Best Of Phoenix® 2011 Winners
Sports & Recreation
Metro Phoenix is an urban kayaker's dream — if you don't mind ignoring a few posted signs and are willing to drag your 'yak a couple of yards down to the shore, that is. Case in point, the lakes of Mesa's Dobson Ranch neighborhood. These pretty little canals loop around for several miles, giving pleasant views of nice homes and cute little parks. Technically, you're doing just a teensy-weensy bit of trespassing if you paddle without permission. And since you probably don't pay HOA dues, you don't, in the strictest sense, have permission. Don't be a sissy — so long as you don't appear to be casing the houses, no one is gonna notice you're poaching their water. Hey, it's not like this is the similarly devised 'hoods of The Lakes in Tempe or The Islands of Gilbert, where strangers can actually raise a few eyebrows. Folks are chill in the DOB, man. Drop in from one of the grassy parks tucked into corner lots along the snake-shaped lakes. If someone on a pontoon boat asks what you're doing, keep paddling. If they ask again, say you're visiting your friend Tom over on Javelina Street. What do you mean you don't know Tom? He used to be the president of the HOA. He draws a lot of water in these parts, buddy!
Residents of the 40-plus houses in the square formed at Weldon Avenue and Fairmount between 11th and 12th streets in Phoenix are hiding a secret. The subdivision, which opened in 1928, includes a three-acre private park in the square of land concealed by properties. The park originally housed a golf course, artisan well, tennis court, fireplaces, and a swimming pool made from native stone. The pool may be all that's left of the original plan, but the fact that most of Phoenix remains unaware of this hidden gem proves that the garden is still a safe, quiet, and secret place to play.
Sitting in a Valley watering hole sipping a few cold ones, it's hard to imagine that human beings not so different from us were here, doing things, hoping for things, dreaming of things long before we were ever around. Occasionally, we must stare history in the face to recognize how far we've come and, perhaps, realize how far we have to go. There's no better place to do this than the Holbert Trail at South Mountain Park. Here, petroglyphs inscribed in the living rock by Hohokam People centuries ago. See abstract depictions of animals and hunters. Many have attested to the petroglyphs' spiritual significance. We don't like to bring religion into things, but it's hard not to feel something (spiritual or otherwise) when one bears witness to evidence of those who came before us.
Best Not-So-Secret Garden
Secret Garden at Arizona State University
Long before urban scavenger hunts and geo-caching became popular, ASU had a built-in mystery search that was a rite of passage for coeds. In its early years, the location of the college's secret garden often remained a mystery until a student accidentally stumbled upon it while looking for a quiet place to study. But with the rumor-mill- slash-verbal-diarrhea-inducer that is the Internet, the secret garden started getting outed and, eventually, arrows indicating its location were spray-painted on sidewalks around the quad at Dixie Gammage Hall and West Hall. (Sorry, secret garden activists, but the jig is already up.) The mystery may be solved, but the grassy area, with its banana trees and passion fruit vines, is still beautiful, despite the now heavily trod lawn. And there still are secrets to be discovered within the garden's confines — for example, the white sapote trees have leaves that smell like fresh popcorn when scratched.
Whether you call it Hayden Butte, Tempe Butte, or "A" Mountain — all valid names, as far as we could tell from our research — this rock pile is sweet for the feet. If you live in Tempe or south Scottsdale, this is the closest you can to an experience that's in the same ballpark as Camelback Mountain or Piestewa Peak, the two most popular Valley mountains for hiking. But beyond the great workout and momentary escape to something akin to nature, hike this one for the scenic view — especially at night. Looking northeast, the bathtub-like Town Lake and vehicle lights on Loop 202 resemble a moving diorama of some futuristic dome-town, like a scene from the 1970s sci-fi movie Logan's Run. Later this year, the antenna and communications equipment at the top will be moved to the soon-to-be-finished West Sixth towers, formerly known as the Centerpoint Towers, which will give the peak a more natural feel. The big "A" will still be there — and still will change color every now and then. This year, not only did University of Arizona students paint the "A" red and blue again, but some folks excited about the death of Osama bin Laden turned the letter a patriotic red, white, and blue.
Best Place to Dig Dinosaurs
Arizona Museum of Natural History
This place is not the American Museum of Natural History — let's get that out of the way up front. Night at the Museum Part Whatever ain't gonna be filmed anywhere in Mesa. But for locals craving a quick trip to the Cretaceous and other dino-filled periods, the Arizona MNH simply roars. In "Dinosaur Hall," the skulls of triceratops' relatives and various skeletons do wonders for our sense of wonder — it's easy to forget these magnificent, strange creatures once lived on this planet. Each time we're there, we take at least half an hour to wander past "Dinosaur Mountain," the three-story dino-rama with a cool waterfall and large, animatronic T.rex, stegosaurus, and other lizard-like creatures, large and small. The kids think this exhibit is even better now that they're older and not scared of it. They still aren't too old for the Paleo Dig Pit, though, a nifty spot in which tykes sift through rocks to "discover" dino eggs and bones. If you want a close encounter with dinosaurs, the Mesa museum delivers everything but the bite marks.
Best Summer Jog
Parking garage southwest of Sun Angel Stadium
When the gates are open and there are no athletic events, we're among the members of the public who enjoy the free use of the Joe Selleh Track and bleachers of Sun Angel Stadium for a high-intensity workout. When that summer sun is high enough to fry the back of our neck, though, we also occasionally move part of that workout to the nearby four-story parking garage. A recent trip to the garage on a particularly oven-like July day found it completely devoid of vehicles — except for two Arizona State University Campus Police cruisers parked on the top level. As we jogged around the empty levels and up and down the wide ramps, the cops did nothing but glance at us — which we took as passive approval of our heat retreat. We never have been hassled in this garage before, either, but we recommend jogging there only when it's empty — both for the sake of being courteous to ASU and to avoid being run over by a motorist looking for a parking spot. Yeah, the temperature in the shade still soared over 100 during our recent run, even at 9 in the morning, but it was way more tolerable without those blistering waves of thermal radiation. And days like those, when we sleep through the early morning and can't put off the jog 'til evening, you'll find us in the garage.
Our knees just aren't what they used to be, but we still love the freedom and beauty of running on a surface that wasn't created by a steamroller. When we're not in the mood for the demanding ups and downs of some of the local single-track trails in desert parks, the dirt road leading west from the parking lot of Pima Canyon proves more than satisfying. A metal gate stops all motorized traffic from entering, but you may have to dodge a few fast-moving mountain bikes coming down the slope. And about that slope: It's gentle but relentless. It's just over a mile from the parking lot to the trailhead of National Trail, though the incline and uneven terrain makes it seem longer. Enough rocks and divots exist to force us to pay attention to the trail — this isn't a sidewalk but that means it's working our muscles better than an ordinary jog would. Coming back, the grade isn't steep enough to punish our joints — much. We've used this two-mile-plus workout, done frequently over a multi-week period, to prime ourselves for the Grand Canyon, Humphreys Peak, and other hearty Arizona challenges.
We'll admit — Goldfield isn't for everyone. But if you are the type of person who loves a little kitsch, then you might find a place in your heart for the campy town of Goldfield. According to our tour guide, the tourist trap was once a booming mining town — until one of the most productive mines in the West was flooded. (Unless you had some high-tech scuba equipment, there was no way you were pulling gold outta there.) Learn all about the workings of the mines and the demise of the town after you travel, via a bumpy elevator ride, into the cool mine shaft below. Once underground, your gritty prospector will take you on a journey through the cavernous tunnel, where you will learn all about life in a mine. Be sure to watch the little kids' faces as the "widowmaker" and the "honeybucket" are explained. Those priceless looks alone are worth every penny of the $5 tour. Don't forget to tip the prospector — without him you would just be wandering around a boring hole in ground.
There's something exciting about coming across the remnants of a human settlement while on a long hike through an otherwise barren landscape. Who lived here? Why this spot? Where'd they go? How the hell did they get up all that stuff up here? In the case of the abandoned ranch just off the Willow Springs Trail through the White Tank Mountains on the Valley's western edge, at least one of these questions is easy to answer. The men who settled here — from the looks of it, cattle ranchers — picked the shadiest spot around, near a deep spring. The White Tanks are named for the granite pools that collect water on their face, reserves that have drawn human inhabitants for thousands of years, as demonstrated by the petroglyphs that line these peaks like graffiti in a rail yard, left by the seven villages of Hohokam who once settled here. Yet this little riparian spot is still uniquely captivating. Barbed wire, several long rock fences, a rusty water tank, and the ruins of what looks like a house give a glimpse into the hardscrabble lives of the people who settled this town before the advent of air conditioning and 10-lane freeways. Explore for a bit before heading back down into society — or moving on to The Black Rock Trail, which takes you to less-preserved Indian ruins.
Beginning each spring and continuing until the temperatures really start to climb in the summer, thousands of bats migrate to the so-called "Phoenix Bat Cave" near the Arizona Biltmore. The "cave" is actually a Maricopa County Flood Control ditch, but it has the proper temperatures and protection for these tiny flying creatures. During bat season, visitors to the cave (which is marked by a plaque from the Arizona Department of Game & Fish) can see dozens of bats flying out at dusk, hunting insects. There are two types of bats who make their home here: the western pipistrelle, which is the smaller of the two groups and the first to fly out of the cave in the evenings in fluttery flight patterns, and the Mexican free-tailed bat, which is a female colony that comes to the cave to birth and raise their young (the highest number are believed to be in the cave in July and August). Accessing the cave requires parking near 40th Street and Camelback, then walking along the north side of the Arizona Canal for about half a mile. The entrance to the cave is behind Phoenix Country Day School, north of the canal.
It's easy to see why Camelback Mountain has some of the most popular trails in the Valley, as the top of the red sandstone "hump" provides an unparalleled view of Phoenix. Most people are familiar with the Echo Canyon trail, but we like the slightly easier Cholla Trail. We say slightly easier because while you'll still end up sweating like a whore in church, it's a bit less steep. The last eighth of a mile before the summit does require a bit of rock scrambling — so leave Rover at home if you plan on reaching the top. And whatever you do, bring plenty of water and know your limits. Hiking should be fun, not harrowing. Nobody wants to be the dingbat who gets airlifted off Camelback.
For most folks, an alley cat is that annoying feline that roots through your garbage and causes endless caterwauling at all hours of the night. For local cyclists or riders of fixed-gear two-wheelers, however, alley cats are under-the-radar urban bike races that are ultra-competitive and ultra-fun. Best described as a cycling scavenger hunt, alley cat races feature riders zipping around a certain area of the Valley as fast as their muscular legs can carry them in between various checkpoints. These events usually feature a theme, as well as pimp after-parties, where the winners are toasted and the losers get roasted. Due to their quasi-legal and DIY nature, alley cats are announced on the down-low. In fact, the only way you can find out about the next race is by checking out local cycling message board AZ Fixed. Populated by local cyclists and fixed-gear aficionados, the site is also a place to learn of more subdued jaunts like a weekly ride by the Tempe Bicycle Action Group or the Critical Mass excursion on the final Friday of every month. As one AZ Fixed user by the name of Zap states, the site's raison d'être is simple: "It's all about having a good ol' time on your bike."
