When William Shatner talks, people tend to listen. Not just to make fun of his tendency to deliver dialogue in hammy fashion, mind you, but also because the erstwhile captain of TV's USS Enterprise has a penchant for amusing and self-aggrandizing quips.
Shatner's famous for his galaxy-sized ego as much as his legendary stint as James T. Kirk, which means whenever the 81-year-old gets quotes, he's generally dispensing some arrogance-laced bon mot about his legacy or sexual prowess with the opposite sex (green-skinned or otherwise). In honor of the Canadian-born actor bringing his one-man show Shatner's World to the Mesa Arts Center this weekend -- which is guaranteed to be filled with plenty of funny dialogue -- we've put together a baker's dozen of his most amusing or overblown quips.
13. The World According to Shatner "You have to create your life. You have to carve it, like a sculpture."
12. Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places "I live in California, but I was raised in Montreal. And yes, I've gone where no man has gone before, but I was in Mexico and her father gave me permission!"
11. Jim Dandy "We were basically one and the same, although Jim [Kirk] was just about perfect, and, of course, I am perfect.
10. Dropping Trou with Dignity "If you make a fool of yourself, you can do it with dignity, without taking your pants down. And if you do take your pants down, you can still do it with dignity."
9. Gotta Get Paid Somehow "Captain Kirk has been a source of pleasure and income for a long time. You'd be surprised how much work a guy can pick up doing stag parties and working his phaser."
8. Forever Young "How do I stay so healthy and boyishly handsome? It's simple. I drink the blood of young runaways."
7. Shatner, 1. Trekkies, 0. "I'd just like to say...GET A LIFE, will you people!?! I mean, for crying out loud, it's just a TV show! I mean, look at you, look at the way you're dressed. You've turned an enjoyable little job, that I did as a lark for a few years, into a colossal waste of time!"
6. Close Encounters "You really don't know what loving is, until you've gotten it from some chick wearing green body paint and plastic antennas!"
5. Set Phasers on Funny "The line between making a total ass of yourself and being fundamentally funny is very narrow."
4. Don't Stop Believing "I don't want people to know me. I want them to believe my version."
3. Getting Down on Camera "I always use a stunt double. Except in love scenes. I insist on doing those myself."
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2. Kirk Versus Picard "The advantage of being taller and then making love to a bald man is the pleasure in being able to see my self reflected off his head."
1. Rocket Man "Do you know who I am? I'm William Tiberius Shatner! Damn right! I've saved the universe hundreds of times. I've created characters that will stand the test of time. I've been to space...the final frontier."
William Shatner will perform his one-man show Shatner's World at 7:30 p.m. on Sunday, January 20, at Mesa Arts Center. General admission is $45.