Vistal Golf Club
We stood on the tee of the par-3 eighth hole, nestled in a box canyon on the base of South Mountain. We saw rocks to the left of a sloping green, a large sand trap guarding the front, and nothing but nastiness to the right. A thing of beauty, in other words. If we turned to look north, the skyline of downtown Phoenix and beyond might inspire us — and Lord knows we needed it. Vistal used to be called South Mountain about a decade ago, but a name change went along with a total layout re-design. The bold new look includes an ungodly number of what quaintly are called "hazards" — including sand traps, water, and undulating greens. We also really appreciate the classic rock music that is piped through the facility and into the practice areas. Unfortunately, our game falls decidedly short of "We Are the Champions" status.
Apache Course at Desert Mountain Golf Club
Desert Mountain Golf Club's Cochise Course prides itself on its signature holes: "four of the finest risk/reward par-5s to be found anywhere." The reward could be a shot at par. The risk could be getting mauled by a mountain lion. In March, a couple walking near the course spotted several mountain lions on a 546-yard par 5. Risking your life for the hopes of a birdie aside, the Cochise course consistently ranks in national golf magazines' lists of the top 100 golf courses. But, again — you could get mauled by a mountain lion.
Kiwanis Park Batting Range
Most outdoor batting cages suffer from the wear and tear of AZ summers, with ratty nets and sun-cracked equipment. And it's more than likely that the machines haven't been calibrated in years, resulting in more junk than strikes down the middle. Kiwanis Park is a rare exception, a batting range tended with loving care, thanks to the city of Tempe. Baseball machines start slow and top out at 75 miles per hour, but there also are slow-pitch softball machines, so you can practice for your office league, and fast-pitch softball machines for those training to be the next Jennie Finch. In addition to the cages, there's a pro shop to upgrade from that beat-up old batting glove and a concession stand to quench your thirst and sate those mid-practice hunger pangs.
Salt River Fields
Call us softies, but we were kinda sad to see Tucson lose its last two Cactus League teams. With the desertion of the Colorado Rockies and our hometown Arizona Diamondbacks before the 2011 spring training season, that city down south is now totally shut out of the fun. The consolidation of the Cactus League to the Valley seems especially silly since the hapless squads stuck in Florida's shitty-ass Grapefruit League sometimes have to drive four hours between ballparks. And, of course, along the way they risk being eaten by an alligator or mauled by a rabid manatee or getting malaria. Alas, Salt River Fields salves our conscience about thieving Tucson's teams. This gorgeous new stadium was constructed right off Loop 101 on the Salt River-Pima Indian Reservation. It's got top-notch amenities, but the view is what's truly stunning. On opening weekend, we sat on the crisp green lawn sunning ourselves while looking up at the snow-capped McDowell Mountains — one of the best baseball spectating experiences imaginable. So, yeah, we've got all the Cactus League teams now and a fantastic place to put the last two. Maybe Tucson can persuade some of those poor boys in Florida to move? Hey, if you were, say, the New York Yankees, wouldn't you want to be absolutely, positively sure Alex Rodriguez doesn't contract typhoid?
If the Arizona Cardinals ever decide to give up the ghost on hapless quarterback Derek Anderson, they might wanna consider giving local footballer Angel D'Rossi a call. Especially since the Arizona Assassins' captain tosses an average of 197 yards per game and completes passes 54 percent of the time, which are both better than Anderson. Unlike the Cardinals' QB, D'Rossi doesn't crack jokes on the sidelines when her team is losing, and, oh, yeah, she's a girl, to boot. She's one of more than two-dozen fierce females who play full-contact, semi-pro football as a part of the Arizona Assassins, the Valley's entry into the Women's Football League. And in many ways, they're even tougher than their male counterparts on the Cardinals. Unlike Anderson and the Red Birds, who play in air-conditioned comfort in their domed stadium, D'Rossi and company compete in outdoor games at Apollo High School's football field during late spring and summer, when temps start to rise. Try cracking a few jokes about that, Derek.
We first took notice of this wonderfully named superstar in the making in high school, when she toiled as a four-year varsity star for Phoenix St. Mary's. Even as a lanky 15-year-old, Dallas exuded joy on the pitcher's mound and possessed a great big heart. When she enrolled at Arizona State last fall, we knew she would be an immediate impact player, and we expected her to supplant junior Hillary Bach as the staff's ace. But who really expected Dallas to become one of college softball's very best chuckers right out of the chute? She led the Sun Devils to the College World Series, which they won in dominant fashion. Along the way, Dallas won new fans with her cheery disposition even in adversity, her gritty performances, and her obvious love for her teammates, who raised their own games to reach the Promised Land of women's softball this year.