Best Hike Through the Heart of the City
Christiansen Trail #100 to North Mountain Park
Phoenix's city park system is one of the largest and best in the world, and the Christiansen Trail gives a nice crash course on what it has to offer. This marathon 10.7-mile trail stretches the width of the Phoenix Mountains Preserve, from Tatum Boulevard on the east to Seventh Avenue on the west. You'll traverse much of the city on foot — mostly off the grid, with a few glimpses into posh neighborhoods. It's thrilling, and a little odd, to be in the middle of the sixth-largest city in the country yet totally immersed in the outdoors. Though the trail's long, there is only about 200 feet of elevation gain, so it's also pretty easy. Don't worry about playing Frogger on busy roads, either, as you'll take tunnels under State Route 51, Cave Creek Road, and Seventh Street. We recommend starting early at the tiny eastern trailhead at Tatum and Tomahawk so you begin the day looking up at Camelback before making your way west, slipping around Piestewa Peak and over toward North Mountain. The scenery gets less impressive as you head west. Arrange a ride from the other side after you've ended in a developed city park with restrooms and full cell coverage.
Best Thing to Do By the Light of the Silvery Moon
McDowell Mountain Ranch Longboard Rides
Imagine surfing, but picture doing it downhill on a hard, smooth surface at speeds up to 55 miles per hour. In the dark. With a bunch of other people flying down the hill around you. In a nutshell, that's downhill longboarding in the Valley, where rides and timed races take place every month during the full moon at McDowell Mountain Ranch.Longboarding was developed on the West Coast in the 1950s and requires the use of a wheeled board that is generally up to 59 inches long. The downhill aspect, in which riders fly downhill as fast as they can while trying to maintain control of the board, has a large following in Phoenix but has stayed pretty quiet while growing over the past two years. Anywhere from a dozen to 25 people participate in the full-moon rides, as well as at downhill longboarding events at South Mountain, but the events are so under wraps that they're almost impossible to catch. (In fact, they eluded the Best Of team all summer!) The full-moon rides at McDowell Mountain Ranch are organized by former NAU student Ryan Chopko, who announces monthly events only to members of a longboarding group on Facebook. He says the moonlit rides are "pretty intense.""It's dark. There's not much light, except the light from the full moon. And we move down the hill really, really fast," Chopko says. Generally, boarders meet at a location near McDowell Mountain Ranch around 9:30 p.m. Riders are shuttled to the top of a hill and dropped off. Speeds are clocked by timekeepers at the top and bottom of the hill, and if everybody's pitched in some money, winners can get prizes. (Chopko generally asks for a $5 buy-in per boarder.)You can only keep a good secret for so long. What started as an underground event is quickly moving into the mainstream. "Our full moon event is . . . becoming so well known it almost doesn't require advertisement," Chopko says. "Which is so crazy to me, because two years ago, it was something so small and private. No one knew what the heck it was."
Best Hike in Immigrant-Smuggling Territory
Table Top Mountain Wilderness
Until a couple of years ago, online trip reports about the two main trails cutting through the 34,400-acre Table Top Mountain Wilderness area detailed nothing but the pleasures of hiking in the rugged, cactus-filled terrain located 20 miles or so south of Maricopa. These days, it's more common to hear warnings about the federal preserve. "I'd be very careful," a ranger with the Bureau of Land Management's field office tells us (you can call them at the number listed above) when we inquire about a planned trip to wilderness within the now-infamous Vekol Valley, south of Interstate 8. Not only do signs warn outdoors enthusiasts that they're entering an area rife with human- and drug-smuggling activity, but earlier this year, the BLM completed work on a 1.3-mile "Normandy-style" vehicle barrier between the Table Top Wilderness and the northern edge of the Tohono O'odham reservation. Many illegal immigrants and their guides filter through the BLM land every year, often using the distinct Table Top Mountain as a navigational guide. Gun battles are not uncommon. No hikers have been messed with — yet. We're holding off on the summit trail hike until we find a small herd of fellow risk-takers willing to accompany us.
Best Place for Info on Arizona Caves and Caving
Arizona Cave Survey
There are more than 1,600 documented caves in Arizona, and much of that documentation has come from Arizona Cave Survey, a group of caving enthusiasts who've built up an impressive library and database on the subject. The library consists of books, maps, photos, and even a cave location GIS system, making it an incredible resource for cave researchers. From Lava River Cave in northern Arizona to Colossal Cave in Tucson, ACS has all the information a researcher needs. But novices beware: ACS is also concerned with the preservation of our state caves and will not give out cave locations to the general public, referring inexperienced cavers to local chapters of the National Speleological Caving Clubs for some background and education first. But seasoned cavers who contact them might get some assistance (after their references are checked), and provided they're not looking to explore a "sensitive" cave — i.e., a cave that may be hazardous or is easily damaged, for which ACS divulges no information.
Best Hike to See the Sonoran Desert
Spring Valley Trail, Hells Canyon Wilderness
Despite the hellacious name of this wilderness area just north of Lake Pleasant, the Spring Valley Trail is a kid-friendly hike, according to some Internet guides. We found it well defined and maintained, but it's not all that cushy, thanks to the climbs into and out of the many arroyos, or desert washes. From Lake Pleasant Drive or Highway 74, take Castle Hot Springs Road north a short way to the trailhead parking lot. Most people end their hike in one of the washes about 2.5 miles from the start, though would-be explorers can bushwhack down the wash or elsewhere. Even if you go in only a mile or so, you'll have a quintessential desert experience that pulls you into a pristine wonderland of healthy-looking saguaros, cholla, palo verdes, wildflowers (in February), and other desert flora. The place was a regular Serengeti on our outing: We encountered several wild burros, range cattle, and — best of all — a fully grown desert tortoise nestled in a shady cubbyhole of dried mud. We left him alone, as you should do if you find him or his siblings. No doubt, other Sonoran creatures — like rattlesnakes — can be found in this still-wild spot, so keep your finger on the shutter button. And get ready to run like hell.
No visible tattoos, ironic Western shirts, or chunky-framed nerd glasses here. The three men sitting around Pete's living room are into bikes, but they're not fixie hipsters. Pete and Ed ran rivers long ago. Pete and Jordan met on Craigslist. The three form the nucleus of a loose, off-the-retail-grid network of cycling aficionados in metro Phoenix who buy, sell, and trade with each other. It's a web of enthusiasts who love to build classic bikes and often need classic parts that aren't made anymore.
In 1985, Pete participated in a ride from the Grand Canyon to Mexico. In what would become a defining moment, a guy on an orange 1972 Schwinn Paramount rolled by.
"I was on a shiny new Trek. I caught up to him, and I wanted to talk to him about his bike." Pete pauses before sheepishly offering a truth: "I hated my bike.
"Pete immediately started looking for a Schwinn Paramount, bought a frame and built it, then he found an Italian bike, then an English Raleigh Professional. Now he's acquired or built about 60 bikes, although he hasn't purchased a brand-new bike since 1985.
Jordan rides 12 miles each way to and from work each day. He grew up riding top-of-the-line mountain bikes in Oregon. One day, he spotted a pearl white Peugeot in an impound lot, paid $25 for it, then took it out on a canal in Eugene, where he had more fun than he'd ever had riding. "I was so happy with that bike, I bought three others that week."
The bikes they love are lugged-construction, steel-frame, and vintage bikes, and no garage sale or alley is beneath them. Craigslist functions as their virtual hangout. Friday nights mean combing listings, and when they convene, the first question thrown out is, "Did you see [awesome find]!?
"What's out there enables Pete, Jordan, and Ed to operate as a super-secret bike gang. Pete built a bike for a friend who heading off to college in August. He thought he'd found the perfect frame — a vintage, purple-pink '70s Japanese model, but the size was off. Then he stumbled upon a frame that really was perfect. Jordan ended up donating the stem and handlebars.
"It's part recycling ethic," adds Ed. "We salvage or rebuild. Bikes mean something to us.
"The same word of mouth that enables so much of their treasure-finding brings people into their underground world, too. "I'm known in this small neighborhood as a person who can fix your bike. A neighborhood should be a place where people do things for other people. We're a little bit of a socialist neighborhood," Pete says with a laugh.
Ed nods in recognition. He's the same guy in his neighborhood. Later, out in Pete's workshop, Pete runs his fingers lovingly over the lugged construction on several of the frames in his collection, pointing out the meticulous filing and metalwork. "Oh, here's that Schwinn Paramount," he rests his hand on its leather saddle, transported to some past ride. Jordan and Pete ride right along with him.
To see a slideshow of the bike-part collective,visit www.phoenixnewtimes.com/bestof2011.
Petroglyph hikes are always about the payoff of seeing some great rock art. This spot has not only an entire wall of fantastic, accessible glyphs, but allows you to boulder over ancient Hohokam grain-grinding stones and up to an old cave shelter. Hieroglyphic Trail is a moderately easy 1.5-mile hike up (i.e, three miles round-trip) into the mouth of a slot canyon on the south wall of the Superstitions on the outskirts of Gold Canyon. The trail starts at the edge of typical suburban sprawl but quickly takes hikers away into the wilderness, ending at the petroglyph site, where a small stream flows six months of the year. Be sure to pack a lunch and a camera, as you'll want to explore for a while.
Considering the Valley's largest body of water is the man-made Lake Pleasant, scuba diving in Phoenix sounds sorta stupid. But just because there's nowhere in our great desert metropolis that even vaguely resembles Galapagos, that doesn't mean Phoenicians can't band together, learn how to dive, and then get their scuba on anywhere in the world. And Phoenix Scuba makes it happen. In addition to retail shops that carry all kinds of scuba gear, Phoenix Scuba offers classes with experienced diving instructors (most often conducted in a swimming pool), and certifications in scuba diving after an excursion into the deep waters of the aforementioned Lake Pleasant. And once you've got your gear and bearings, Phoenix Scuba offers package-deal diving trips to places like Fiji, Mexico, and Honduras. Sounds pretty smart to us.
Heat exhaustion is never too far away during summer hikes in the Sonoran Desert, but we're not the type to sit at home for five months out of the year. On most local hikes, the only relief from the oven we call the outdoors comes in a bottle (we're talking ice water, not dehydrating booze). But the trek we're here to tell you about features not only a lake perfect for a post-hike dip, but a Shangri-La-esque waterfall to stand under. The one thing it doesn't have is an actual cave, though (Brown's Cave is just an overhang). There are two ways to get there: Go to Apache Lake, launch a boat, and find the mouth of Alder Creek, on the north shore near the west end of the lake. (Depending on the lake water level, this area also provides a fantastic sandy beach for camping or hanging out.) Hike up the rugged canyon about a half-mile to the waterfall; the overhang is a bit farther. The second option requires knowledge of dirt roads that spur off the Four Peaks turnoff from Highway 87 north of Mesa, which is Forest Road 143. Check the Internet or a hiking guide to find the six-mile-long 4 x 4 road that goes to the Cane Spring Trailhead and Alder Trail. The latter takes you to the "cave," waterfall, and Apache Lake. Splashdown.
