids, there are more than a few obstacles you need to be prepared for.We know it looked easy on The Brady Bunch, but there are plenty of issues that you'll only have to face if you start seeing someone who already has offspring. Here are 10 major ones.

See also: 10 New Year's Resolutions for Your Dating Life

10. Scheduling

It can be hard enough to schedule a date between two busy people, but when you add in an extra (little) human or two, it's nearly impossible to find consistent extended periods of time to be with each other. Don't even think about going out on a regular basis (that has other issues), we're just talking about finding the time when your date is going to be able to pay attention to you instead of his/her child.

9. Birthday parties.

Remember when you were in elementary school and that kid you hated had a birthday party but you still had to go because his/her mom invited everyone in the class and your parents said it'd be rude not to go? Well, that's what every child's birthday party is like when you have to go with your significant other's kid. Thankfully, this doesn't happen until you're pretty well along in the relationship, so you've probably found ways to tolerate your partner's kid(s) by that point, but that doesn't mean anyone wants to spend their Saturday afternoon wiping cake off of kids' faces or keeping an eye on cosmic bowling. The worst part? You may have responsibility for other people's kids at your date's kid's birthday, and that kid keeps having a birthday every year.

8. Toys

Some entertainment designed for kids doesn't lose its appeal as you get older (see: Pixar movies and Harry Potter books), but that doesn't mean toys don't become a nightmare. Sure, the kid loves playing with them, but they present an unreasonable amount of hazards to your everyday well-being. Ever stepped on a Lego with your bare foot in the middle of the night? How about slicing your thumb open trying to pry apart the plastic packaging around a doll or action figure? Try getting hit in the eye by a remote control helicopter, then tell us those toys aren't poorly disguised weapons.

7. Restaurants

Before we even get to considering the additional cost of food when there's an extra mouth (or three) to feed on a regular basis, let's just discuss the problems of going out to eat with children. If you're around for long enough, your partner is going to want to bring his/her offspring to dinner with you. Maybe you couldn't get a babysitter, or maybe he/she just decides to torture you by bringing the kid(s). Either way, dining with little ones can be a nightmare. First of all, it totally limits where you can go, because kids can be some of the pickiest eaters on the planet. More importantly, a good portion of children (at any age) have pretty much no idea how to act in a restaurant. We're pretty certain we weren't that poorly behaved as a kid, but you never want to be that table with the screaming children in the middle of a restaurant that you'd like to go back to.

6. Questions

Kids are inquisitive little beings.It's probably for the best in terms of learning and survival, but it's painfully annoying when you're just trying to get in bed with their parent. If it's your child, then at least you can choose how many/which questions you feel like answering truthfully, but if they're your date's kids, there's no way you want to be the one who drops the Santa Claus bomb on him. Not only do they want to know everything that you're doing (and why you're doing it), but they also lack the finesse to not ask inappropriate questions ("Are you going to be my new daddy or are you just another one of mommy's special friends?") or to refrain from pointing out possibly offensive qualities. ("You're much fatter than daddy's last girlfriend!")

5. Babysitters

We're not implying that all babysitters are weird, but there's little denying that the concept of babysitting is weird. Typically, you're paying a young and inexperienced girl (we've tried our luck finding babysitting jobs as a guy, it's tougher than you'd think) to help raise your children and shape their minds while you're busy. We feel pretty safe in saying that teenagers probably aren't the most responsible of people, but we still entrust them with our children. Plus, babysitters are kind of like Uber, you have to wait forever and they're extra expensive whenever you really need one.

4. Expenses

Financially, children are just pint-sized wallet-drainers. Beyond the aforementioned toys, food, and babysitting, you also have to take into consideration expenses like clothes, (possibly) diapers, and activities/entertainment for the little ones. It's true that kid-sized clothing is a bit cheaper since the wearers will likely outgrow it pretty quickly, but just wait until you date that person who wants their kid to wear designer jeans and Air Jordan sneakers. Buying new pairs every few months will lighten up your wallet in a hurry.

3. Privacy

Oh, you thought it was bad trying to get some privacy when you and/or your date had roommates? Try making those roommates tiny, endlessly energized, eternally curious, and lacking the perception to notice when they're being politely asked to leave the room. Also, let's not forget that those miniature nosy roommates won't be leaving the house anytime soon unless you set up something for them to do elsewhere. Just wait until your partner's kids start banging on the door in the middle of the night, that's when you'll really love them.

2. Other people's kids suck.

We won't say that your significant other's kid sucks, we're just pointing out that a lot of other people's kids suck. Even if your date has the coolest kid(s) in the world, dating someone with children means you're going to end up spending time with other people's children eventually, and they're probably not nearly as tolerable. It's a lot like having a dog. Your dog might be super chill, but some of the dogs you encounter are just going to be stinky little terrors. Kids are the same, except they can talk and have opposable thumbs.

1. Responsibility

When it comes right down to it, some people have a hard enough time keeping themselves alive. If you date someone with kids for long enough, you're eventually going to form a connection with the kid and have some level of responsibility for him/her. Taking care of a kid doesn't have to be a bad thing (it can be great practice for if/when you have one of your own), but it's not really something you should be willingly forced into. The bottom line is if you're going to enjoy the company of the parent for a while, you better be prepared, responsible, and mature enough to deal with semi-raising a child. Even if you're not looking to stick around for the long haul, everything you do could impact that kid in some way. You don't want to be responsible for one more crappy, ill-raised adult in this world (or on an episode of Cops).

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