We predicted that wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald wouldn't have the big numbers he had during the Kurt Warner era of Arizona Cardinals football, and we were correct. Without a good quarterback, a wide-out doesn't get many quality touches. That is, last year's pathetic crop of Cards QBs couldn't throw the pigskin into Town Lake. Nevertheless. Fitzgerald still is the best wide receiver in professional football, and we'll make another prediction: He will return to form with new QB Kevin Kolb, whom the Cardinals got in a trade with the Philadelphia Eagles this summer. Nobody could make last year's signal-callers look good, but we think Fitzgerald will make Kolb glad he's moved from the Rust Belt to the desert. Because Fitz has got it all: size, hands, speed, leaping ability, wingspan. He plucks impossible balls out of the air. We're not exaggerating to call him the Captain America of Valley athletes (his physique rivals that of actor Chris Evans in the movie). Consider Fitz's most important accolade: In the Cardinals' run to the Super Bowl 2008, he smashed the league's post-season receiving record with seven touchdown catches and 30 overall receptions for 544 yards. The former Minnesota Vikings ball boy is a perennial Pro Bowl selection. If he and Kolb mesh as he and Warner did, the Cardinals could make it to another Super Bowl, or at least win the NFC West title again.
If Diana Taurasi were a man, she would be as rich as Kobe Bryant. Almost. And rivaling him for best player in the NBA. Almost. As it is, she is the best female basketball player in the world and makes about $100,000 a year playing for the Phoenix Mercury (plus a reported $500,000 annually playing in Europe during the WNBA's off-season). She led the Phoenix Mercury to two WNBA championships, was named best collegiate basketball player (regardless of sex) in history after she led her Connecticut Huskies to three NCAA women's championships, and was a member of the USA Olympic women's basketball teams that won gold medals in 2004 and 2008. Hey, we don't have room enough to list all of Tenacious D's accolades. Suffice it to say that the Suns' Steve Nash may be the most famous basketballer in town, but Diana Taurasi may be the best. At 6 feet, the native of Chino, California, has averaged 21 points a game during her professional career, and who says white women can't dunk? Though Taurasi hasn't slammed the ball during a game, she did it in practice for our reporter a few years ago. She says dunking is just not part of the women's game. Pity. Proving that white women can also drink, Taurasi became still another professional athlete to get nailed for DUI here. Authorities said her blood-alcohol level was 0.17 when she was stopped two years ago this summer. Extreme DUI and speeding charges eventually were dropped, and Taurasi served a day in jail.
For a few delightful, if delusional years, some of us thought that the Phoenix Suns might become the Los Angeles Lakers or the San Antonio Spurs, a team that annually competed for, or actually won, an NBA championship. At one point, the franchise had one of the all-time great point guards (Steve Nash), a pure athlete with incredible offensive skills (Amar'e Stoudemire), a perennial All-Star (Shawn Marion), and a dynamite supporting cast in what was one of the more entertaining and effective units in all of pro sports. Then along came Mr. Sarver, whose idea of running a franchise was to scrimp when- and wherever and not to listen to those on his staff who certainly knew (and know) more than him about the sport, including his highly successful general manager, Steve Kerr. Sarver has earned a terrible jacket with his employees as an often mean-spirited fellow keen to blame others as the Suns have slipped into the league's second tier. We never thought we'd be saying this, but previous majority owner Jerry Colangelo is looking awfully good these days.
We were at Chase Field in July when starting pitcher Daniel Hudson hit his first big-league home run, and the Diamondbacks went on to take a series against the hated Los Angeles Dodgers, two games to one. And it was all Hudson, almost all the time, that day; he not only pitched a one-run, five-hit complete game, he drove in all but one of the Diamondbacks' runs, with the homer and a two-run single later in the game. The single was especially sweet, since the Dodgers had hoped to force Hudson out of the game by putting in a hard-throwing reliever with two men on base and two outs. But manager Kirk Gibson was having none of it. Most managers would have put in a pinch-hitter in this situation, but Gibson left his right-handed hurler in to either save the day or blow an opportunity to seal the deal. When Hudson zapped the ground ball into left field, the Dodgers pitching coach was cursing the day he was born. Along with Ian Kennedy, Hudson is the great hope for the Diamondbacks pitching staff, which (until this season) had stunk for quite some time. The win on this day in July gave him a 10-5 record (3.56 ERA). But more than that, his offensive might added to his .359 batting average. Now, that's a great average for a player who hits every day. For a pitcher, it's stupid-good. We mean, not many actual pinch-hitters anywhere in the bigs have an average like that. No wonder Gibson stuck with Hudson in this clutch situation. For the uninformed, though pitchers may throw manly 95-mile-an-hour fastballs, when they come up to bat, they usually whiff at pitches like little girls in T-ball. Not Dan "The Man" Hudson, the best-hitting pitcher in baseball.

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