Best View from the Trail
Top of the Flatiron on Superstition Mountain
Like hiking Camelback Mountain? You're going to love the Siphon Draw trail up Superstition Mountain. This trail is like Camelback on steroids and offers a spectacular view from the Flatiron — the high, flat area at its western face. The steep, boulder-strewn trail departing from Lost Dutchman State Park in Apache Junction is a toughie. Though well traveled, this trail is technically "unofficial" and marked only by friendly hikers using cairns and blazes of white spray paint. The trail rises 3,000 feet in 3.2 miles, double the length and height of the Camelback summit trails, so if you can't make it to the top of Camelback in less than an hour on a cool day, you'd probably be better off sitting this one out. If you can do it, you should. It's a pretty trip, offering lots of red rock, big trees, and slick rock gulleys you'd half-expect to see someone skateboarding across. By the end, you'll be literally climbing this mountain, but the payoff is so worth it: a vista across the East Valley, with Phoenix's twin-cluster skyline and the comparatively short city peaks in the distance. Four Peaks looms to the north; the rest of the Supes range is to the east. Linger a while and enjoy the view — the trip down will be rough, too.
We all know it is a good idea to get outside for a hike, especially when the weather in Phoenix is nice. But if you are not a hiker in the rough and rugged sense, then there is a special place for you, too. Feel as though you are hiking in the Sonoran Desert as you stroll through the blooming flowers along the Desert Botanical Garden's wildflower trail. This place is a treasure in our own backyard, and there is no reason to save it for your out-of-town guests. Get out there and soak up some desert for yourself, without all the equipment and stuff.
Okay, so the bottom floor of this longtime videogame palace is, technically, more like a sunken living room than an actual underground arcade. But for generations of gamers, it's also a time machine dressed up in a cheesy castle coating. Sure, there's a sprinkling of high-tech driving and first-person-shooter games, but the reason this place blows Dave & Buster's out of the water is the world-class collection of vintage arcade games. We're talking all-time classics like Pac-Man, Donkey Kong, and the original Star Wars, as well as forgotten gems such as Joust, Moon Patrol, 1942, and Ivan "Ironman" Stewart's Super Off Road. Not to mention more than two dozen classic and contemporary pinball machines and all the old-school air hockey action you can handle. Feathered hair and acid-washed jeans are suggested but not required.
Every year, hundreds of thousands of people hike the summit trail of Piestewa Peak in Phoenix — but stop short of the real summit. The vast majority who complete the steep, 1.2-mile Summit Trail turn around after reaching a lesser prominence, located about 30 feet lower. We consider this poor style. What if Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay had stopped 30 feet short of the summit of Mount Everest in 1953 and said, "Screw it — we're close enough!" Besides, scrambling up to the actual summit is easy and fun. No climbing rope is needed, but you'll have to use your hands. Instead of bearing left to the mound of pointy rocks with most of the hikers, follow the short chute right and straight up. We also enjoy taking a second route, which involves picking your way up and over the boulders leading from the hikers' summit. At the tippy-top, you'll see the U.S. Geological Survey medallion embedded in the rock that marks the true 2,608-foot summit, plus you'll find a nugget of solitude.
For now, a tentative plan is on hold that would turn the legendary Oak Flats area just east of Superior into a $60 billion mining pit the size of Meteor Crater. What does that mean for you? If the weather is anything resembling cool, throw some day-camping gear in the cruiser and get ready to enjoy a rock-climbing picnic. Just exploring the maze-like canyons strewn with giant rocks is fun, but climbers find the place a paradise of bouldering problems waiting to be solved. No rope is needed — just your rock shoes and chalk bag. Hundreds of short routes featuring overhangs, pocket-lined fines, and ultra-crimpers abound; the climbing area developed, in large part, from years of hosting the now-defunct Phoenix Bouldering Contest. If you're too tired to drive the two hours back to the Valley after a full day of blowing out your forearms amid the tree-and-cactus-filled wonderland, you can spend the night — for free — at the adjacent Oak Flats Campground. Wait too long to visit, and the whole place might be rubble.
Many climbers write off Camelback as nothing more than a pile of "choss," a.k.a. crumbly crap-rock. Yet it's really stunning how few harnessed adventurers come out to get high (naturally) in the Phoenix park that contains the pyramid-shaped pink mountain and surrounding slice of the Sonoran Desert. Yes, the rock quality, being composed of prehistoric mud, is poorer than the granite you'll find at Pinnacle Peak in Scottsdale or the volcano-born stone in the Superstition Mountains. But there are major upsides: the super-convenient, central Valley location, the abundance of routes, the 300-foot-plus height of some of the climbs, and the area's sheer beauty. The handholds and footholds on the most popular routes are solid (true, there are no guarantees), and anchors for your rope often bombproof. From the spooky, hang-it-all-out moves on the three-pitch Ridge Route to the classic southeast face of the Praying Monk formation, the cliff climbs in the Camel's Head area offer easy-to-get-to thrills for vertical-minded visitors.
If you want to develop fingertips that work like steel hooks, there's no better place to do it than at the Phoenix Rock Gym in Tempe. We're ashamed to say that we've occasionally let months go by without a visit, but we've belonged to PRG since it opened in 1992 and we always find our way back. We love the people who work there, as well as the regulars and the newbies who try to claw their way to the top of the 30-foot walls. When our climbing partners can't go, we make the veins in our hands and forearms pop out on the two world-class bouldering walls, which don't require the use of ropes. Well before the place starts to look too familiar or grows boring, new paint goes up on the walls and holds get switched around in a most satisfying way. How these guys figure out how to make the perfect 5.10 for us, we don't know — but they do and, in the process, facilitate a climbing experience that makes us forget, for a moment, that we actually prefer to be outside. When we do hit real-world rock — a rarer occasion now that we've got kids — the practice we have at the rock gym makes for a much more confident, Spider-Man-like adventure. Oh, and those kids? Thanks to PRG, they went straight from diapers to diaper harnesses.
Best Place to Learn About Backyard Pump Tracks
Rage Cycles
Remember when we used to dream about draining the pool so we could drop in on our BMX bike and ride the walls? Now, it's all about carving up the back lawn and creating a miniature single-track trail that winds through the yard complete with banks, berms, and jumps. The trick is riding through the course without making a single pedal stroke. That's right, all the forward power is generated by pumping the bike through the turns and over the humps. The problem is, where are these private tracks? All over the Valley, it turns out, but good luck finding them. To get a taste — and tips on how to DIY — head over to Rage Cycles in Scottsdale and try a run on the course tucked behind the shop.
Most cyclists are willing to punish themselves up a climb for the reward of the thrilling descent. The road to Bartlett Lake is just the opposite. Just before Cave Creek Road ends, Bartlett Dam Road cuts through the desert to the east, winding its way 14 miles down to a remote lake fed by the Verde River. The descent is broken into two sections, with a small climb in the middle, and the final stretch is down a straight-as-an-arrow screamer (watch those brakes). After cooling off at the marina store, settle in for a hard grind back out. And beware riding this in the heat, as it is panhandle-hot down there.
In a place filled with oversize pickups and SUVs operated by phone- and makeup-distracted motorists, riding on the Valley's streets can be intimidating. Fortunately for local pedal pushers, the Arizona Canal path between Granada Park (at 20th Street and Lincoln Drive) and 67th Avenue lays out gloriously unthreatened and uninterrupted for nearly 10 miles each way. The path rolls under every street it intersects with (save two, currently) and does continue west to 75th Avenue and east to the Wrigley Mansion, but the main section of the Arizona Canal truly is as car-free as it gets in Phoenix.
The Fantasy Island North Singletrack, a.k.a. F.I.N.S., is one of the best E-ticket roller-coaster trails in town, and it is perfect for riders of any skill level. It's actually a trail network that sits on private land and is maintained by locals who have it signed and rated to perfection. The trails essentially circle and ride over two buttes, with each trail leading back to the other. Every section of trail is rated on difficulty, from cake to wicked, and named so riders can easily track where they are. Any F.I.N.S. ride must finish off with a pass down Superman Swoop, through Joey's Jaunt, for a sweet section of rollers and dips that will have everyone yelling, "Let's do that again!"
No matter how hot it gets, it doesn't feel like summer when we're riding our mountain bike at night around Papago Park. Within minutes of pumping the pedals over the trails, we're covered in sweat from head to toe. And that means wind-chill. Instead of 111, it feels like a gorgeous 85 or so. Papago's trails are conducive to the effect because of the constant up-and-down, rollercoaster-like single track. One of the great things about summertime night rides at Papago is the ability to make the ride as long or short as you want. The criss-crossing trails, when you connect them, make for miles of different track. But if you've cranked too hard and feel on the verge of heatstroke, you can always shoot out on the long, winding downhill of Galvin Parkway for a blast of evaporative cooling. Although you may never feel like you're in the wilderness in Papago, the dark hills feel secluded at night, even if you can see cars going by on McDowell Road at the park's northern border. Best of all, you're right in the middle of town, making it easy to go out for a well-deserved beer in Phoenix, Scottsdale, or Tempe to wash the grit from your mouth.
Best Place to Ride Your Bike Among Lions, Tigers, and Bears
Phoenix Zoo
Our Phoenix Zoo membership has served us well for years, but our visits were becoming less frequent in the past couple of years as the kids grew older. From the exhibits to the splash playground to the carousel, we've been there and done that — a lot. But this year, we decided to take the Phoenix Zoo up on its standing offer to bring our bicycles. (Rollerblades, skateboards and Razor scooters still aren't allowed.) Just like that, the zoo became a fresh experience. Our littlest still can't manage a two-wheeler — she rides along in the bike trailer as the big one zips around on her BMX bike. We fly down the hills and through the covered bridge on the way to the petting zoo, careful not to run over pedestrians, of course. We see more animals in a half-hour than we could have in two hours on foot. And the kids like the cool factor: While almost no one else is riding their own bikes, we often hear the people we pass say something like, "Hey, look at that. Let's bring our bikes next time." Our advice, based on the smiles we've seen: Do it.
We didn't give much credence to the scare factor of a haunted house that's attached to one of those costume stores that pop up right around Halloween — in a vacant strip mall, natch. But after a half-hour at the Haunting, we exited the building feeling as though we'd been through a new and improved Disneyland ride. The sets here are over the top: There's a full-scale haunted graveyard and mansion, featuring creep-tastic live dancers doing "the thriller," a pirate ship complete with drunken Johnny Depp look-alike, and a madhouse where screams, wheelchair creaks, and flashing strobe lights will threaten your sanity. Be forewarned; the hell-raising staff isn't afraid to split your party up, leaving you to face chainsaw- and butcher knife-wielding fiends alone in the dark. This year, the 60,000-square-foot attraction is called "13th Floor," and it's been open since September 23, along with its San Antonio counterpart.
As far as we're concerned, you can do entirely too many (formerly private) things at the mall these days. Recently, we noticed you can get your eyebrows shaped, your feet massaged, and your ears (or something else) pierced — all at a mall kiosk, while droves of people watch! That's just wrong. But there's one relatively new addition to the mall scene that we embrace wholeheartedly: the carousel. At a handful of Valley malls, usually near the food court, you can take yourself (or your kids) for a good, old-fashioned ride in the kind of air-conditioned splendor you're not going to get at the state fair, which usually lands here long before summer's really ended. The best carousel in town, as far as we're concerned, is the one at Superstition Springs Center. It's the only double-decker around, we're told, meaning Junior's view from atop that zebra is going to reach all the way to Dillard's. The hand-painted animals are beautiful, the ladies running the ride are sweet (even when we paid a half-dozen times in a row), and just sitting here thinking about it makes us want to head down the U.S. 60 for a spin. Make sure you hit the food court after you're done, to avoid seeing that Dairy Queen Blizzard for a second time.
