by Matt Neff
The kindly goblins who orchestrate the inner machinations of this here web-hole were nice enough to finally equip me with two things: 1) a list of links more befitting my “tendencies” and 2) an email account. So it is now that I beseech, nay, beg you to grace me with personal correspondence at matt.neff (at) newtimes.com. Suggestions, review requests, pizza recipes, and ferret-care tips are all welcome, but make sure you know what you’re doing—I don’t want to be knocked out in bed all week humming some nasty pop punk melody or sniveling with the woeful knowledge that I trimmed Chompy’s furry lil digging implements to the detriment of his (currently robust) health.
Also, we’ve blown out those dusty old links and pasted up a fresh set o’ new ones. I considered walking through link by link and explaining the relative merits of each, but I know you’re all grown adults. Instead, I made a Mix ‘n’ Match game, complete with walkthrough explanations, to really help you learn—lest your minds wilt like the sad begonias they may or may not already be.
(*Links abbreviated for patience purposes)
A. Last Days of Man on Earth B. Phoenix Hairpins C. Detailed Twang D. WFMU's Beware of the Blog E. Art for Spastics F. Recording Industry vs. the People G. Terminal Boredom H. Head Heritage Unsung I. Siltblog J. Perfect Sound Forever K. NWW List L. Gilgongo Records M. Midheaven Mailorder
1. ___ Rare eighties underground punk/post punk/new wave/hardcore/art rock/etc. tinged with that ould-time St. Louis fervor 2. ___ Rare postpunk/DIY/gothica/esoterica—the sleep of reason produces monsters, who happen to produce sounds, which are cheaply produced on vinyl, smartly ripped to this man’s computer, and posted online for you 3. ___ Jay Hinman waxes poetic about all the records people send him for free and/or beer 4. ___ Essential freeform NY radio with aspirations (largely already fulfilled) to immortality 5. ___ Freeform punk/underground/DIY/garage radio out of *Davis,* CA – Ears to the ground 6. ___ Legal crusaders and RIAA-dislikers of the most morally outraged (i.e. best) sort 7. ___ Record collecting scum-cum-punk rock cognoscenti underwhelmed by office life 8. ___ Julian Cope & his minions re: krautrock, psychedelia, noise, esoterica and et cetera 9. ___ Roland Woodbe: a simple man, a simple-ly excellent weblog 10. ___ Essential online music mag covering anything/anyone worth covering (not Weird Al) 11. ___ Categories strain, crack and sometimes break, under their burden - step out of the space provided 12. ___ Arizona indie rock recs by J. Fella 13. ___ Blow $$$ here!
The first reader to send me the correct answers wins a year supply of Gobbledy Gook™, the amazing new space-age pomade that also pulls duty as a turkey glaze, sneaker sole epoxy remover, parakeet laxative, mole repellent, vegetarian hotsauce substitute, sex lube, semi-synthetic eyeliner, low-yield explosive, lo-fat shoe polish, pheromone enhancer, truth serum, burn cream, corn cream, creamed corn decurdler, self-sustaining bacteria farm, pickling brine, antidepressant, pool de-chlorinator, tapeworm eradicator, perineum lotion, marmot delouser, rhino-horn remover, and all purpose pore-exfoliating electroshock therapy forehead conductor gel.