Best Free Place for a Kids' Outdoor Birthday Party
Scottsdale Civic Center Mall
Throwing a party on a budget but want a cool location? How about right behind the Scottsdale Civic Center library, a stone's throw from the Scottsdale Center for the Arts and Scottsdale Museum of Contemporary Art? Grab a spot right by Louise Nevelson's Windows to the West sculpture.This is a no-reservation, first-come, first-squat location. There are some picnic tables, but you can also haul in your own tables and chairs for the day. The entire area is surrounded by grass, so kids can play games on the lawn and burn off all the birthday cake they've consumed. Crafty!
Best (Almost) Free Place for a Kids' Indoor Birthday Party
Michaels Arts and Crafts
Got a kid on your hands who loves arts and crafts and wants you to play art teacher for their birthday? If you're not up to all that glue and glitter in your house, book a party at your local Michaels Arts and Crafts store. The classroom is totally free for birthdays; you need only buy the craft materials on site. They'll even assign you a staff person to help during the crafting party, and you can bring in cake and juice. Crafty!
Best Place to Rent a Hula Dancer for Your Kid's Birthday Party
La Fiamma Entertainment
Are you the kind of person who likes hula girls? How about hula girls at a kids' birthday party? Well, we are — on both counts. Something for Daddy, something for a backyard filled with 20 little girls. And these aren't a bunch of middle-aged white ladies trying to work off unwanted pounds. They are the real thing. The young lady who came to our house in the spring, decked out in full hula-girl regalia, was a Valley transplant from Hawaii who brought her own music for us to play on our outdoor stereo system. And she delighted the little girls, whom we had supplied with inexpensive grass skirts from a party store, for an hour, teaching them the fun points of the Polynesian art form. Some mastered the dancing better than others, but they all had a giggles-galore good time before birthday cake was served. And hula isn't the only dance style available from Phoenix's La Fiamma Entertainment. The company also employs carnival, samba, Bollywood, modern, and fire dancers for all types of parties. Price for our dancer was $200 for the first hour, and $50 for each additional half-hour (we found that an hour and a half was plenty of time for a yard full of 5- and 6-year-olds). Included in that price for our party was the cost of materials for lei-making. You've got to supply your own roasted pig.
Who knew there was a 12,000-square-foot wedding facility in historic downtown Chandler? Located in the town's walking district, this massive — yet, somehow, quaint — facility offers brides a blank canvas to create their dream wedding in an air-conditioned facility that isn't a boring hotel or resort. If you have a theme in mind, this place is perfect, because there is nothing to get in your way — in terms of décor — and interrupt the flow of your tattoo- or elegant lace-themed wedding. This site is beautiful without forcing you to take on their decorating.
Entirely too often, "boutique hotel" translates to "grungy old hotel with a flimsy new façade and icky rooms." Not at Hotel Valley Ho, built circa 1956, which underwent an extensive top-to-bottom renovation several years ago and emerged smelling like an Icelandic moonflower (really — it's the hotel's "signature scent"). From the lobby entryway to the booths tucked in the back of Café ZuZu, the hotel restaurant, the attention to detail is stunning and the scene Midcentury Modern years before the trend truly caught on. If you can tear yourself away from the 32-inch flatscreen TV in your funky room (bright red couches, striped green chaises), schedule an architectural tour of the property — or just relax by the lovely pool, no brainpower required.
The lush setting of this boutique resort can make you forget, even if only for a moment, that you are still in Phoenix. The 119-room resort sits against beautiful Camelback Mountain in the shadow of the overly extravagant Phoenician. The laid-back resort and spa is all about luxury and customer service — the staff is noted for being extremely friendly and helpful without being pretentious or overbearing. Once you settle into your private retreat off the vintage 1929 building, it's going to be difficult to leave. Each room is dripping with class and boasts some of the most comfortable beds in the metro Phoenix area. Muster up the strength to leave your room for a stroll around the meticulously maintained grounds or a glass of wine in the courtyard.
If you're just looking to swim in some treated water, any hotel pool in the Valley will do. But if you're looking for a bona fide swimming experience — complete with multi-sensory special effects — then the Clarendon's pool is the only place to go. This boutique hotel's got the most impressive pool area in town, "The Oasis." In addition to being a work of art, complete with a 20-foot-tall glass water wall and a Sicis Italian mural with platinum and gold accents, the pool is state of the art. It features underwater speakers, water jet massagers, a jacuzzi that accommodates more than 50 people, and bubbling fountains. At night, the pool looks particularly majestic, as nearly a thousand stars become illuminated on the pool bottom. If that doesn't sound hedonistic enough for you, there's also a bar inside that serves fine wine and offers free Wi-Fi, so you can surf the Net for naughty pictures. But we have a feeling that the pool will get your undivided attention.
Ron and Nancy Reagan honeymooned there. Irving Berlin wrote "White Christmas" by the pool. John McCain and Sarah Palin chose the Arizona Biltmore as the spot to concede the 2010 presidential race. Now you can stay there, too. No, really. We know what you're thinking: The Biltmore's way too pricey. But come summertime, the place empties out like nobody's business — and that's when the Biltmore wants yours. So make a reservation, pack a bag, and point the family station wagon straight to paradise. The rooms are big, the halls are wide, and the place is empty, so no one cares if your kids gallumph all over the place. A complex of several pools — with, most important, poolside cocktail service and even a swim-up bar for the grownups — features a stomach-churning slide and plenty of space to float. Best of all, the stars come out and a screen goes up at night, and the kids can float in the hotel's giant inner tubes and watch movies while you veg out on chaise lounges. In the morning, the kids can romp on the super-green grass while you grab coffee and pastries or something fancier. Go ahead — you deserve it.
You could go to any casino to gamble, really — a slot machine's a slot machine, right? That may be true, but Wild Horse Pass offers a lot more than just roulette wheels and card tables. In addition to keeping its slots up to date with the latest models from companies like IGT and Aristocrat, Wild Horse has 25 poker tables, 46 blackjack tables in five pits, and more than 30 big-screen TVs (for those who like to be distracted with televised sports and such). And if gambling's not your bag, the live entertainment offered at the casino's Ovations LIVE! Showroom is pretty impressive, too: Just this year, it's hosted shows by America; Blood, Sweat, and Tears; The Turtles; and Kenny Loggins. Throw in promotions like Ladies' Night (Thursdays), prizes for liking the casino on Facebook, and redeeming Player's Club points for gas cards, and you've got a real winner.
Arizona has many special places, but we hold a special spot for this onetime copper-mining town turned tourist attraction that sits northeast of Prescott up the big hill from the Valley of the Sun. Our favorites in the quaint little town include the Asylum Restaurant, which is perched above the main drag and offers one of the best wine lists in the state, if that's your thing. Artisans peddle their wares on the street, eager to make a deal. Dozens of top-drawer artists show their stuff in more established venues (known as galleries). World-class glassblower Tracy Wiesel demonstrates his mastery in his studio directly behind the gorgeous Raku Gallery, which he and his wife, Nancy, own and operate. Wiesel is as quirky as the town itself — he's a former traveling salesman who still knows how to pitch with the best of 'em. We watched him create a colorful wine glass one day and returned the next morning to purchase it. Fun! Oh, and Jerome's average high temperature in July is about 90 degrees. Need we say more?
Best Activity for Out-of-Town Guests
Drive the Apache Trail
Drive along the Apache Trail to view one of the most scenic drives in the Phoenix area. For your out-of-town guests, this is a snapshot of desert living — without having to get out of the car. This trail offers visitors a view of canyons, geologic formations, desert plants, trees, flowers, the occasional critter, desert, and lake views. If your guests care to step out of the car, there are many enticing stops along the way, including museums, restaurants, ghost towns, lakes, and Roosevelt Dam. Don't forget to share the legend of Jacob Waltz (the Lost Dutchman) with your guests — maybe they'll want to pan for nuggets of gold during this day trip. Start your trip at Apache Junction Chamber of Commerce and pick up a brochure or two to keep the guests entertained once the drive is over.
Best Lake Camping
Rim Lakes, Woods Canyon Group Campground
There are many campgrounds to choose from in Arizona, and there are many lakes, surprisingly. The area of Rim Lakes at Apache Sitgreaves National Forest — Woods Canyon Group Campground specifically — is ideal because it is rustic and wooded. And just through the woods, along a path, is a stocked lake where boats can be rented and campers can become fishermen. The small store at the lake sells fishing equipment, and you can purchase a fishing license on-site.
Bummed you can't hit Slide Rock State Park because the fecal bacteria counts are too high? Not us. In fact, we won't dip a toe in Sedona's cesspool, even when the rangers say it's okay. Neither should you. Not as long as Arizona still has places like Fossil Springs to enjoy. The swimming hole on Fossil Creek north of Payson is fairly far from a trailhead or road, which is probably what helps keep this spot so pure — or at least free of used diapers. You might catch some teenagers sipping tallboys under the cottonwood trees that shade the rocks surrounding this cool, deep pool, but it's a little too far for most families hauling giant coolers — which is what keeps it nice and fairly clean. There's a back way, but we recommend the pleasant four-mile trail from the ridge down through the canyon. It's just outside Strawberry, so the drive is pretty short and the swim-in cave, which reminds us a little of the famed Playboy Mansion grotto, will impress even a true swimming-hole snob (read: the kind of person who wouldn't dare submerse themselves in the filthy waters of Sedona).
Best Place to Swim If You're Training for a Triathlon
McDowell Mountain Ranch Park and Aquatic Center
The way we figure it, the water in the small lap pool at our local gym must comprise at least 10 percent sweat. It looks relatively clean and gets the job done — our arms feel like strands of linguine after 70 laps. But who knows what's in that water? And don't get us started on Tempe Town Lake. In our quest to someday complete a triathlon, we love to work out at the eight-lane outdoor pool at the McDowell Mountain Ranch Park Aquatic Center. Every time we've been there, the pool clearly (get it?) has been sparkling clean and has an upscale sheen our crappy gym lacks. The view of the McDowell Mountains is stellar, and it's located near one of our favorite long bike rides, up the Beeline Highway to Bush Highway, making it a convenient place to cross-train. If we could just manage to add a run on top of one of those marathon workouts, we'd be ready for the big league.
Once the temperatures zoom above 100 degrees, parents start the summer scramble for what to do with the kids. The Splash Playground at Tempe's Town Lake meets their demand with gusto. The entrance to the playground welcomes with a metal circle of clouds that rains mist onto visitors. Thunder claps and lightning flashes. Waterfalls turn into streams and water rushes into canals. This splash pad is the best in town because it keeps the kids cool and offers education about the rain in the desert. A lifeguard-style attendant is on hand to help parents keep an eye on the kids around flowing water.
Years ago, having a large pool with a wave-maker and a slide or two was good enough to call yourself a "water park." But thanks to establishments like Golfland Sunsplash, modern water parks more resemble amusement parks, with a variety of rides and water slides seemingly engineered by thrill-seeking adrenaline junkies. Sunsplash boasts attractions like the Master Blaster Water Coaster, Thunder Falls (a raft ride that starts nearly seven stories high and features three huge drops), the Stormrider (a massive drop into the water from about 70 feet), and the Sidewinder (a half-pipe slide that allows riders to zip from one end of the bowl to another). Of course, there's the standard wave pool (all 450,000 gallons of it), but Sunsplash also offers a separate "activity pool" for water sports, a toddler pool for the wee ones, and even the Endless River (which ends after about 800 feet) for emulating tubing at the Salt River — minus the salt water, beer coolers, and rock-ravaged rear ends. With so many ways to get wet, why would we go anywhere else?
Desert West had a taste of the limelight when its 2011 PhxAM Skateboard Tournament aired on ESPN. But while cameras zoomed in on amateurs and professionals performing kick-ass kick-flips, manuals, and serious airtime, our eyes were stuck on the park's features — more than 25,000 square feet of skateboard-only curbs, bumps, hips, steps, and three full bowls. Sounds sick enough for national coverage, but the park scored big when local artists Thomas Marcus Breeze and Lalo Cota exhausted an army of spray paint cans when they canvassed the concrete with their signature interlocking designs and grinning skeletons. Now, that's a pretty sweet view — even if you're spending less time landing tricks and more time eating the painted pavement.
Summertime in Phoenix blows chunks, especially if your hobbies include skateboarding, biking — or, hell, any outdoor activity. That's why we love this new skate park, which includes 30,000 square feet of ramps, foam pits, bowl corners, and a coffee shop for sipping lattes after grinding the rails. The 30-foot Velcro wall is a little creepy (though we're betting there's a fetish for that), but kids and adults alike can bounce to their heart's delight on the full wall of trampolines. Even BMX racers and kids with Razor-style scooters can get in on the action with weekly nights devoted to their preferred modes of transport. Just one word of advice: Don't head to Xtreme Skate Park after eating, or the only thing that'll be coming up during a bounce session is your lunch.
Best Dog Park, East Valley
P. Ben Arredondo Sports Complex
This spot near Warner and Hardy roads was called the Tempe Sports Complex until this year, but our dog doesn't care. What he does know about the excellent dog park located within the 60-acre complex is that the drive takes longer than the trip to our usual park — and that it's worth the wait. The two-acre doggy park, unlike many such facilities, is open seven days a week and has been highly populated every time we've gone. That means the big galoot has plenty of buddies to slobber on him and play chase with. It also means there's more of a chance you'll meet someone who socializes with species other than canines.
Even though they're man's best friends, your fur babies can't survive on human affection alone. When Fido starts to crave a little doggy socialization, bring him to Foothills Dog Park, where he can sniff as many dog butts as his little nose desires. This off-leash grassy zone lets your precious pup romp with other friendly dogs — we've never encountered aggression problems here — while you socialize with like-minded dog lovers. Foothills Park offers plenty of shade for relief from sunny days, water to keep your dog hydrated, and an agility course if your pup is the next Lassie in the making. There's also plenty of seating, so you can kick up your own tired paws while Fido burns off some energy.
Playtopia at Tumbleweed Park in Chandler is a free place for families to romp, featuring a 2.5-acre playground and picnic area. For a good six months out of the year, this is a go-to spot for families looking for a good time. You'll find themed areas throughout, including Farm Land, City Land, and Critter Land. This is also a great place to drop off the kids with the grandparents, because there are photo ops at every turn.
Best Place to Jump Up and Down
Jumpstreet Indoor Trampoline Park
You know what's bullshit? Walking. Of all the evolutionary traits that could be insanely better, bipedal motion is right at the top of our list. That's why we literally jumped for joy when we stumbled upon Jumpstreet, an indoor trampoline park in Chandler. We're going to repeat that: an indoor trampoline park. Here, the limbs you once used merely as a mode of conveyance from place to place can have you ninja-flipping like some sort of acrobatic madman. Want a challenge? Jumpstreet also has trampoline dodgeball. Bounce to avoid a big, red ball to the face. Tigger won't have shit on you.
Best Place to Tag Someone with a Rubber Ball
AZ Dodgeball League
Hearing the word "dodgeball" may awaken nostalgic memories of the game played during recess in grade school. Well, recess is over, punk. The AZ Dodgeball League made sure of that. As part of the league, you can join up with ball-throwing maniacs just like you (on teams with names like "Ninja Please" and "Two in the Pink"). League play goes down at the Family Life Center in Mesa. Want to test the waters before committing to the full-on dodgeball lifestyle? Head to an open-gym night, when anyone can play for a small fee. If you think that AZ Dodgeball is only about the game, think again. After a few hours of slugging red balls at each other, AZ Dodgeball parties hard at drinking establishments that sponsor teams, such as Bogeys in Tempe.
The rules of Birdman are simple. First, make the "okay" sign with your index fingers and thumbs. Rotate your wrists outward and flip these rings over your eyes. These are your "goggles." If, while wearing your goggles, you make eye contact with a participating Birdman player (after they've agreed to play with a handshake) he or she must immediately lie down so that his or her back touches the ground. However, should the targeted player sense your attack, he or she may block your goggles with the "monocle," or one index finger and thumb ring pressed against an eye with the other fingers pointing up. The origins of Birdman are shrouded in mystery. Suffice it to say the game is catching on in Tempe. Flash your goggles at the wait staff at Boulders on Broadway and prepare for the inevitable counterattack.
If you happen to see a family of four dressed as video game characters or superheroes running down the sidewalks of Mill Avenue in Tempe, don't panic. The Arizona heat hasn't finally gotten to you. They likely are part of one of the off-kilter Urban Dare adventure races. Inspired by such reality TV competitions as The Amazing Race and offering cash prizes and free airfare, these twice-yearly costumed scavenger hunts require participants to don outlandish outfits and dash around Tempe and Phoenix. Meanwhile, they hunt for clues and complete a series of goofy challenges, like maybe a giant game of Jenga or jump-rope contest. Then again, they could just be a bunch of nutters who let the Arizona heat get to them. The next Valley event is scheduled for March 24, 2012.
This still-charming, vaguely futuristic building was designed in 1960 by Ralph Haver-influenced Pierson Miller Ware and Associates, a well-regarded architecture firm. It opened in 1962 with 32 lanes and a coffee shop that served a heaping plate of biscuits and gravy for 35 cents and packed in a crowd for the Friday-night fish fry. The former Northgate Bowl (which became Sunset Bowl sometime in the '70s) is a Sunnyslope fixture and looks the same (from the outside, anyway) as it did way back when. Even the wacky light-up sign with its pop-out letters is the same one erected in 1962, although new owners overhauled the interior in the '90s, adding lanes, a computer scoring system, a video arcade, a daycare, and a pro shop. But these improvements only make bowling at Let it Roll all the more fun for the whole family.
When local off-road racer "Pistol" Pete Sohren closed his Speedway indoor kart-racing business, Valley go-kart enthusiasts weren't left with many options — that is, until national chain K1 Speed opened a Phoenix location in the old Speedway building. Visitors can now enjoy all the medium-octane (45 miles per hour, max) excitement of whizzing around an indoor track on a go-kart — minus noxious exhaust fumes. All K1's karts are electric, which means you can race with a group of friends, and spectators won't have to shout at each other or gag on the smell of gas. As a company, K1 has credibility — professional racer Boris Said is a co-owner — and the tracks are designed to mimic those in NASCAR. Plus, the lobby is pretty pimp, all decked out in custom paintings of cars, chrome siding, and shiny arcade racing games, with plenty of black leather couches and chairs for resting after the big race.
This rugged road provides a challenge for quad riders and other off-highway vehicle enthusiasts, and it offers breathtaking views and a chance to discover remnants of Arizona's mining days. You can explore the area and see the stone houses occupied by early miners. Take I-10 west to the Salome Road exit and turn right. Turn right again on Eagle Eye Road and travel 8.5 miles to a dirt road that heads north toward a mountain summit. It's an amazing playground year-round, but especially welcoming in the fall, winter, and spring.
Best Off-Road Drive
Table Mesa Road, from Interstate 17 to Seven Springs Road
"I wish I was at the mall," our wife muttered as the Jeep tilted sideways, the doorless passenger's side showing nothing but rocks and earth. The nod to our studly 4x4-ing didn't go unappreciated, and we assured her the vehicle was far from tipping over. This was just one of several times she expressed regret for signing up for this tour, but at least one of us was having a great time. Driving from Interstate 17 to Seven Springs on Table Mesa Road (a.k.a. Forest Road 41) is one of those half-day Arizona adventures that should be experienced at least once by everyone with a high-clearance vehicle and a love for bumps. You could probably get a passenger car down this road, if you don't mind beating it up some. But for the minority of SUV owners willing to drive on dirt, Table Mesa offers an experience that falls neatly between extreme and boring. Exit I-17 just north of New River and head east. The few river crossings are nothing you can't handle (assuming no storms and flash-flooding). Stay on FR 41 until it merges with the southbound Seven Springs Road. You can go east-west, of course, but we found it charming to end the trail with the transition from the beautiful-but-austere Sonoran wilderness to the riparian Seven Springs area, with its sprinkling of cottages and almost Connecticut-like feel, before heading back to town through upscale Scottsdale and right past the mall.
After a hectic day, there are many surefire ways to escape from reality. Some are expensive. Others are illegal. Luckily, viewing the sunset at South Mountain is a free antidote to calm your weary mind without any side effects. Head up to Dobbins Point at dusk and take it slow as you drive up the windy, meandering Summit Road. We recommend raising the volume of your tunes (possibly Alexi Murdoch's "Orange Sky") as you take in the light against the crags and the mountain profiles along the way. Once you reach the top, check out the planes departing and arriving at Sky Harbor to the east as they fade in and out of view, and, to the west, see the lights over the neighborhoods below. Remember to appreciate the contours of the many varieties of cacti on your way back down the road to reality.
We-Ko-Pa's Cholla course is not for your twice-a-year golfer — it's a beast. In other words, if you're not in the fairway, you're screwed — and that's what makes it awesome. By the end of your round, you'll either swear off golf forever or think you're ready for the PGA Tour. The course has become the standard for desert golf and, in 2001, was named by Sports Illustrated as one of the 10 best new public courses in the world. The challenges of playing at one of the most difficult desert courses in the country aside, the place is gorgeous. Snaking its way through a mountainous desert landscape, Cholla provides views of the Valley that are worth the 110 strokes (and roughly 10 golf balls claimed by the desert) it will take your average golfer to complete the 7,225-yard course.
The only good thing about 120-degree heat is that the snowbirds who invade the Valley every winter can't bear the hellish temps and retreat to the comforts of their hometowns. This means Valley golf courses rely on the business of people who actually live here but aren't willing to drop nearly $200 on a round of golf. The Phoenician is no different. On May 23, rates at the posh course dropped to $60 a round — a far cry from the $189 greens fee the course charges in the winter. The course is gorgeous — it's a desert course without the symptoms of a desert course (i.e., acres of unkempt, snake-filled wilderness in which to risk your life in search of your ball). After all this is The Phoenician.
It's hard to improve upon perfection — especially when perfection comes cheap. However, Ken McDonald Golf Course, the 2010 winner of New Times' Best Winter Golf Course, has managed to make the course even better than it was last year — including elongating its 11th hole. The par-72 championship course got brand-new carts last year, is scenic, always in great shape, and, most importantly, still cheap — even in the winter. Winter rates at Ken McDonald fluctuate but rarely go above $32, which is nice when rates at the Valley's premier courses skyrocket with the arrival of the snowbirds to upwards of $200.
We stood on the tee of the par-3 eighth hole, nestled in a box canyon on the base of South Mountain. We saw rocks to the left of a sloping green, a large sand trap guarding the front, and nothing but nastiness to the right. A thing of beauty, in other words. If we turned to look north, the skyline of downtown Phoenix and beyond might inspire us — and Lord knows we needed it. Vistal used to be called South Mountain about a decade ago, but a name change went along with a total layout re-design. The bold new look includes an ungodly number of what quaintly are called "hazards" — including sand traps, water, and undulating greens. We also really appreciate the classic rock music that is piped through the facility and into the practice areas. Unfortunately, our game falls decidedly short of "We Are the Champions" status.
Best Golf Course at Which to Get Mauled by a Mountain Lion
Desert Mountain Golf Club's Cochise Course
Desert Mountain Golf Club's Cochise Course prides itself on its signature holes: "four of the finest risk/reward par-5s to be found anywhere." The reward could be a shot at par. The risk could be getting mauled by a mountain lion. In March, a couple walking near the course spotted several mountain lions on a 546-yard par 5. Risking your life for the hopes of a birdie aside, the Cochise course consistently ranks in national golf magazines' lists of the top 100 golf courses. But, again — you could get mauled by a mountain lion.
Most outdoor batting cages suffer from the wear and tear of AZ summers, with ratty nets and sun-cracked equipment. And it's more than likely that the machines haven't been calibrated in years, resulting in more junk than strikes down the middle. Kiwanis Park is a rare exception, a batting range tended with loving care, thanks to the city of Tempe. Baseball machines start slow and top out at 75 miles per hour, but there also are slow-pitch softball machines, so you can practice for your office league, and fast-pitch softball machines for those training to be the next Jennie Finch. In addition to the cages, there's a pro shop to upgrade from that beat-up old batting glove and a concession stand to quench your thirst and sate those mid-practice hunger pangs.
Best Place to See a Spring Training Game
Salt River Fields
Call us softies, but we were kinda sad to see Tucson lose its last two Cactus League teams. With the desertion of the Colorado Rockies and our hometown Arizona Diamondbacks before the 2011 spring training season, that city down south is now totally shut out of the fun. The consolidation of the Cactus League to the Valley seems especially silly since the hapless squads stuck in Florida's shitty-ass Grapefruit League sometimes have to drive four hours between ballparks. And, of course, along the way they risk being eaten by an alligator or mauled by a rabid manatee or getting malaria. Alas, Salt River Fields salves our conscience about thieving Tucson's teams. This gorgeous new stadium was constructed right off Loop 101 on the Salt River-Pima Indian Reservation. It's got top-notch amenities, but the view is what's truly stunning. On opening weekend, we sat on the crisp green lawn sunning ourselves while looking up at the snow-capped McDowell Mountains — one of the best baseball spectating experiences imaginable. So, yeah, we've got all the Cactus League teams now and a fantastic place to put the last two. Maybe Tucson can persuade some of those poor boys in Florida to move? Hey, if you were, say, the New York Yankees, wouldn't you want to be absolutely, positively sure Alex Rodriguez doesn't contract typhoid?
If the Arizona Cardinals ever decide to give up the ghost on hapless quarterback Derek Anderson, they might wanna consider giving local footballer Angel D'Rossi a call. Especially since the Arizona Assassins' captain tosses an average of 197 yards per game and completes passes 54 percent of the time, which are both better than Anderson. Unlike the Cardinals' QB, D'Rossi doesn't crack jokes on the sidelines when her team is losing, and, oh, yeah, she's a girl, to boot. She's one of more than two-dozen fierce females who play full-contact, semi-pro football as a part of the Arizona Assassins, the Valley's entry into the Women's Football League. And in many ways, they're even tougher than their male counterparts on the Cardinals. Unlike Anderson and the Red Birds, who play in air-conditioned comfort in their domed stadium, D'Rossi and company compete in outdoor games at Apollo High School's football field during late spring and summer, when temps start to rise. Try cracking a few jokes about that, Derek.
We first took notice of this wonderfully named superstar in the making in high school, when she toiled as a four-year varsity star for Phoenix St. Mary's. Even as a lanky 15-year-old, Dallas exuded joy on the pitcher's mound and possessed a great big heart. When she enrolled at Arizona State last fall, we knew she would be an immediate impact player, and we expected her to supplant junior Hillary Bach as the staff's ace. But who really expected Dallas to become one of college softball's very best chuckers right out of the chute? She led the Sun Devils to the College World Series, which they won in dominant fashion. Along the way, Dallas won new fans with her cheery disposition even in adversity, her gritty performances, and her obvious love for her teammates, who raised their own games to reach the Promised Land of women's softball this year.
We predicted that wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald wouldn't have the big numbers he had during the Kurt Warner era of Arizona Cardinals football, and we were correct. Without a good quarterback, a wide-out doesn't get many quality touches. That is, last year's pathetic crop of Cards QBs couldn't throw the pigskin into Town Lake. Nevertheless. Fitzgerald still is the best wide receiver in professional football, and we'll make another prediction: He will return to form with new QB Kevin Kolb, whom the Cardinals got in a trade with the Philadelphia Eagles this summer. Nobody could make last year's signal-callers look good, but we think Fitzgerald will make Kolb glad he's moved from the Rust Belt to the desert. Because Fitz has got it all: size, hands, speed, leaping ability, wingspan. He plucks impossible balls out of the air. We're not exaggerating to call him the Captain America of Valley athletes (his physique rivals that of actor Chris Evans in the movie). Consider Fitz's most important accolade: In the Cardinals' run to the Super Bowl 2008, he smashed the league's post-season receiving record with seven touchdown catches and 30 overall receptions for 544 yards. The former Minnesota Vikings ball boy is a perennial Pro Bowl selection. If he and Kolb mesh as he and Warner did, the Cardinals could make it to another Super Bowl, or at least win the NFC West title again.
If Diana Taurasi were a man, she would be as rich as Kobe Bryant. Almost. And rivaling him for best player in the NBA. Almost. As it is, she is the best female basketball player in the world and makes about $100,000 a year playing for the Phoenix Mercury (plus a reported $500,000 annually playing in Europe during the WNBA's off-season). She led the Phoenix Mercury to two WNBA championships, was named best collegiate basketball player (regardless of sex) in history after she led her Connecticut Huskies to three NCAA women's championships, and was a member of the USA Olympic women's basketball teams that won gold medals in 2004 and 2008. Hey, we don't have room enough to list all of Tenacious D's accolades. Suffice it to say that the Suns' Steve Nash may be the most famous basketballer in town, but Diana Taurasi may be the best. At 6 feet, the native of Chino, California, has averaged 21 points a game during her professional career, and who says white women can't dunk? Though Taurasi hasn't slammed the ball during a game, she did it in practice for our reporter a few years ago. She says dunking is just not part of the women's game. Pity. Proving that white women can also drink, Taurasi became still another professional athlete to get nailed for DUI here. Authorities said her blood-alcohol level was 0.17 when she was stopped two years ago this summer. Extreme DUI and speeding charges eventually were dropped, and Taurasi served a day in jail.
Best Way to Ruin a Perfectly Decent Team
Robert Sarver, Phoenix Suns owner
For a few delightful, if delusional years, some of us thought that the Phoenix Suns might become the Los Angeles Lakers or the San Antonio Spurs, a team that annually competed for, or actually won, an NBA championship. At one point, the franchise had one of the all-time great point guards (Steve Nash), a pure athlete with incredible offensive skills (Amar'e Stoudemire), a perennial All-Star (Shawn Marion), and a dynamite supporting cast in what was one of the more entertaining and effective units in all of pro sports. Then along came Mr. Sarver, whose idea of running a franchise was to scrimp when- and wherever and not to listen to those on his staff who certainly knew (and know) more than him about the sport, including his highly successful general manager, Steve Kerr. Sarver has earned a terrible jacket with his employees as an often mean-spirited fellow keen to blame others as the Suns have slipped into the league's second tier. We never thought we'd be saying this, but previous majority owner Jerry Colangelo is looking awfully good these days.
Best-Hitting Pitcher in the Bigs
Daniel Hudson, Arizona Diamondbacks
We were at Chase Field in July when starting pitcher Daniel Hudson hit his first big-league home run, and the Diamondbacks went on to take a series against the hated Los Angeles Dodgers, two games to one. And it was all Hudson, almost all the time, that day; he not only pitched a one-run, five-hit complete game, he drove in all but one of the Diamondbacks' runs, with the homer and a two-run single later in the game. The single was especially sweet, since the Dodgers had hoped to force Hudson out of the game by putting in a hard-throwing reliever with two men on base and two outs. But manager Kirk Gibson was having none of it. Most managers would have put in a pinch-hitter in this situation, but Gibson left his right-handed hurler in to either save the day or blow an opportunity to seal the deal. When Hudson zapped the ground ball into left field, the Dodgers pitching coach was cursing the day he was born. Along with Ian Kennedy, Hudson is the great hope for the Diamondbacks pitching staff, which (until this season) had stunk for quite some time. The win on this day in July gave him a 10-5 record (3.56 ERA). But more than that, his offensive might added to his .359 batting average. Now, that's a great average for a player who hits every day. For a pitcher, it's stupid-good. We mean, not many actual pinch-hitters anywhere in the bigs have an average like that. No wonder Gibson stuck with Hudson in this clutch situation. For the uninformed, though pitchers may throw manly 95-mile-an-hour fastballs, when they come up to bat, they usually whiff at pitches like little girls in T-ball. Not Dan "The Man" Hudson, the best-hitting pitcher in baseball.
Best Comeback Kid in Baseball
Chris Young, Arizona Diamondbacks outfielder
Remember when crucifix-sucking Chris Young sucked? When the center fielder (who likes to taste his silver necklace during games) was sent down to the minors for a stint because he couldn't buy a hit. Yes, his M.O. was to pop out to an infielder in 2009, when he cooled his heels with the Reno Aces for three weeks. His batting average dropped below .200 that year, and he finished that season at .212 with 15 homers (he had hit 32 in 2007 and 22 in 2008.). Well, this year, he had 16 homers with the season slightly half done and a .262 average. When he was in his slump, he was lucky to bat seventh when he was in the game at all. Last year, he was moved to leadoff and his production improved. And this year, he's batted fourth (cleanup) on many nights, because of his 50-plus runs batted in. In addition to the hitting, Young is an avid base-stealer. In a game with the Milwaukee Brewers late last season, he became the first major leaguer to become a member of the vaunted 20-20 club — he hit his 20th homer to go along with 22 stolen bases. This year, he has 14 steals so far. Two seasons ago, predictions were that he might be sent to the farm permanently and soon be out of baseball, but the naysayers were wrong. What turned Young around? Part of it was hard work, which included adjusting his swing, and part of it was having a manager, Kirk Gibson, who believes in him. Whatever mojo is working, Young has not only saved his career but vastly improved what was the worst offense in the big leagues last year.
Best Reason to Believe the Diamondbacks Can Contend
Ian Kennedy, Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher
"I wanted to act like I belong here. It's a dream come true. You see the stadium on TV, and you wish and hope you'll be out there like those guys." This is what Ian Kennedy was quoted as saying before his first start with the New York Yankees in 2007. And he acquitted himself well in that first major-league win, striking out six, walking two, and giving up five hits in seven innings. But it didn't go so well after that with the Bronx Bombers. After poor outings and health issues — including an aneurysm under his left armpit — he was in and out of the Yankees' minor-league organizations. He never pitched a full season until after he was involved in a three-way trade with New York and the Detroit Tigers in winter 2009. Pitching for the D-Backs against San Diego late last season, Kennedy struck out 12 Padres and gave up one hit and two walks in seven innings. It was the beginning of his resurgence, and by the time this season rolled around, he was named the Diamondbacks' opening-day starter. Now the ace of the Arizona staff, the Huntington Beach, California, native and University of Southern California alum was 13-5, with a 3.39 ERA, after the All-Star Game this season. With the Diamondbacks in the playoffs, they need Kennedy to produce. And he is capable. He's always had his share of strikeouts, with 168 last year and 113 this season. He's also capable of walking a lot of batters: 70 last year and 37 so far this season. An interesting side note: When Kennedy and his wife, former USC basketball player Allison Jaskowiak, were wed a few years ago, they left the church to the strains of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame."
Best Field Boss of a Local Sports Franchise
Kirk Gibson, Arizona Diamondbacks manager
The fact that the Arizona Diamondbacks have clinched the National League West lands squarely on the broad shoulders of manager Kirk Gibson, the guy who (with a two-day growth of beard) looks like he could chew nails. But what we hear he's done is chew players' asses. That is, he won't accept mediocrity. And what he has done with a roster of (previous) no-names is nothing short of unbelievable. His players talk about clubhouse "tension" now that Gibby's in charge. But it's not by way of complaining. They know they're going to be held accountable, and they like it that way. Players know that they must work hard or else. The square-jawed Gibson commands respect, and you can see it on his face: He hates freakin' losing! Which is exactly what the Diamondbacks have needed all these years. In the past, they have been coddled by lightweight managers (Gibson's predecessor, A.J. Finch, comes to mind) who commanded little respect — hadn't been there/done that. Gibson was a star in the major leagues, a two-time World Series champion. He led the Detroit Tigers to their 1984 title, but he's best known for the homer he hit for the Los Angeles Dodgers in the first game of the 1988 World Series, against the Oakland A's. You know, the one that literally is one of the greatest moments in sports history. When a hobbled-by-injuries Gibby dragged himself around the bases to the screams of everybody with a pulse in the City of Angels. We lived in L.A. at the time and saw people run out into the streets to hug strangers and dance on the roofs of cars in the middle of Sunset Boulevard. We want to see that kind of thing here, and we believe Gibson, the no-nonsense manager now, can make it happen.
Best Baseball Star
Justin Upton, Arizona Diamondbacks outfielder
Justin Upton made his second All-Star team appearance this year, just as we predicted he would. All it took was playing on a better team than the miserable Snakes squad of last year, when Upton missed the mid-summer classic after having made it in 2009. Upton's young (24 this season), and the desperation of playing on a last-place team got to him in 2010. This season, he was the only Arizona Diamondback to make the cut, until injuries allowed catcher Miguel Montero a roster spot. Upton's destined to be a superhero in his sport, a sure future Hall of Famer. What makes him so special is that he's a solid power hitter, a guy who (when he gets a little older) will challenge the likes of Milwaukee's Prince Fielder and St Louis' Albert Pujols. In a very exclusive club of long-ball hitters, Upton narrowly missed selection to the National League's home run derby squad during All-Star week in Phoenix this summer. Before this season is over, the D-Backs right fielder could still eclipse the year he had in 2009, when he hit .300, with 26 home runs and 86 runs batted in. He was at 15 homers as he went into the All-Star Game and was batting .281 with 46 runs batted in. The downside to Upton is his streakiness. After the All-Star break, he slumped briefly and then surged, with 21 home runs at this writing. Let's hope that manager Kirk Gibson can make him a more consistent player, because Gibson will need him to win that next World Series title we hope for around here.
Best-Hitting Second Baseman in Baseball
Dustin Pedroia, ASU alumnus and current Red Sox
Dustin Pedroia is a phenom with a .303 batting average going on six seasons with the Boston Red Sox. He's the best hitter to come out of Arizona State University since Barry Bonds. Better than Bonds when you look at his average and worth to his team — and there's no doubt that the 5-foot-9, 180-pounder never has done steroids. Not only is Pedroia a probable future Hall of Famer, based on his hitting; he is a stellar infielder. He's an American League Gold Glove (2008) second baseman who has committed only 28 errors since the 2006 season. It was a good bet that Pedroia would do well in the majors. During his ASU career, he hit .384, with 71 doubles, 14 homers, and 146 runs batted in — incredible stats for a college player. In addition, he was 2003 National Defensive Player of the Year while at ASU. He went on to win AL Rookie of the year in 2007, his first full season in the bigs — which coincidentally was the year that Boston won its second World Series in four years (before 2004, it hadn't won the title since 1918). On the first pitch of his first World Series at-bat, the Woodland, California, native homered over Fenway Park's Green Monster. This season, he's on a pace to hit more home runs than in any other season, with 13 since the All-Star game — as Boston led the American League East. Never known as a power-hitter, his previous HR total was 17 in 2008. Now 27, he's billed in Boston as the spark plug of his team — the proverbial little man who plays big.
Best All-Around Baseball Player
Miguel Montero, Arizona Diamondbacks catcher
Miguel Montero is the most fundamentally sound player on the Arizona Diamondbacks' roster. Because of injuries to other players around the National League, he was an All-Star this year, but he deserved it. How many times have we seen the guy get a clutch hit for the D-Backs through his five full seasons with the team? That was a rhetorical question — meaning it's a lot. His on-base percentage is .346. Plus the guy has been the field general over a bunch of young pitchers this year, with amazing results. As a defender against the steal, he's improved vastly. A banner game for Montero this season came on July 23 against the Colorado Rockies, when he hit a home run, a double, and drove in five runs. He couldn't lose that day; he even walked in a run. He's had to fight off injuries, but if he can stay healthy, he will be one of the reasons that the Diamondbacks can go deep in the post-season. A solid .280 hitter for most of this season, he finished the year with a career-best 17 home runs. Miggy's a quiet guy, leaving the limelight to more flamboyant players like Justin Upton. He just does his job.
Best Glove Man in Valley Baseball
Stephen Drew, Arizona Diamondbacks shortstop
Stephen Drew went out for the season with a gruesome broken ankle (his toes were pointed backward) after sliding into home plate in a July 20 game against the Milwaukee Brewers. Drew's a good hitter for his position, with a lifetime .270 batting average, and a guy who can hit for power. He's slammed 70 home runs in six seasons (including the shortened season in 2006, when he came up from the minors, and this year) — 21 in 2008, 15 in 2010. For Babe Ruth's sake, manager Kirk Gibson had him batting cleanup some of the time. But where he has been hugely missed by the Arizona Diamondbacks is in the field. Drew, from Valdosta, Georgia, isn't the best shortstop in the major leagues — that would be Hanley Ramirez of the Florida Marlins — but he's in the top 10, especially when it comes to fielding. He's up there with New York Yankees captain Derek Jeter as a defensive shortstop. Jeter, in the 3,000-hit club, surpasses Drew with a .312 lifetime average, but consider this: Jeter has averaged 13 errors over 17 seasons and Drew has averaged 11 over six. The impossible grabs he made this year, saving the D-Backs runs and ensuring wins, truly were phenomenal. Drew may not have ever turned backflips, like the Wizard of Oz (Hall of Fame shortstop Ozzie Smith) once did, but he is a magical glove man.
Best Tattoos in Local Sports
Ryan Roberts, Arizona Diamondbacks infielder
Ryan Roberts is a hustler who makes his teammates better. His manager, Kirk Gibson, calls him a "gamer," which, coming from the ultimate gamer, is a huge compliment. Finally a starter at third base this season (he's adept at all infield and outfield positions), he hit 13 home runs and batted a respectable .245. But what we want to talk about here are the 30-year-old's tattoos. Many big leaguers hide their tats beneath long-sleeve T-shirts, but not Roberts. He has at least 30, including one that crawls up the left side of his neck. His arms and hands are sleeved with them. It's said he's running out of skin for tattoos, and in preparation for a possible career as a tattoo artist when he's done with big-league baseball, he's even personally put two on himself: imprints of his young daughter's feet on the tops of his own. He says his "only the strong survive" tattoo has kept him plugging away at the game he loves, even after limited playing time and a demotion to the minors in previous seasons. In what must have been either a nightmare or a religious experience for his mother, he got his first tattoo when he was 18: a cross with a crown of thorns. A family man all the way, guardian angels representing his grandparents adorn his shoulders, and the elaborate aforementioned neck tat signifies "family" in Chinese characters. The tattoos we know about don't seem to symbolize anything fearsome, but all that ink must scare opposing pitchers to death. His nickname among teammates and fans: "Tatman," natch.
Best General in Local Sports
Kevin Towers, Arizona Diamondbacks
There was a different vibe in the Arizona Diamondbacks' clubhouse this season, and it's because of new GM Kevin Towers. The former San Diego Padres GM, who finished his first regular season with the Diamondbacks, has put people in place — manager Kirk Gibson, along with clubhouse leaders like veteran pitcher Joe Saunders — who have turned things around for the franchise. Now, instead of looking at years of dismal, last-place finishes, Arizona fans have reason for hope. This year's team contended all season, after having finished at the bottom of the National League west in 2010. Towers was a proven winner in San Diego. In his two decades with the Padres, his last 14 helming the front office, Padres teams appeared in one World Series — losing to the New York Yankees in 1998 — and won four division titles. (Ironically, the only other time San Diego was in the Series was in 1984, when Gibson's Detroit Tigers beat them.) Now, here's an interesting twist: Towers came to Arizona after he was fired by Padres CEO Jeff Moorad, who disparagingly called him a "gunslinger." (Towers does favor cowboy boots.) Moorad headed the Diamondbacks before he bought the Padres in 2009. Once the D-Backs' pathetic 2010 season concluded, GM Josh Byrnes and manager A.J. Hinch — definitely not "gunslinger" types — were summarily fired. Guess what Moorad did? He hired both boobs for front-office jobs in SD. The result of all this was that Arizona won the NL West, and the Padres (true to Byrnes and Hinch's form) were in last place. Towers for the dismal duo definitely is a trade we endorse. Shoot 'em up, Kevin.
Best Hope for the Arizona Cardinals
Kevin Kolb, quarterback
Kevin Kolb is the great hope of the Arizona Cardinals. After struggling last season with a trio of inept quarterbacks, the Cardinals dished out big bucks — a $63 million ($23 million guaranteed), five-year contract — and traded away their best cornerback, Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, and a second-round draft choice to the Philadelphia Eagles for a guy they hope can bring back the glory days of Kurt Warner. (Though in this deal, the Cardinals also lost their second-best receiver in the off-season when Steve Breaston went to the Kansas City Chiefs.) Here's the skinny on the 6-foot-3, 218-pound Kolb: He's got a great arm, which means he has no problem airing it out downfield or to zigzagging receivers.He's not just a scrambler but a guy who can leave the pocket and pick up yards on the ground. He's 27 and reaching the prime of his career (considering his limited playing time). Drawbacks are that defenses can read him more often than coaches would like, he takes too many chances resulting in interceptions, he tends to run the ball at the first sign of trouble, and he can sail passes over the heads of receivers. He was drafted 36th in the 2007 NFL draft out of the University of Houston and completed 194 passes out of 319 attempts for 2,082 yards, 11 TDs, and 14 interceptions. This was mostly as a backup, first to Donovan McNabb and then to Michael Vick. He had been the Eagles' starting QB until he was sidelined in the last season's opener with a concussion. Insiders believe Kolb can be great now that he's playing every Sunday. He passed for 309 yards and a TD in the Cards' opener against Carolina. We've heard that star Cards wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald pushed for him, which can only mean that Fitzgerald believes the new kid will return him to greatness. Which would be good for all of us.
Best Monsters in Local Sports
Calais Campbell and Darnell Dockett, Arizona Cardinals defensive linemen
Calias Campbell is inspirational. He's a leader on the field from his defensive end position and a monster, even by NFL standards. Campbell stands 6-foot-8, weighs at least 300 pounds, and is the most intimidating player on the Cardinals' defensive line. Which is saying a lot, since the fearsome 6-foot-4, 290-pound Darnell Dockett, also a team leader on defense, plays beside him at defensive tackle. The second-most exciting play in football (to a long pass to an acrobatic receiver) is a quarterback sack. Even on last year's losing Cardinals team (the Cards were destroyed by so many teams that their self-esteem got diminished), the two were quarterback smashers: Campbell had six sacks (among his 60 tackles) to go along with Dockett's five (among his 52 tackles). The two played college football in Florida for two of the nation's premier college football teams, the University of Miami Hurricanes (in Campbell's case) and Florida State University Seminoles (in Dockett's). Campbell's in his fourth pro season, and Docket's in his eighth, and the two are the heart of an Arizona defense that should be tough this year, even with the loss of cornerback Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie.
Best Stoic in Local Sports
Ken Whisenhunt, Arizona Cardinals head coach
What's he thinking? What does he mean when he says that? What was "that look" about? Is he smiling? Is he frowning? Inscrutable is what Cardinals Coach Ken Whisenhunt is. He's a guy who wouldn't need to wear a hat and sunglasses to be a poker champion. Coach, why even hold the clipboard in front of your face when you change a play from the sidelines? When your lips are moving, we can barely tell that your lips are moving. The former offensive coordinator of the Super Bowl champion Pittsburgh Steelers led the Cardinals to an improbable Super Bowl berth in 2008 (they had the game won until a Steelers receiver made a toe-dragging catch falling out of bounds in the end zone to seal the deal for his team, 27-23). Whisenhunt had pushed his team away from its perennial losing ways that season. The Cardinals' NFC West championship was the team's first division title since 1975, when they were the St. Louis Cardinals. One of the best times of our life was watching the Cardinals beat the mighty Philadelphia Eagles to win the NFC championship that season. The Whiz then pushed his team to a 10-6 record the next year before losing in the second round of the NFC playoffs to the eventual Super Bowl champion New Orleans Saints. Whiz, what happened last year? Sure, Kurt Warner retired, and you didn't have a viable quarterback, but couldn't you have pulled enough of your patented trick plays out of your red cap to win a few more than five games? Whiz, are your lips moving?
Taitusi "Deuce" Latui was involved in the most-publicized gaffe in local sports last football season, when he was seen joking around with then-Cardinals starting quarterback Derek Anderson. Because Anderson was clowning during a blowout loss to the San Francisco 49ers, fans and sportscasters took exception, and Anderson — who was supposed to be the answer to the Cardinals' QB woes — was all but run out of town. Anderson was released by the team this summer, but Lutui's still around. Though Latui has improved over the past few seasons to become a solid offensive guard, his weight always was a problem for Coach Ken Whisenhunt. He weighed 370 pounds when he played in college at USC (the largest player ever to don a Trojans jersey) and his off-season weight ballooned that high as a Cardinal. Last year, this mountain of a man's sense of humor came through when he referred to himself as the Lindsay Lohan of the team because of all the publicity his tubbiness had generated in the media. The tomfooling Tongan, who was a popular player at Mesa High School pre-USC, has been a joker all his life. It's not that Deuce doesn't take football seriously; it's that he doesn't take daily life seriously. He has a tendency to dance maniacally around the locker room. They call the NFL the No Fun League (because coaches are always on players' asses), but Deuce Lutui's out to change that.
And we mean this in a good way. We love Mark Grace, one of the nicest guys in local sports. The man never has been an asshole to the media, like a lot of professional athletes in this town (initials: Randy Johnson). He's always humble, grateful for his opportunity to play major-league baseball, first for the Chicago Cubs but especially for the Arizona Diamondbacks, where he was an integral part of the team's 2001 World Series championship, homering in game four. He led off with a base hit in the ninth inning of Game 7 that enabled a come-from-behind victory to shock the mighty Yankees. Grace now is a color commentator for D-Backs broadcasts, and we enjoy his insight. He's paid to love the home team, for sure, but he isn't afraid to call out Arizona players when they mess up. So when we heard that he'd been busted for driving under the influence of alcohol, we felt for him. Not that he didn't deserve it: He admitted to drinking Macallans that evening, one drink about five minutes before he was pulled over in his Jaguar. Not that anybody should drive while intoxicated (his blood-alcohol level allegedly was more than the legal limit of 0.08), but the cops report that Grace was nothing but all-smiles polite. When the arresting officer asked the former first-baseman how he thought he'd done on a field-sobriety test, Grace reportedly responded, "Not well enough." No cursing, yelling, threatening the cops — like one professional athlete (hockey player Brett Sutter) did here recently. Gracey's honest to a fault.
Best Giant in Valley Basketball
Marcin Gortat, Phoenix Suns
Marcin Gortat's known in the NBA as "The Polish Hammer." From the looks of him, he's a goon you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley. At 6-feet-11 and 240 pounds, he's scary-ugly, a guy who has terrified opponents of the Phoenix Suns since his arrival last December from the Orlando Magic. When the trade for him and two lackluster veterans was announced last season, we wondered about the Suns' sanity. They gave up the most prolific scorer on the team, Jason Richardson, for Gortat, a backup center for the Magic. The other two guys the Suns acquired, Vince Carter and Michael Pietrus, were unlikely to improve the team's fortunes (and indeed they didn't). The Hammer, though, became just what the Suns needed: a tough defender and hardcore rebounder (almost 10 boards a game last season). Can Gortat return the Suns to contention? No, not averaging 13 points a game to go along with his defense and rebounding. Not with the present team that features ancients Grant Hill and Steve Nash, a franchise that gave up superstar Amar'e Stoudemire because owner Robert Sarver didn't want to pay him. But we really enjoy watching the friendly (only when he's off the court) Pole kick ass, and we pray for a miracle during the upcoming season — that is, some young studs to surround him and reduce Nash's playing time. Provided there's even a season at all. The players and owners are in contract talks.
Best Local Boy Does Good in Pro Sports
Andre Ethier, Los Angeles Dodgers
We hate to give a Los Angeles Dodger props, but we have adjusted our rule for right fielder Andre Ethier, a hometown hero if there ever was one. Phoenix native Ethier first gained fame at Chandler-Gilbert Community College, where he batted .468 with 32 doubles and was named MVP. He then played at Arizona State University, where he batted .371 with 14 home runs. He was drafted by the Oakland Athletics before landing with the Dodgers in 2006. Three years later, Ethier had a breakout year. He hit 31 home runs and had 106 runs batted in. He had six walk-off hits, including four game-winning, ninth-inning homers, more than anybody in the big leagues and the most in 35 years. He was named an All-Star this summer for the second time, and he singled in a run in the game, which the National League won 5-1. He noted after the game that the hit, while a personal highlight, may come in second to when he was in Chase Field 10 years ago to witness the D-Backs' only World Series championship, against the New York Yankees. Ethier, who grew up down the street from the ballpark, made it to the mid-summer classic in Phoenix partly because he started the season with a 30-game hitting streak, which lasted until May 7. Ethier is batting .300 with nine home runs, 102 hits, 44 RBI, and 23 doubles. He has been sidelined by injuries this year and last, but we predict that the 29-year-old will be one of the greats before his career is over.
Best Local Guy Does Bad in Pro Sports
Channing Frye, Phoenix Suns
Why isn't St. Mary's High School and University of Arizona product Channing Frye a tougher professional basketball player? He seems to have all the tools, but . . . Oh, we know what you're thinking: He's a hell of a three-point shooter (.403 career). Well, to hell with that! Frye's a muscular 7-footer who plays like a point guard — on a college team. That is, his interior game is pretty much non-existent. Every year, he has a spurt or three of all-rightness, and then comes the disappointment. Problem is, the Phoenix Suns try to start him, or give him major minutes at power forward or center, and he's just not that good at these hardcore positions. If he were on a team with solid starters (like, say, the Lakers, the Heat, or the Mavericks), he would be fine to come in for 10 minutes a game. But playing big-time minutes exposes that he's not a big-time player. Let's face it (though he has an occasional okay night as a rebounder, despite his measly five-boards-a-game career average), he's a pussy under the basket — which is where big guys like him belong. Why, oh, why didn't suns owner Robert Sarver bounce this 10-points-a-game local dud and put the resources toward the salary of gone-last-season Amar'e Stoudemire? If he had, the Suns' future would still be bright.
Best Cheerleader in Local Sports
Alvin Gentry, Phoenix Suns
Alvin Gentry hardly is pretty enough to be a Phoenix Suns dancer — the closest thing to a cheerleader for the professional basketball team. But the slow-talking Suns coach (he's from Shelby, North Carolina, and played basketball at Appalachian State University) is the best motivator in the huddle we've ever heard. No matter how bad it gets, Gentry is upbeat: "Look, we can score on them whenever we want, okaaaaaay. All we need to do is get back on defense, okaaaaaay. We can win this game, okaaaaaay." Oh, if Gentry could have held on to the team that made it to the Western Conference Finals a couple of seasons ago! That team, of course, included Amar'e Stoudemire, now departed for the New York Knicks. Because Gentry worked a miracle with that squad after he was tapped to take over from the awful Terry Porter. In the conference finals for the 2009-10 season, Gentry was masterful against a superior Lakers team, taking the series to six games before the Suns were eliminated, okaaaaaay. We've given Gentry Best Pro Coach in a previous Best Of edition, but not even his considerable skills as a molder of freakishly tall men can help the existing crop of Phoenix Suns players to even get to the playoffs, much less make it into a championship round. (If there's even an NBA season. At this writing, it looks as if labor negotiations could stall or stop the upcoming campaign.) Tightwad owner Robert Sarver is putting budget over talent when it comes to the current Suns.
Best Elder Statesmen in the NBA
Steve Nash and Grant Hill, Phoenix Suns
Steve Nash and Grant Hill are the nicest guys in the NBA. Practically saints. The charity work both do boggles the imagination. And they continue to out-perform all but a few NBA stars. In Nash's case, he's a former superstar who's still an aging star. At the beginning of his career in Detroit, Hill was predicted to become the next Michael Jordan, but injuries hobbled him, plus he got older. Still, last year, as the oldest starter in the league at 38 (he'll be 39 in October), he was the toughest defender on the team, mitigating damage done by such superstars as LeBron James and Kobe Bryant. His major contributions didn't show up on the stat sheet, but he still averaged 13 points and four rebounds a game. Nash is a future Hall of Famer who will go down as one of a handful of great point guards to ever play the game, a two-time league MVP. Among his most amazing records: He's a four-time member of the 50-40-90 club, meaning he has shot an unbelievable 50 percent of his field goals, 40 percent of his three-point shots, and 90 percent of his free throws during that many seasons — which's more than any player in NBA history. He's one of five players to have ever shot such percentages, and one of only two players to have done it more than once. But he has never won an NBA title (despite leading Phoenix to two Western Conference finals, both of which they lost), and it would take major mojo for him to do it with the Suns anytime soon — and soon is all the time he has left. Sainthood won't cut it.
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